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Posted: July 17, 2014, 2:10 PM
I am 24 years old with 3 children.. I met my boyfriend about when I was 18.. After 5 months of being in a relationship I got pregnant.. He took responsibility and has been an amazing provider! He's all about our family and shows all the love he can to our kids, I can see the love he has for our children and although he acts so crazy I can see how much he loves me too.. As a father nd provider he is great but as a boyfriend he's failed! I call it insecure he calls it over protective? within my first pregnancy is when he changed. He was very delusional, jealous, paranoid, controlling (still is) I couldn't take it it any more.. He told me he was on drugs.. That he was using meth and that's the reason he would act the way he would act.. See, he grew up without a mother and father.. His mother past away and he never had his dad, he was raised by a family member and never felt love.. I understood that he promised that when our first son was born he'd change.. He didn't ! Five years later I've realized that those are just excuses, I've gone through hell these past years, he's hit me accuses me every other day of cheating on him, doesn't let me talk to anyone, I'll be on the phone with my sister next to him and by the time I hang up he'll say I was talking in codes about another man?! he is really weird always thinks people are talking bad about him, he's not affectionate, makes things up and believes them.. He lies! I'm fed up with him and have lost all my patience.. I can sometimes ignore the nonsense that comes out his mouth or the way he's looking around but there's days when I can't control myself and just fight back.. Where I call him a tweaker and kick him out and start hitting him.. I've realized I'm going crazy with him ! I am so unhappy.. I am not me anymore.. I don't have a job and I don't want to depend in him anymore I feel that he wants me to need him so he is in control.. I left the house, I am currently staying at my mothers, he started a treatment, but 3 days later he acted really crazy" told me idk what it feels like to be high for seven years and just out of nowhere decide u can't take the drug anymore because it's f***ing u up, I Tryed to keep calm, his doctor told me to be understanding and not sabotage his recovery but also understand that I can't allow him to treat me certain ways because I need to value myself.. but he started getting in my face, I hit him and he hit me back.. He was driving crazy he even got pulled over, I thought he had gotten high again but he just showed me his results and he's negative.. He's been clean for 11 days and wants me to go back home.. I feel I can't take it anymore those mood swings I don't have patience for them anymore, I am glad he finally admitted he needs help and is actually trying for the first time to get off drugs.. Because he promised me he'd get off like every other week.. But all this time he's brought me down with him, I'm only getting older and I feel I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be in.. I want to be able to provide for my kids too and he doesn't want that.. He has a good job but I have nothing.. I just have my kids to motivate me to be something better in life.. i feel I need to find myself too, I don't feel going back to our apt is the solution to it , and although I do want to help him I don't want to be his doormat anymore.. He asked me what I need from him I told him this.. He said he'll fix it and be more supportive but I don't feel it.. He has said he will be many more times before too and he's never followed through..What do u recommend? How can I support him nd keep my foot down?? He says one thing at a time? How long will a recovery take?
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Posted: July 20, 2014, 9:02 AM
Your situation sounds an awful lot like domestic violence. It doesn't matter what the roots of his problems are, he is being controlling and being verbally/physically violent. Factor in the paranoia and drug use, and this is enough to request a personal protection order to keep him away from you and the innocent children.
You need to protect yourself and the kids from his dangerous and criminal behavior. By returning to him, you are giving him "permission" to mistreat you. Forget about focusing your attentions on helping him in recovery. Give him back his problems. They are not yours to shoulder and put up with. If you have no economic resources, find a women's domestic violence shelter and see how they can help you. It is better to start rebuilding your own life now, rather than hang around waiting to see if he will rebuild his. You shouldn't allow him to be the center of the universe and call all the shots. Keep posting and know that many other people are struggling with addiction in their family. | ||
Posts: 10
Joined: July 15, 2014
Posted: July 21, 2014, 5:45 AM
people newly in recovery have to deal with a lot of stress( crash, mood swing- basically their brain just cant supply happy hormones) which is the main reason why it is so hard to quit because it feels like the minute they stop everything goes wrong BUT it is only temporary, like a bad hang over that can last for half to a whole year. Since he has decided to get clean, I would suggest to see him as an patient now instead of your bf, understand his action/words are not his intention but the drug talking. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE let him recover on his own meanwhile work on gaining your life back as well, decide what your future will be like. if you decide to keep him in your life reassure him over and over that when he is ready and well you will be there for him.
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