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Posts: 20
Joined: March 4, 2012
Posted: March 9, 2012, 5:45 AM
Once upon a time there was a Sister & her younger Brother, so young & happy & full of Big Dreams. Unfortunately as they grew up things began to change as their age began to change. Their parents got divorced when they were ages 8 & 5. Following the divorce, they moved to another state to be closer to their Mother's Family. The Divorce was taken differently, the big sister was happy & enjoyed her move closer to her Mothers Family. While the younger brother didn't quite understand why the divorce happened and felt torn between his Mother & Father. That year of the move, they entered a new school and found out that the younger brother had ADHD. This started what I believe the beginning to a life of feeling out of place, low self esteem and a battles with medication to help the ADHD. As a big Sister watching & listening carefully to what my younger brother was going through, I began to see at such a young age my little brother hurting inside, feeling confused and out of place because he was called out of classroom to take his Ritalin for ADHD and always felt like something was wrong with himself. I truly believe his ADHD is what set him up for a rough road of struggles with Addiction.
I can only speak from what I witnessed. After years of my Mother battling with him to take his Ritalin to help his ADHD, he finally grew up and it was time for him to go to college. He wanted to go away to College & he did. My Mother could no longer watch every move he made and couldn't be on top of his medication for his ADHD. So as the story goes, My little Brother was free. In College and now able to do as he pleased. I really felt like it was bird who was let out his cage to fly free for the very first time. As we all know, College is full of all kinds of experiences. Unfortunately for my Little Brother those experiences are what led him to the road of experimentation...Alcohol, drugs & just freedom to do as he pleased. After graduating college myself, I accepted a position at Special Education School. We attended numerous Seminars that discussed the connection of Children with ADHD and teen & adult years turning into Addiction of many kinds, Obsessive Compulsive Gambling and crime ridden lives. I remember the speakers stating that a child with ADHD can have extremely low self esteem and always feel like they don't fit in because they never feel right inside and they know they need medication to make them feel normal or behave and act like they are supposed to. This in return can result in an Adult with ADHD that never feels that sense of normalcy and so in return they try to make themselves feel right by self medicating. The question is when will they ever feel right??? Well for my little Brother he went through various stages, drinking & who knows what else just to fit in and be one of the cool guys, to pledging in a Fraternity to feel a sense of being accepted and fitting in. Then after graduating college moved onto Bigger & Better. Getting jobs in the Financial Industry, being surrounded by Big Shots and Big Problems, drugs, drinking, pill popping and extreme pressure...eventually all that Big Stuff ended himself in Rehab...he was in and out Rehabs quite a few times...The absolute first time I realized wow my little brother really, really needed help is when he came one day to pick me up to take me to a car show that my husband was in...I was about 7 months pregnant and he was driving a little crazy and I felt something was off...I remember thanking God that I got to that car show safely! As we were walking around the car show I remember taking a picture with him and putting my arm around his waste/stomach and felt this huge patch...I didn't say anything at that moment, I just panicked inside and thought to myself " Oh my gosh, my little brother has a serious problem"!!! I went home that nite with my husband and did major research online, sure enough it was a morphine patch he was wearing...I was so angry that he drove me around with me being pregnant but at the same time I was so sad!!! Shortly after that my Mother confronted him about patch and suspected pill popping...this is where all the detox began...I welcomed him into my home to detox in my large master bathroom with huge spa tub...I wanted to do whatever I could to save him, to stop him from hurting himself!!! I hurt watching him hurt...it took me back to time when he was diagnosed with ADHD and he used to get so upset at taking his medication because he would say it made him feel sick...I remember feeling sooooo bad for him and I wanted so badly for my little brother to be free of his ADHD...The absolute bottom for me & my family was 2 years ago he had moved, said he was coming clean on his own terms; he was taking methadone from a clinic & living in sober house.. During this time our Grandfather passed away and my brother had no choice but to attend the Funeral...I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, he showed up at church for funeral service, extremely over weight and sweating like crazy and my Uncle asked him how he was doing and he turned to him and said "Honestly not good at all". I felt so sick in my stomach, here I was looking at my brother who used to be this extremely handsome, bright outgoing guy and somehow he had turned into an absolute addict...after the funeral I approached my Parents & Grandmother and told them that I was extremely scared that we were going to loose him!!! I knew that saying the person has to hit rock bottom but this was my little brother who needed help so badly!!! I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try...my grandmother agreed to put him into a really good rehab and he agreed as well...well as most of you know Rehab can only work if you are ready and willing to make it work...I knew there was a chance he could go back to old habits but at least I could sleep at night knowing I saved his life at that moment...sure enough it wasn't the end of addiction...Its been 7 Years of detox, different kinds of rehabs, new jobs, moving from place to place, battling different addictions and worst of all the last time he was caught stealing from my Mother & Step Father to support his habit...This time for me & our family was the absolute worst of the worst, stealing, lying and totally out of control....Since my brother started his drug addiction, I have tried to educate myself about addiction, different drugs and how to help your loved ones...there are so many people's perspective's on how to handle the addict that you love dearly...in my opinion you have to do what you feel is right, always think from their side not just yours and always remember you never want to say what if I could have done that...just do what you feel is right at the moment in time and you will live free of regret! With this last time, my brother had come out of that really nice rehab and I just had a gut feeling within a few months that he wasn't right...I remember feeling so sick inside and crying myself to sleep wondering why can't he stop, doesn't he see that we need him in our lives..I watched his different behavior patterns and unfortunately noticed that he was definitely using again...I did major research online and it all led to Heroine use...I was spot on to what he was doing! In the end, I had to make my parents aware of what was going on because once again I was afraid he was going to kill himself... This was really it! What he was doing to himself was just totally insane to us as family members...we all wondered where did it go so wrong??? Only he knows that answer and we finally left it up to him to make the decision that we all had made for him so many times just to save his life...This time we left the decision making up to him...he basically was faced with 2 options: To either be homeless, living out of his car with nothing or to go to a long term rehab...He was given a week in my parents home to figure this out... He made the choice to go to long term rehab...Now at the time we all were thinking well sure he doesn't want to be homeless so he's just going to rehab...But this time he made the choice, he found the rehab, he went, he hung in there and slowly over 8 months he really has pulled himself together!!! He came out of rehab about month ago, 200 pounds lighter, looking full of life & healthy and really humble & thankful for his family his life back...he has since been living a sober house, got a great job a few weeks ago, keeping to a routine of focusing on his life, his health and just once again enjoying all the little joys of life...Honestly, if you were to see my brother in the end of his last drug use, you would say I don't know if he will ever, ever come clean again...well he did it and so can others!!! We are sooooooo proud of him and sooooooooo grateful for his life!!! We really thought we were going to loose him & God has given him another chance at life...He has taken control of his own life and has a totally different attitude in his everyday thinking...so in the end my little brother has another chance to live happily ever after...all we can do is pray that he continues to value his life and wants the best for himself... I will be posting more and if you have any questions feels free to ask...there is so much to write but I just wanted to put out the most important moments in my life with my brother to help others see you are not alone and there are so many of us that go through these difficult times with loved ones...thank you for taking the time to read my story!!! Best wishes for all going through tough times!!! Keep the faith & never stop believing in someone you love!!! Unconditional Love & Support is #1!!! | ||
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Posted: May 15, 2012, 5:23 PM
hello caring sister,
I found your story while I was trying to find a happy end to my own story. I myself am a caring and loving sister of a 19 year old addictive brother. My parents are not divorced. There isnt any financial problems. We were put in the best schools and were received the best treatment from our loving parents. I am 22 years old. I have another brother who is 18 years old but is very obedient and mature unlike his bigger brother. Growing up, Me and my family suspected that my brother suffered from ADHD but we didnt do anything about it. Psychology is not common from where i come from. We always thought he was a normal boy but was a little more hyper . When he was 13, he became friends with older dudes who smoked weed. We were very attentive and tried to cut him off his friends but we failed. From that time, my brother has been having major behavioural problems. His peers were all drug dealers,car stealers and thieves. He was friends with the scum of our neighbourhood and things started to get out of control. He is accused of stealing a car and has stolen all of my and my mom's jewelery . You name it , he stole it. Houses, cars,gold, cameras, IDs and anything he could get his hands on. It was very hard for us to beleive it. We denied it at first. We are a very conservative family and his behaviour was not acceptable nor expectable ! When we confronted him about the jewelery he addmitted it and said he was sorry and that he would never do it again. But of course, he did it over and over. at the age of 15 he dropped out of school and said that he;d prefer working . He moved between jobs alot and had trouble with commitment. In the past few months , We found out that hes been clubbing heavily and taking Ecstasy pills. He suffered from hallucinations and we thought that he is having a psychological problem. We took him to the doctor and he diagnosed him of having schizofrenia. After hallucinating for over 20 days , staying at home, having panic attacks and severe paranoia, yesterday he has gone out with his old buddies and didnt return. Ps. we have been giving him medications for the schizofrenia that decrease violence and helps him stay calm. Do you think it is a psychological problem? or a drug problem?? Hes probably having a drug problem but we can hardly beleive he is addicted to drugs ! What should we do ! PLEASE HELP US! we are desperate! He wont admit he has an addiction problem! He won't let us help him. This is taking a toll on all of our family. | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: May 15, 2012, 7:19 PM
My brother was just like that and it's a chicken-or-egg issue...which came first the drugs or the schiozophrenia? Well, the schizophrenia can be brought about from extended drug use, and especially from things like ecstasy or other 'trips'. My brother became psychotic and stayed that way a long time after his period of hallucinogens. He was institutionalized several times for many months and he spoke to the TV, was withdrawn, talked crazy talk, was paranoid, drew frightening pictures, and sometimes took off for days at a time, especially if he stopped taking the meds his doctors ordered.
There was nothing we could do. My dad had him locked up a couple of times, but then stopped doing that and just had to let him go...he was going to do whatever he was going to do and we could not stop him...we had to accept he might not make it. On one of his run-aways he got beaten up badly by a couple of dealers who left him for dead on a rooftop. It took 15 years for the doctors to get the medications right and for him to accept that he was not going to be well without them. Now he is married and stable and one of the happiest guys I know...it can happen. BUT you and your family can only take care of yourselves. Don't let him abuse you and don't let his addictions and mental issues hold you all hostage. He has to do this himself as hard as that is to accept. Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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