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Posted: October 10, 2014, 12:35 AM
My son just turned 31, he has been using meth for at least 10 years. I have taken him in several times, cleaned him up, got him on his feet and helped him find a job only to have him turn around within a few months, disappear, lose his job and start using again. The latest time was in June, he took off after finding out he had hep c and re-entered the drug life. He texted me the other day and asked if he and his latest girlfriend could come and spend the weekend. I said "no." It is actually the first time I have said no to him coming home, although I haven't given him money in several years. I said no because I realized I wasn't helping him by always giving him a place to go and recover when he got kicked out by his latest girlfriend until he could regroup and find new druggie friends to stay with. But... Even though I think it is the right thing to do, I feel awful about it. His girlfriend called and told me he went on a big meth binge because he was so upset that I said no to staying with me, and now is in really bad shape, she had to kick him out because he was acting crazy and disrespectful, and he had been having a lot of kidney and liver pain lately. He's homeless and too high to care what he is doing to himself. Big time guilt is setting in, did I do the right thing? What if he overdoses or kills himself or....? I'm his mother and it really hurts...
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 11, 2014, 11:36 AM
Debbers:
Please look in your phone book and find Narc-Anon or Al-Anon and call them. Those folks have been where you are and they will help you get your life back. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: October 14, 2014, 10:09 AM
Thanks Papa Bear,
I found a local number, called and had a very nice visit with an N/A counselor. It was a tremendous help and I feel so much better about our situation. I learned that letting go of the guilt and my need to "fix" him is not only the best thing for me, but also the best thing for my drug addicted son. I need to quit rescuing him so he will hit his rock bottom - a point where he wants to recover because he doesn't like the direction his life is going. It doesn't mean that I won't still love him or pray for his recovery, it just means I can't fix his life, only he can, and I have to step back and let him do it himself even if it means he gets worse before he gets better. Thanks again Papa Bear for the extra encouragement to seek help in dealing with this -I know now that I don't have to go through this alone - organizations like N/A are there to help family members of addicts too. | ||
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