Happy Birthday
Posted: February 27, 2012, 12:26 PM


Posts: 198
Joined: February 28, 2011



Some of you might see this as being Coda but I don't care...

P reached his 6 months clean and sober on Saturday. G and I are very proud of him and all of the progress we continue to see him make.

He also started working part time at a goat farm, now runs an AA meeting one night a week, and this past week I have been shocked by his new concious attempt at taking personal accountability for his actions.

It is funny how we both trip over ourselves trying to practice the "fair fighting" rules even in our normal conversations now.

I still am struggling with the uncomfortable feeling of wanting/needing conflict/crisis/worry but that is mine to deal with and I am taking it one day at a time.

CONGRATS TO ME: Yesterday I got a really bad headache and when P got home from work he took over caring for the baby. Not even realizing it also let him take care of ME. Sounds silly but this really is a big change. I didn't even have to ask him what he was going to make for dinner. Actually I went to ask him for help with prepping what I thought I was going to make but he informed he was already planning to make something else.

It was amazing. When we got back he got cleaned up, took over caring for G, I layed down on the couch and basically just stayed there the rest of the night (and can you believe I actually started feeling better). Before I would have been grouchy, continued to clean, cook, and do whatever else I felt needed to be done and all th while resented and blamed him for me doing it. When he was giving G a bath last night we actually talked about the change and he shared that he was really surprised at the way I let him just take over. He felt good, I felt good, and G was happy to have both mommy and daddy there to both play and cuddle him. Regardless of the headache it really was such a happy time.

All this proves the saying is right, "it works if you work it".

Thanks for letting me share:)
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Posted: February 28, 2012, 12:50 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



Why is that being a "coda" if you are celebrating your husband's clean time? I dont' get it?

I think it's awesome! He's doing the work and reaping the benefits which in turn, you get to too!


Couldn't be happier for you both!

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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Posted: March 5, 2012, 12:09 PM


Posts: 198
Joined: February 28, 2011



I guess it is my own fear/insecurity that I still struggle with focusing too much on his progress rather than my own.
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Posted: March 5, 2012, 1:27 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



Are you doing that? Focusing more on him? Relating your happiness to his? If so, then yea, you got a problem but if you're just happy to have the insanity out of your life and the person you love healthy and happy...I don't see a problem?

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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Posted: March 5, 2012, 2:08 PM


Posts: 198
Joined: February 28, 2011



I am not always sure which it is... so I'll go with it being still a mix of both.

As of February 28th I have been coming to this site for 1 year:)
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Posted: March 5, 2012, 2:24 PM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



INewmom, once I lost track of my daughter's clean time I knew I was really getting better. I was SO into those little milestones, then on her 12 month sober date (for the 2 time) she went to an NA meeting, got her applause and her keychain, then went out and got high. Said she'd earned that keychain even if she *was* planning her relapse...said it was a big FU to everyone who thinks 12 months is such a big deal when it's just another number. I was floored...just didn't even know what to make of it...I gave up counting then and figured when she was really 'in recovery' I'd know it and it wouldn't matter for how long. Now the only way I know is because her clean time has pretty much coincided with her pregnancy with only a few months clean before she got pregnant.

Let him celebrate if he wants to...you celebrate you.

Paix ~ M&M

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

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Posted: March 6, 2012, 12:15 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



My clean time is very important to me. I earned it, I worked hard for it. Alot of addicts/alcoholics in recovery feel the same way. It is our measure of time for when the insanity stopped. It's how we feel good about ourselves when nothing else could do that. I do at times forget how many years now, is it 8 or is it 9? But I know that up to that first year, it meant everything to me. And my family.

Everybody's different on this approach..go with what works for you.

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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Posted: March 6, 2012, 1:18 PM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



Yes, any clean time is wonderful, don't misunderstand me, I agree that the milestones can be a great motivator and a great feel-good thing. I guess what I want to say is that the celebrating should have come from her (my daughter)...if I was asked to share in that I would have happily done so, but ME doing the counting and being happier about than she was ended up being too much like watching and vigilance...which I did ad nauseum.

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Posted: March 6, 2012, 1:23 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



Ah, I get what you're saying now. And yes, I totally agree. I asked my family to share it with me, well, actually didn't give them a choice because I made such a big damn deal about it. lol Jake is the same...he hit that year mark, I didn't even know until that morning...we went out to dinner with the whole family and celebrated but only because he wanted too!

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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