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Posts: 2
Joined: October 20, 2014
Posted: October 20, 2014, 12:53 PM
I posted this under pain pills and now realize there is a forum for Families/Partners of Addicts so I am reposting here.
My adult son is an oxi addict and lives in NYC, 400 miles away from us. He currently has a good job but is struggling with his addiction. He has managed to alienate himself from all his friends, he's almost maxed out his credit card, recently got kicked out by his room mates and now lives in a place he hates. He was with a therapist for some 4 months, unfortunately the therapist took a job in another state. My son has been taking Vivitrol on and off to fight this addiction. The problem is, however, when it is time for the next shot he can't seem to make the appointment and relapses. He tells us he wants to stop. This past weekend he attempted his 3rd detox (alone in NYC) in hopes of being able to get his shot this week, but he failed last night. My wife and I love our son dearly and we are struggling to find a program to help ourselves and him. We purchased health insurance but so far it has done little to help him get into recovery. We've been to Na_Anon, and seen a counselor. Both of us can't accept the advice we keep getting to practice tough love. We feel that our love for him and his for us that has so far kept him from going over the edge, but the edge seems to be getting nearer daily. We are now looking into SmartRecovery which seems to emphasize the family is in intricate part to recovery. We are also now reading the book Beyond Addiction which seems to have a lot of good advice. We are trying not to enable his behavior/addiction other than letting him know we will finance his recovery by professionals and letting him know we are always available when he need to talk and get support. Still SmartRecovery is a bit odd to us and we are finding it hard to understand and put into use. Is this normal? I would really love to hear from some of you that were as baffled as us. Also, those of you in NYC what treatment centers would you recommend to help him detox and maintenance? Thanks | ||
Posts: 55
Joined: October 15, 2014
Posted: October 26, 2014, 9:09 AM
Whenever I read posts I have to start by saying that I am sorry to hear that. | ||
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Posted: October 26, 2014, 10:45 AM
Dear SanXullian,
As a parent struggling with my sons addiction, it's been one of the toughest 3 years of our lives. 3 detox centers, recovery homes, tens of thousands of dollars to support his recovery efforts only to have him continually relapse... It's a long ride for all. It's one that you and your wife cannot control no matter how much you love him and want to support the recovery. Our son us one of the sweetest, kindest, loving people I know BUT... When the drug has him and the demons twist his mind, nothing matters. We want him to stop so bad and will do anything to get him healthy BUT we cannot do anything until he is sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today is day 16 since we finally said, we can't do this anymore. He's been on the streets and we do not know where he is and have not heard from him. It's sad but true to think he does not have the self esteem to get better or want it. One time when we were discussing his addiction, we told him we will always love him and he finished the conversation with " I know you love me but it will need to be from afar if I'm using". Read under Most Popular Topics on the left of this page "let me fall by myself" it helps understand what we as loved ones MUST do. Good Luck!! | ||
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Posted: November 4, 2014, 1:42 PM
I know it is far away but I've seen plenty of people from East coast. This is a good/tough program. Talking from experience: | ||
Posts: 144
Joined: November 8, 2014
Posted: November 9, 2014, 4:33 PM
First and foremost..you must read the article that was suggested to you on the left hand side of this forum...Let Me Fall All By Myself.
But that will only plant a seed for you...you are not ready to do that yet. So...find a treatment center...take the advice of the previous poster if need be AND he may not be ready...but that's ok...I know from experience...that even if treatment doesn't work this time..most people that go to treatment have a better chance in the future of returning to treatment on their own or finding a way to get sober on their own...it does plant a seed. It happened to me...and It happens to many.....God bless you for loving him so much...but as I've been told I can love "him" to death. My son is an addict. I notice since I have heeded the advice in the article mentioned that my son has gotten much better on his own. I didn't see this article...but I was told by my therapist over and over that I didn't cause it and I can't fix it and to Let go and Let God take over his child. My child is an adult. I still fall and help him here and there..but I always have in the back of my mind....he is not listening to a word I say....he's going to get there when he is READY. | ||
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