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Posts: 3
Joined: November 21, 2014
Posted: November 21, 2014, 11:23 AM
Our son is 19 and has been sober from ice (IV user) for 125 days. He was at home the first 48 days, then had to be sent to a mental hospital. He was there until 31 days ago and he was able to come home. He is on zyprexa for the psychosis (sp?) he was experiencing. He has to see the doctor today due to side effects from the meds. They also had him on invega for a short time, but side effects from that also.
He keeps saying he wants to get off the meds, that he can do this on his own, that he doesn't need to go to meetings. He has yet to want to go to a meeting since he's been home. He has no transportation and no job. We take him wherever he goes. He is getting very tired of just staying at home and "not being able to go anywhere or do anything by himself" and he is "tired of being treated like a five year old". We do not trust him to stay away from the "old crowd". We do not trust him for/with anything, including himself. He says he is ready to go back to work, but he still cannot accomplish much around here although he does try. It's like he cannot see himself as we see him and that is frustrating for all of us. I keep reading on here about enabling him and to some extent, I see where we are doing that. When do you let go? When can we trust him again? What do we do about his attitude toward his recovery (he thinks he is recovered!)? He has come so far from where he was 125 days ago and we keep praying and encouraging him to continue in his sobriety. He says sobriety is no big deal, you just don't use anymore. We are encouraging him to go to meetings to learn triggers and ways to deal with triggers and other situations he will encounter in life. Sorry this is so long, just wanted to get a background down....Any and all suggestions/comments would be truly appreciated. Thanking you all for this site... Matilda | ||
Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: November 21, 2014, 12:22 PM
hi , first off your son has not recovered - recovery is an everyday battle for those of us who are in recovery- there are some great days and some not so great- but every day we need to work on our recovery-only your son will decide whether he wants to be in recovery or return to his old lifestyle- there is far more to recovery than staying clean/sober- it is highly recomended that people in recovery attend a recovery program of some discription, AA-NA or one of the other groups that promote sober living- the fact is very few of us make it on our own- trust is something that only comes with time - it has to be earned- however you cannot prevent your son from using if that is what he wants to do- if he really wants to get high then the drugs and obtaining them will come before everything - he will have no thought to the consequences- drugs will be all that he will be focused on- his no 1 priority. such is the effect of the disease of addiction on the mind, body and spirit of the addict, it is all consuming when it is in the full throes - you must protect yourselves and think of the consequences of his using on you- you have to put some boundaries in place and stick to them - where you want to set those boundaries is a decision only you can make.if you stick around on this site you will meet many people with a similar situation and their input could be very helpful for you-
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Posts: 85
Joined: October 18, 2014
Posted: November 21, 2014, 6:42 PM
Actions speak louder than words and he has to learn how to act and live in a world where he contributes. The trust is built when he is given some freedoms and uses those freedoms responsibly. You can't keep him in a bubble but you can lay down boundaries that if he chooses to live in your house he needs to stay on his medication. He also needs to get out and begin giving back to society by volunteering if he can't get a job.
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Posts: 3
Joined: November 21, 2014
Posted: November 24, 2014, 9:07 AM
Thank you both for replying. We are TOTALLY aware that he is not recovered and that just not using is NOT recovered. HE is the one not accepting the truth at this point. - We finally told him if he did not take his meds he could end up back in the hospital, so he has been taking meds and has not said anything about not taking them in a couple of days now. He does seem to be getting better day by day. He is just starting to be more social with people other than his dad and I. We will continue to encourage and help him as long as he helps himself. We did tell him that if he starts using again he is out of our home because we will not put up with him using and living here. He agreed. Only time will tell, I reckon. - I will continue to come to this site and to learn all I can on the subject of ice addiction. This has to be the WORST 'drug' in the world. How can they even call it a drug? It is a mixture of chemicals that never belong in the human body!! Anyway, I appreciate the replys and the support of this site. Thank you all.
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: November 24, 2014, 2:00 PM
i am glad you have chosen to put those boundaries in place. however whether your son stays clean long term will depend on his real motivation- if he is staying clean purely to remain within the boundaries you have set he is unlikely to remain so. he needs to be doing this for himself- he needs to have come to the decision for himself - he really needs to want it- want it really bad- such is the insidious nature of addiction, no matter what the substance we are addicted to , that it requires a real commitment - it is hard work- recovery comes at a price but most people who manage to remain in recovery will tell you it is a price well worth paying-- i suggest you read the posts in different sections of this site , i think you will find it very insightful as to the nature of addiction and the effect it has on those involved both the addicts (like myself) and more importantly those around us- addiction leaves none who come to live with it, unscathed unfortunately- i wish yourself and your familly the best of luck, i truly hope your son gets on the right road and more importantly stays on it- keep reaching out for support - very few make it on thier own- you are not alone in your battle-
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Posts: 3
Joined: November 21, 2014
Posted: November 26, 2014, 9:43 AM
He is more clear headed the past two days than in a while. He went to the dr again yesterday and she said she thinks he is ready to begin working again. She cut his meds by half to reduce side effects and to see if his psychosis is drug-induced or not. She seems to think that if he can handle the stresses of a job well that it will prove the psychosis has been drug-induced. (Nobody will take our word for it that he never had the psychosis before he did the drugs.)....So, he went to work with his dad this a.m., just to hang out on the job site and be around the workers. Kinda a trial run, if you will....We can tell he's getting better because his attitude is returning. As for using, the dr told him that she will be drug testing him randomly and if he pops dirty she will have to put him in an in-patient rehab. (This has been one of his biggest fears since being released from the hospital.) I do like his dr because she tells it like it is. She told him that as long as he is under her care, she will do what she has to do because if he uses and does something to harm himself or others it will come back on her and she will not allow that to happen to herself. (LOVE IT!!)......Whatever it takes, that's what I think...He is just now beginning to realize the fact that he does have an addiction and that HE has to be the one in control of that addiction. - I have read that it takes a LONG time for the ones who abuse "ice" to even realize these things. Have also read that the psychosis can last for an extended period of time for those that have it. (Only 20% even get psychosis?.?)....We still have family members that think he has been faking it this entire time. WTH? Since they know people who have quit like it was nothing, with no side effects, then he muse be faking....WTH??? Anyways, praying he will have a great day with dad and he will be able to move on from this. Also praying he will come to realize that meetings can help, that he needs more support than just his dad, his grandmother and myself. These things may come with time? This has been such a LONG, exhausting process and we are completely aware it is life-long. The most difficult thing, besides seeing your child in that state, is trusting them again and letting go one more time. I think it's because we let him go before, as all parents let their children go into the world, and he screwed up his life. Now we are expected to let him go again, only this time knowing what he did before and not knowing if he will do it again. I feel it's like walking off and leaving a five-year-old at the playground by himself. I understand these are my feelings to deal with, and I will with God's help. I also understand there is nothing I can do to stop him if he does decide to go back to that lifestyle, but he won't with God's help. Pray, pray, pray and say. That's all I know to do.....Thanks for listening.
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Posts: 85
Joined: October 18, 2014
Posted: November 26, 2014, 10:30 AM
Thanks for posting and remember to enjoy the good days when they come because this is a roller coaster at times. I love your analogy of leaving your 5 year old at the park alone, such a true statement and I can feel exactly what you are feeling. In some ways I think we have a little PTSD going on as parents because when we see behaviors that they had during their actively using phase we get afraid it is heading down that path again. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't, every person's journey is unique. Enjoy this holiday season and may the good days far outnumber the bad days!
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