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Posted: October 31, 2014, 2:25 AM
Hi,
I'm not very good at expressing myself when it comes to this but I feel I need to at least try... My partner is severely addicted to weed. I love him but I know I shouldn't stay because it's damaging me so very much but I stay anyway hoping it will change or that I can somehow work around it. - he can't go an hour without weed or he'll get angry - he's only happy when he's high. - He'll go on ranting about non-sensical tangents not much based in reality (both when he's high and happy, and when he's angry and sober) and I can't relate to it - and he can't relate to sober me. He thinks i'm too serious etc. - He has no money for anything but weed. - He takes money off me all the time. I tried to put a stop to this but he gets crafty, suggesting we go out and then at the counter he will tell me he doesn't have enough money. I have talked to him about this but his behaviour doesn't change much. It makes me feel angry, disrespected, unappreciated, etc etc. The real cruncher of this current problem is what happened two days ago. I had already put up with alot of his verbal abuse and bs over the past couple of days and I was trying to be nice and help him out by accompanying him to the city to go to an appointment... (I notice the pattern with him is: one hour of not smoking = angry, irritable and unpleasant person.) So, i notice we'd been out for an hour and then suddenly like clockwork he starts going on about how hungry he is, i try to remedy it and suggest a place to eat (silly me, choosing a place two blocks away) , we are half way across a major road in the city when he says "I said I was hungry now! Where is this place?@!" I said "two blocks away" i was getting anxious, i blurted out "Well pick a place! any place!" then... he shoved me forward screaming "f*** off", right there in the middle of the road. and stormed off - he didn't stop to get food, he went straight back home to smoke weed. I've spent the past couple of days hating myself and him, crying and being generally f***ed up about it. The worst thing is he says and thinks Im a horrible person, he doesn't appreciate anything i do for him. Even though I help him so so so much. It's so s***. Why do I put up with it? Sometime's it feels like my life is better off without him, but when I'm without him my life is pretty miserable I feel such a need for companionship. I previously left him for 3 years.... and have explored relationships with other people, including a 2 year relationship. But I never feel as comfortable with anyone else as I do with him, including intimacy. Being with anyone else feels awkward. On the plus side I was able to see what it's like to have logical arguments in relationships with partners that are sober - wow it makes such a difference i tell you!... but I love him, I hate his addiction and what it does to him and us! I wish he could be normal. In the words of my step-mother about getting back with him "are you a f***ing idiot?". Last time we were together he did some pretty s***ty things including leaving me high and dry for the rent money and then when we got evicted he left all his s*** behind leaving me to clean everything up cause the lease was in my name not his. Never takes responsibility This time - it's been 'ok' at times but then gets chaotic. I get scared if he's been an hour without weed. He never buys me anything i always buy him stuff. He never makes an effort for me. He's in a lot of s*** atm, he is behind on his rent but still smoking, all his money is going towards smoking. He's going to get kicked out soon and he wants to stay with me for a little bit... I am not comfortable with it at all. He doesn't have anywhere else to go. I want him to get back on his feet but he takes no responsibility. I try to help him look for work but he doesn't seem interested in that at all... I don't know what to do. I realise these are the choices I have made and I take full responsibility for my situation. I need some advice I guess. I have such low self-esteem. I don't have much else in terms of hanging out with people, I need company. Everyone else is busy with their lives and living alone i feel so lonely and depressed most of the time. I don't have a great network of people that care about me. Pretty sad i'm so alone. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 31, 2014, 9:14 AM
AA & NA is for the addict.
Al-Anon & Narc-Anon is for the co-dependant. He is addicted to the drug and you are addicted to the druggie. You both need help. Al-Anon will be in your local phone book, give them a call. They have been where you are. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: November 9, 2014, 8:00 PM
The best advice I can give to you is to, "GET OUT"
I've been in a relationship actually married to a guy for 23 years and have been on a roller coaster ride the entire time. I've left, yes and went back.... He's quit but the hell I go through for 4-6 weeks while he withdraws is HELL! I'm beyond any love for him right now. The verbal abuse, the angry outrages, the humiliation in public. I love me to much to continue in this horrific relationship. When I'm away I ask myself why I've stayed and I can't answer the questions. Life is to short be free and look for a partner that is free of drugs and know who they are. Don't put up with the abuse and be degraded by them. There's something wrong with them not you. | ||
Posts: 144
Joined: November 8, 2014
Posted: November 9, 2014, 9:22 PM
Plus your old friends don't want to hear it anymore...got it...been there.
You are in such a hole. I know your going to take him in. Your going to live in hell and your going to regret it. You know it too. The only thing I can say...is just keep coming here and posting for solutions...but your not going to save him...he has to save himself..and it doesn't sound like he wants to save himself YET. Why do us women put up with so much abuse and why do we bring it on??? I wish you would turn away NOW before you let him move in...Please say you can or WILL. Say your Mom will never speak to you again or something if you can't say its YOU that can't deal with it. God...what a nightmare these drugs are...and believe me I'm surrounded by them as well..your not alone. | ||
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