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Posted: September 29, 2014, 1:05 PM
Hello, I have been in a common-law relationship with an alcoholic for almost 10 years. Alcohol has always been a factor in our relationship. It started casually at first but as I grew out of the nightly drinking ritual, he never did. He is a very high-functioning alcoholic. Never misses work etc, but as a result our relationships with friends and family has diminished greatly. We now have 2 children together, and my oldest is dealing with anxiety due to the volatility of me and her father's relationship. It has come to a head and i feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.
I don't believe he will get help unless he hits his bottom. But if i tell him to leave then he will just go back to his parent's, and they are worse enablers than me. Not to mention the guilt i will feel about making my children's daddy leave. We split once before 3 years ago, not just because of the drinking but it was a factor. And like an idiot i believed his promises and took him back. I don't want to put my children through that again, although if that's the only way - i will. So what do i do? Is there another way to (help, force?) him get to his bottom? | ||
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Posted: September 30, 2014, 6:46 AM
The question is: how much are you willing to give up in order to continue living with this man?
Are you willing to give up the mental health of your children? Are you willing to give up your own peace of mind? Are you willing to continue to wait an undetermined amount of time for him to hit bottom and come to his senses, if ever? Why are you giving this man so much power over your life? What's in it for you and your kids? People in relationships with addicts need to ask themselves the tough questions. Staying is hell, and leaving gives no guarantees that they will change. In fact, many addicts who have been left by their partners will seek out others who they can manipulate and use (ie. his parents). If he is unwilling to change, then you must. Sitting around doing the same old, same old, will get you the same results. It is not easy. It is extremely guilt-provoking and scary. But what is the alternative? Sometimes it is best to let them own their problems and not continue to prop them up. If he seeks sobriety down the road, great....if not, then you have to do what is best for you and your children. Sorry to sound harsh, but the reality is he continues to drink. You did not cause his addiction and you cannot cure it. Seek counseling or groups that can help you get strong in your own mind about where the priorities lie.....you and your kids should be at the head of the line, not somebody who continues to cause problems for everyone else, with no end in sight. | ||
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