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My Gf Of Three Years Is A Weed Addict
David






Posted: September 11, 2014, 11:24 PM
So where do I start, my GF of almost three years has a major weed addiction. She smokes as soon as she wakes up in the morning and has hits off her pipe every 30-60 min throughout the whole day until she crashes at night. I don't smoke and she always asks me to have just a little bit but I don't. She hangs around with shady people that smoke with her and spends her days getting high while I'm at work. I've begged her to quit, went to counselling together, asked her to stop hanging around with her "friends" that smoke weed and feel that I've accomplished nothing this whole time. She has lied to me, borrowed money to get it, she disappears to her dealers to get high once or twice a week to reload for the coming days, I'm just so fed up with it. I've contemplated moving out several times because it makes me angry, sad, depressed, lost, unfulfilled, causes me anxiety, I feel hopeless that it will never end, it affects my job, my health in general and I seriously question her judgement and lack of motivation to be more than a slave to weed. She has Bi-polar and tells me it helps her with her anxiety and at times her depression but it is out of control not controlled. Her doctors say the opposite and it apparently deactivates her bipolar medication. She has made over countless promises to quit and says she loves me sooooo much and will do anything for me and blah blah blah. It's driving me nuts at this point. I'm in the bedroom typing this for relief and she is getting fried with some weirdo she met on FB upstairs. What can I do at this point? It has her in a death grip and it's breaking our relationship to pieces. I'm developing a hatred towards her lifestyle and her foggy daydreaming lack of reality. When she smokes she talks a mile a minute, comes up with all these stupid unrealistic goals but never once follows though with any of them, listens to music non stop, calls everyone and anyone she can to chat about nothing productive, binge eats, her eyes are all red and she looks sickly, she can't put sentences together very well, she talks about the past and old relationships, her dad passing away 14 years ago is a always something she has not dealt with and she won't let it go. I'm a caring person but I need to worry about me now and she ruins my day because this has broken our trust and bond. This is not love it's a drama festival and a circus ride I want off. She said she is going to go to treatment and go through a 21 day program, the paper work has been filed and now its a waiting game, I just don't know if I have the strength to continue in this downward spiral.


Posts: 1067
Joined: November 19, 2005


Posted: September 12, 2014, 9:56 PM
Hello and welcome.

Sorry if I put it bluntly-she doesn't love you, she loves the drug. This is not what love looks and feels like. She and all her (friends) she brings around are using you. Get out now. She will continue to lie, manipulate, steal, cheat-that's right-cheat to get what she wants and that is the drug. Why would she change? You give her a place to stay, a place for her using buddies to come, food, money, clothing...etc. Does she have a phone? Who pays for it? Right now you are enabling her. Ultimatums don't work unless you stick to the consequences. Get her out and start taking care of yourself. Find someone who will truly love you.

You didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. She is the one who has to make the decision to quit. If she sees you starting to change and not supporting her, be prepared to hear all kind of LIES. She will tell you what you want to hear until you forgive her and then will go right back to it. Actions speak volumes, the rest is all noise.
You sound like a great caring guy. Unless she changes and gets help, you will only be one of many she will find to manipulate.
Good luck


Posts: 2
Joined: September 15, 2014


Posted: September 15, 2014, 3:27 PM
You're an awesome guy. I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. He's always got an excuse. Sure, he goes to work everyday, so he thinks it doesn't effect him.

However, he comes home, smokes until he passes out, wakes up, smokes, weekends are just one smokey fog of beer weed and cigarettes. Of course, he always adds blow for "special occassions". I woke up one day and realized he's managed to find a reason to celebrate every week for the last few months.

He doesn't have money for anything other than his addiction. He wonders why we aren't "close" and "connecting on a deeper level" but I can't connect to someone who is high and glassy-eyed and not hearing my true thoughts or connecting with me on a sober level. So then he gets angry and assumes that I'm condescending and judging him. Even when I go to great lengths to choose my words carefully and try to be supportive he interprets them in a very negative light.

I need to get away. Hearing your story made it clear this is a common issue for many people. This isn't special. Reading your story I can easily say- "Woah- your girlfriend is a loser. You should go and find someone worthy of you." It's hard to do that with myself though. Thanks for showing me what I need to do.


Posts: 1067
Joined: November 19, 2005


Posted: September 15, 2014, 11:52 PM
It is so sad having to go around watching what you say or do to avoid conflict with your significant other. I call it "walking on eggshells and did it for many years. Looking out the window looking for those glassy eyes, pretending everything was alright to cover up for another.
It doesn't have to be that way. There is someone out there who will treat you right with dignity and respect. Don't be satisfied until you find someone who will love you for you. Think how your mom would feel if the whole truth was known.
Keep this in your mind. THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE IS YOU!


Posts: 1
Joined: September 15, 2014


Posted: September 16, 2014, 10:13 AM
So I just want to say .... I'm Dave's girlfriend... After reading his post, I'm not surprised people don't think I love Him and that it seems I'm a loser... And honestly I couldn't read these comments more than once because it really hurts to see the way no one stops to put themselves in my shoes. So this message is not to defend myself although I feel I'm now the target for many to say hurtful and harmful things . But I realize it's so far a one sided story. So let me give u my side.

Yes I have bipolar disorder... But I take my meds everyday and have not been in hospital for three years now. Mj has been my band aid. Because I suffer with a mood disorder... I have been self medicating for quite some time . However, although this is quite common and there are many known benefits of mj I wish to stop because I am hurting my relationship and myself. I hold the highest respect for mj and it's power has become greater than mine. But i still have more respect for my man. So now is the time I must humble myself and quit. I am going to a 21 day treatment center and that will be the next step. Harm reduction will be my plan in the mean time.

For those accusations cast I will only say... I pay more for rent than he, I pay my own phone bill and half for everything else...the "weirdo" I had over was a really cool musician chick and although we smoked a j we were having great conversation and we were singing and playing music together. Dave wouldn't give her the time of day,,, meanwhile he keeps pestering me to make new friends. Although Dave gets mad and calls me an effing loser.. Beats me down with his actions and words... I still love him with all my heart.... And "blah blah blah"... But it's true. I'm going to do this and it's going to be hard bc he doesn't really support me any more... He's too fed up. So I'm left to dig myself out of this hole and clean myself up... In all fairness I let it get this far...in the first place.

Dave doesn't have anyone really to talk to so your support is very important in helping him understand that weed can takeover and it's not his fault. My smoking has never been in spite of him... But it is what I would normally turn to when I get stressed. So I'm going to find other things to relieve my stresses and be a healthier version of myself for me and for us.

All I'm saying is I'm a person too. There is always two sides to a story and I am not a loser. One who jumps to conclusions without seeking further information.. Casting judgements and saying harsh things about someone ... Usually is a loser in my eyes. Sorry to be so blunt. But you suck all you naysayers and a**-umers .

Dave I'm going to do this. I would appreciate your support here. I love you




Posts: 90
Joined: August 12, 2014


Posted: September 17, 2014, 3:33 PM
C.Lover

I am sorry to hear you feel that those people are attacking you. From one addict to another: you got to take the blame for putting David in this position. Do you think he would've stuck around for so long if he didn't love you? Do you blame him for his reaction, that he is starting to pull away from you?

How about you put your feet in his shoes and try to imagine how you would feel if the situation were turn around. The only way you can show to him that you love him and care for him very much is too stop fooling yourself and to stop seeing yourself as the victim. One thing I learned hard from relationships, is that you got to be willing to meet the other person half way.

You aren't a looser. Just remember David needed people that would understand what he goes through, he should feel free to say and share what he wants to on here. Addicts and those who are family and friends of addicts all got a right to say what the feel here. In a way everyone helps everyone on here and he should still feel welcome to come to this site and express his feelings.

We as addicts are extremely selfish and always see ourselves as the ones that need to be helped. If we don't take the steps ourselves no one can do it for us.

I am sure you both had to have a good connection to be together for so long. How about you keep to your word and show him how much you love him. Just remember actions to speak louder than words in these cases

All of the best for you both.
x
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