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Posts: 3
Joined: November 7, 2014
Posted: November 12, 2014, 1:05 AM
I had a boyfriend on and off for 6 years he was heavy into drugs. No matter how many times he got help he couldn't stop. But I remember when we first started dating i was this sweet little innocent girl. We had been dating maybe two months when he asked if I want to smoke. I didn't know what to say. I was nervouse and i felt like if I said no hed leave. So I smoked.
It was my first love Marijuana..it was like it took me out of the world and into another place. I loved it. I loved how creative I got when I smoked. I could help but fall in love. I only smoked with him at first because i was new to this stuff I didn't want people to judge me. Then it started. My love got worse. I craved it every chance i got. When I was with him i not only smoked but I popped pills too. Don't ask me what they were because I couldn't tell you. He gave i took. When me and my boyfriend broke up I felt sad and depressed. I didn't know how else to handle it. So I smoked my pain away. I didn't touch pills for awhile after that I said I would stop i was then the bad sibling. And I wanted my family to be proud but it didn't last long. I couldn't afford what I wanted so I started telling my friends if they smoked me up Id sleep with them. That's what happend. I look back on it now and regret it but I was craving it. I said and made a promise to myself that no matter how bad my addiction got it wouldn't get in the way of my schooling. Which ment never going to school high. I car pooled with a bunch of people and they couldn't aford to pay me in cash so I started up again. I said you smoke me up then don't worry about the money. So they did. We smoked on the way to school at least twice a week. At first I was like f*** I can't do this I need to focus. My buddies just laughed as we sat through our first class together. This went on for awhile. I smoked before school and after school. It had became who i was. On March 17,2010 i got into an car crash. No I was not high i was on my way to get high but I wasn't high. The whole time i was more focused on smoking than I was on the fact I just crashed. No car ment no marijuana. I craved it since I was in physical pain. But I kept my cool around my parents. That's when my pain got worse and the proscribed me pills. Now I was in trouble. I abused them and said im in pain. But really I just wanted to get high. This went on for at least a year till I finally told a friend what was happening. He flushed my pills down the toliet and told me to go to sleep or at least try. The first couple of days were hard. But I got through it. I can now say I am 5 years clean. The cravings never go away. I just learned how to deal with them and distract myself from the thoughts. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: November 12, 2014, 8:52 AM
My recovery began in a recovery home in 1989 then straight into AA/NA.
I committed to the program and the cravings/compulsion left in the first year. It has been decades since I entertained the thoughts of drinking/using. My life today is a continuing practice on living sober/clean using The 12 Steps. They told me: "If you sober up a drunken horse-thief you still have a horse-thief" Putting the booze/drugs down is just the beginning... if I want the whole recovery benefit. I wish you the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posts: 2
Joined: November 11, 2014
Posted: November 14, 2014, 10:54 AM
honestly this got to me... omg it felt like I'm reading my life, I'm going thru this right now and i feel hopeless please help... i feel like nobody understands me:(
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: November 14, 2014, 11:45 AM
Hi liz001 - you are not alone - we all feel hopeless from time to time- it is a manifestation of this disease we share- when you feel alone or that nobody understands you - reach out to fellow addicts at NA meetings or on this site- very few people understand the mind of an addict- except for fellow addicts- you will always find somebody here who has a similar outlook on life- or has been through the same sort of feelings you are experiencing- dont give up hope liz, some days it is all we have to hang on to- never give up on yourself- life can and will improve if you listen to the advice from the people who post on this site, i have found them all to be so helpful- non judgemental and honest- honesty is so important in recovery- nobody on this site will dress it up- they will tell you what you need to hear- they have been there and done it - so heed their advice good luck liz- keep reaching out -
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