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Posts: 0
Joined: February 6, 2015
Posted: February 6, 2015, 9:48 AM
My husband and I have been together for 9years. He works and pays the bills. I'm a stay at home mom. here is our drama..... He constantly lies about everything, He drinks a lot and acts a fool. I recently found out that He was on a few dating websites looking for NSA hookups on backpage, craigslist, and adam4adam. so not only was he trying to hook up with women he was secretly looking to hook up with men and transgenders on the Dl. I went through his phone and found messages of nude pics and dirty talk and possible hookup places to meet. I'm not sure if he did hook up or not. Then I investigated some terms used like poppers, aka rush. I never knew poppers was a drug. I recently come to learn that he was using poppers and speed too. I know he used coke as a teen but that was before we got involved. I had no idea he was an addict. I confronted him about everything and of course he lied but when I showed him all my proof that I had, he then began to give me some truth only because I cornered him. I told him I'm leaving him and he said he was going to kill himself. He tends to use suicide to make me feel bad and stay. above all his lies, addiction to drinking, weed, speed, poppers, porn and nsa hookups. Im still here trying to help this man. but he blames me for his action. what an a******. and yes we have kids together. I don't even know what to do anymore
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: February 6, 2015, 2:24 PM
I think you know the answer - you need to get out of that relationship (if practical,housing,etc) you need to take care of yourself and your kids- you are not responsible for this guys addiction or recovery - threatning to commit suicide is typical manipulative behaviour-addicts are experts at this - you are not responsible for this guys actions- you need to look after you - best of luck
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Posted: February 6, 2015, 3:41 PM
Dear Mrs.Mendoza,
Sadly, this is the predictable path of addictive behavior. The threat of suicide is blackmail. This is another "marker" of addictive behvior. You are being held hostage. For you, I strongly suggest a Family Support program. Treatment Centers offer them, and there is also Al Anon or NAR Anon. This will help you be healthy, whether your husband is or not. A boundary you could consider is that your marriage depends on your husband being in a full, lifelong recovery. Recovery can begin with Treatment followed by outpatient counseling. Or, at a minimum, attendance at an AA or NA meeting every day for at least the first 90 days. The recoverying addict needs to be "all in" to be willing to change everything. He will attend meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, perform service work, etc.. -- Addiction is a lifelong disease therefore recovery is as well. It is not your job to be the "private detective" or "treatment center" in terms of finding facts, confrontation, etc. A good Family Program can help you with this, along with the myriad of feelings of helplessness. There are real good people on this message board. I hope you find the right help for you. Good luck, Flyboy | ||
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Posted: February 7, 2015, 2:17 AM
DIVORCE. YOU'RE A WOMAN WHO IS THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. You don't need to be disrespected by a man who spoke wedding vows. (or any other man.) You and your children certainly don't need to be exposed to this ridiculous behavior.( Addict or not, not an excuse. ) I would never expect my wife or daughter to put up with this. I'd be real man and provide for my family and leave in total disgrace and get the help I need, Not sacrifice their lives and future mental health. Or just stay the he!! away until in recovery.Don't worry about his empty threats. What's the worst thing that could happen ? Take care of yourself and your children. Your lives are worth saving. Sorry you have an extremely self centered, selfish, very sick husband. If he would ever get help, he would NEVER have the time to be a good husband or father dealing with his multiple addictions.
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