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Posted: September 18, 2014, 1:51 PM
Looking for help....My husband is a full blown heroin addict, been with him 7 years at first it was just weed then it was weed & coke, then it became weed, and oxci's and just realized that he's been injecting heroin. Al lot of money has disappeared a lot of jewelry. He denies everything the lies are unbelievable. I want to help me but I have been trying for years, when he needs his fix he becomes verbally abusive and if I don't give him money he will be physically abusive. He threaten me to kill me all the time. I'm scared out of my mind for me and my kids that when he's in that state of mind he would. I have tried to get help with his family but all of his family members are some kind of addict, so they don't understand. He talks a lot of crap about me (which none of it its true) im humiliated when people come up to me and tell me what he's saying about me, and I have tried to comfort him about this and he gets defensive and that's when he start pushing me into the wall. I have financially supported him because on may occasion has lost his job, and Im the one that goes to find him one, I have put up being degraded and humiliated , I now myself have become depressed , I have recently asked him to leave but he has refused, Now it getting worse, because he's getting high almost in front of me he leaves residue needles lighters in the bathroom does care.
He works only when he wants to and now refuses to help me financially he has send over 1000 in a couple of days , so I refuse to cook or clean etc after him. As much as it hurts me to see if go off to work with out a lunch come home and no dinner I have to start to be strong and start showing him that I cant and wont help any longer. But if there is a God above and my husband as me for HELP and admits he has a serious problem I will be there for him. Also he was recently put on "Suboxen" but still using. What do I do? I love him but its not enough anymore. Do I continue a life where he degrades me and pushes me around and hope one day he doesn't kill me. Or do I just leave and wish him luck? | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 18, 2014, 4:33 PM
Hello and welcome. Do you see the section that says Family/Partners of Addicts go there and look for the post that says LET ME FALL ALL BY MYSELF. Please read you will find your answer there. Good Luck!
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Posted: September 19, 2014, 6:38 AM
Your situation sounds like more than just drug abuse. It is domestic violence. If you are in fear for your safety, you need to get out. No one should live in fear from physical violence, verbal abuse, and economic abuse. Your innocent children should not be witnessing his behavior.
No matter how much we love our addicts, often they make our lives a living hell. But, we do have the power to not subject ourselves to the dysfunction. Marriage is one thing, but there are deal breakers for sure. He is not seeking help for his addiction, he is abusing you in a variety of ways, and he is not supporting the family economically. You deserve better. This sounds harsh, but you cannot run the risk of him seriously hurting you in a rage. I urge you to contact a domestic violence center in your area to seek help. They can at least give you some ideas, options, and advice. You cannot change him, but you can change yourself. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to be different. Keep posting. There are others who are suffering with their addicts too. | ||
Posts: 90
Joined: August 12, 2014
Posted: September 19, 2014, 12:43 PM
Hi Sandra
girltoday says it all, that post explains everything. Roberta is also right. You nor your children deserve that live style. Get out as soon as possible as now your children must be more important than to support your husband's addiction. If he doesn't fall and hit rock bottom he will never know what he has with you and your children. x | ||
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Posted: September 29, 2014, 6:39 PM
Sandra I just read your letter, you are looking for answers to your questions but read your letter and the answers you seek are there.First off if he won't leave you leave with the children immediately. You are in danger so are the children he is verbally emotionally and physically abusive.He is endangering your children leaving dirty syringes around.He is killing you fiancially.Love yourself and your children more then you love him.Your children are seeing Mommy abused Daddy high and abusive ...You might want to tolerate this but is it okay for your kids to be in a toxic envoirement? If his family has substance abuse issues there has to be a member of your family or a friend a church Some one you can reach out to...State programs .Once again as I stated elsewhere you are letting the inmate run the asulym. .He can't take care of himself and your letting him rule the roost...You must take back the reins and get control of yourself .. your children need Mom to be strong and take care of them and herself ..not worry about the addict. .As long as you allow his behavior to go on it'll only get worse for you...If you can't get him to leave pack your bag a bag for your children and get to a safe location. Immediately.
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Posts: 13
Joined: October 4, 2014
Posted: October 4, 2014, 2:00 PM
personally if it were me i would live in seperate houses. still be in a relationship but out of danger. if it was because of drugs i would visit him and support him but not let him visit my house and have a strict rule that if he gets angry i leave. also he would have to be a year sober before id move back in. and then only for a 3 month trial period where if in any time there was abuse and anger i would go back to living in a seperate house. i would also not have the kids move in during the trial they would stay with family. if it was abuse plainly id leave him. of course there is probably many flaws in my plan and i dont suggest you follow it. thats just what i would do.
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Posts: 5
Joined: October 7, 2014
Posted: October 7, 2014, 8:57 PM
wow I went through a lot of what you have gone through. I jut went through a 10 month relapse with my husband. His drug of choice is crack and over those 10 months he spent of $12,000. He also threatened to kill me and much of what you have gone through. I refused to put up with it and called the police. He got a DV and it was a blessing in disguise. I worked with the prosecutors and the domestic violence advocate and together were able to make him go to rehab. He tried inpatient at first and he couldn't stay sober so they kicked him out and put him in the inpatient program. He is now 2 months sober and just came home friday. He still has 30 days held over his head from the domestic violence, and he still have to complete the out patient program and then after care and anger management as well. If you would like to talk please feel free to email me at gizmo1239@aol.com. I also recommend to go to al-anon. It is really hard to listen to what they have to say sometimes. I get very very angry. But it has helped me so much.
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Posts: 55
Joined: October 15, 2014
Posted: October 18, 2014, 4:54 PM
I am really sorry to hear about your situation.
I guess that a lot of us who come to this forum live or have lived similiar things. Your story sounds familiar. I have the same problem but it is not my husband but my so called brother. I am so sorry to say this and I hope that it will not shock many. This is just the way I feel and look at things now after many years of abuse and suffering. I hear the word "love" the addict. I am not sure that such people are deserving of our so called love. I guess that not all addicts are equal. Maybe there are some that feel sorry for what they are doing and maybe there are some that are not violent. But when the drugs turn a person into a monster and a criminal then we should look at them as so. Drug or not drug. I have to really ask you to consider what this situation does to you. The stress creates havoc in your body and it will cause illnesses. Also on a mental level you are already as you are saying depressed. You will sink in lower and lower. Let's not even talk about the financial disaster. I feel really bad that you have children that are involved and are exposed to this. That stuff marks us for life. It will not get any better. I am not myself a super strong person and can't ask others to be heores, but I hope that you will find the strenght to leave. Go out there and seek support and as many have said it talk to domestic violence advocates. Please get as much support as you can from friends, associations, support groups... Do not feel sorry for your husband. Please respect yourself and worry about your children. Take care and good luck. | ||
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Posted: October 20, 2014, 2:45 AM
Sandra, I have been through alot of what u r describing... heroin is the devils drug I am still with a recovering addict after almost 3 years of pure hell. It is so hard to stay strong for a loved one.. when he was in full active addiction he stole from me and family member he physically mentally and verbally abused me I kicked him out so many times but gave in to him because I didn't want him to live on the streets we have 2 beautiful children together he stooped so low to taking then with him to get his medicine... now I call it medicine because an addict thinks like they need it and they really do because they get sick... the thought of detox/withdrawal scares the living hell out of them.. they would rather steal and do what it takes to get their fix and face the consequences.. it is very hard I know but ur children cannot see what is going on.. hunny u have to get them out I hope they are young enough to not understand like mine were if u love him at all leave him he needs to loose everything before he finally realizes he has a problem and to be completely honest alot of addicts loose the fight of this struggle it is hard to think about but if ur husband does not realize he has a problem ur kids nay not have a father much longer I'm telling u leave and take everything down to last crumb on the floor.. leave a empty house if there is any hope he will go get help and it didn't stop there even after treatment he should go to a sober house meetings group recovery isn't recovery unless ur working to make ur self better. I'm sorry Saundra because I know exactly how ur feeling... stuck heartbroken helpless n most of all lost... it is a hard situation.. I don't know if my better half is clean now.. he recently relapsed and "says" he's clean but u know what I'm gonna do. Stand by him until I am positive he is using because what u never ever wanna do is attack him... he does feel bad for everything he's done I promise and that person u fell in love with is still in there don't give up even if u leave him call him every night and just say I love u that's y I left please get help.. if he refuses call the next night support is the only way to cope through u and him... do not yell at him and tell him what he's done realize from that moment he stuck that needle n his body he was hooked and it took over him 100% his mind body and soul it's going to take a long time to fix what is broken and his whole world will change because he has to relearn how to think how to express emotion crawl before u walk his like a baby. Before u decide what to do sit down with him tell him what's going on in ur head if u need to write it down first tell him u love him and u don't wanna leave him take his children away but it's gone to far cry to him and if he decides to b defensive leave sooner or later he will go get help they HAVE to hit rock bottom... again I'm so sorry let me know if this helps..llp
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Posted: October 20, 2014, 5:16 AM
Kayskyja if ever I read a post that screams enabler you are that.Do you realize you are speaking of an addict and I quote you , you referred to him as your better half....Better half? You really need to get yourself help girl....I see no way no how your situation will ever improve ...my better half I don't wanna yell at him I'll stick by him he said he relapsed but I don't want to accuse him of using. ..read your letter you see yourself through your words ...You have children involved you need to get help asap....your home is built on a sinking foundation it is crumbling around you.....You need to stop enabling take care of yourself because your children need a parent who can take care of them.It might be better right now for the children to be taken care of by a relative they need a safe environment. You need to stop enabling stop referring to him as your better half and toughen up...Make him earn trust make him earn love....You are feeding him a daily dose of weakness and enabling Stop it !!!!!!! THE PITY PARTY Aint GONNA FIX HIM
This post has been edited by Christophers Mom on October 20, 2014, 12:21 PM | ||
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