post replypost new topic
Trying To Quit After Smoking For Over A Decade.
HelpMeQuit






Posted: September 18, 2014, 5:53 AM
Hello, I made this post on a different topic but I didnt wanna hijack someone elses thread so I made this 1. I make some references to posts by other people in the aforementioned topic so I am sorry if parts dont make sense but I put a lot of heart and time into the post so starting over didnt seem right. Here is a link to the topic if you feel the need to refer to it although I dont feel it would be required.

http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=21&t=72318



Hello, I am 29 years old and like many of you that have posted here; I started smoking when I was in high school. My story and and struggle is very similar to most of yours. I have often times tried to quit and never been successful, all my friends smoked and whenever we made plans to do anything lighting up a blunt was almost assuredly involved.

I went on vacation to India on August 27th of this year (about 3 weeks ago) and did not smoke the day before my trip nor today when I arrived back home. I have a bag of weed about 2 feet from my right hand and a slip of rolling papers under this keyboard. I have a small urge to roll up because I am jet lagged and have nothing else to do since its 5:23 A.M. and I woke up 3 hours ago. I am very fortunate for as of yet I have not had some of the severe side effects that some on this forum have described. I really feel I have a shot of quitting this time, although I am not very confidant of my will power. And fear my weakness will force me to give in now that I am back in the states with friends who smoke.

I used to be a genius and had the best memory out of anyone I knew. I remember once my friend was watching a show and it was a rerun of Spin City that I had already seen and I just felt like showing off and I went on to say line for line every word right before the actors said it on the screen for the next 5-10 mins until i got bored. A month ago I could start a conversation and be talking in length about something and half way through forget the whole point of why I had brought it up.... I was really ashamed of myself for how I had wasted the gifts God had been so generous to provide me.

I have begun to read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg to better get a grasp for my addiction and hopefully learn new ways of breaking my poor habbits (weed is only one). Although I have only just started reading it I found the prologue to be most helpful and motivating. I also work at a gas station that is family owned where half my customers are pot heads. I used to also sell weed from my store due to this and didn't care if it the guys hanging around my store were smoking a cig or a blunt. It was all the same to me. I have not gone to work yet since I just landed about 12 hours ago and am very fearful that I might give in when I return to my job tomorrow. I really am nervous.

I am also motivated by the fact that I an now at least recall some of my dreams. And now though I may forget my point when linking two different things in a conversation I can more often than not remember what it was if I take a few secs to try and remember. I seem to differ from most of you in that when I was high I felt my anxiety and insecurities instead of now when im trying to quit. Even in the airport I had multiple conversations with strangers and exchanged stories of my travels and was eager to listen to theirs. I can't seem to remember some of their faces however and that scares me because I used to never forget a face. Now people come up to me often that seem to know me and I have no clue who they are although that may be in part due to my job. Seeing hundreds of new faces every day while high prolly took its toll on me.

I found that even now however, only a month after quitting my memory is improving that really helps me in wanting to continue to aspire to be drug free. I have read some of your stories and it gives me strength in knowing others are going through similar tribulations and coming out ok. It saddens me to think of how foolish I was to even start, but you can't change the past only mold the future and that is what I am attempting. I am getting married very soon and will have kids shortly after that God willing. I want to be a good father so that also strengthens my resolve because I want to be a role model for my children and that's a tough roll to play for a stoner.

I really enjoyed the post by Ditto on the first page of this post and will likely read it again after writing this post, if anyone is reading this and wants to quit I suggest not over thinking it and going with your gut. Also vacationing with non stoner friends/family to a place where weed is not easy to come by is also very helpful. I dont know what else to say, but I thank those of you that have left positive feedback and remarks to the OP although I am ashamed to admit I have already forgot his name but if I had to quit (Jeff or Simon). Likely I am wrong and yea I just want to get my life in order and reading stories of people with similar goals has really helped me thank you all.
HelpMeQuit






Posted: September 19, 2014, 4:08 AM
Still going strong


Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011


Posted: September 19, 2014, 8:35 AM
Good luck with your "poor habits" (I call them addictions).
If you can walk away from them I wish you the best.

If you find that, in the end, you can't walk away from them then join us at the NA meetings.

All the best.
Bob R

--------------------
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf


AA's HOW IT WORKS:
Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf


NA's HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf


----------------------------------------------------------------

--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.


---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.


---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .


"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr


WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)


Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013


Posted: September 19, 2014, 9:59 AM
Help me

I can identify with your story. The mental thing does get scrambled when we smoke. It affects how memories are accessed and how information is stored. It's still there, but hard to retrieve. I know all about losing your train of though mid-story....very frustrating.

A month is good progress - keep it up. If you didnt have major issues in your life before you started smoking - you will find it fairly easy to stay away. Heavy smoking usually is a associated with anxiety/depression issues. I never had the trouble with putting weed aside when my life was mostly free of these issues. It became much more of mental crutch when life took a downturn that I am still trying to pull out of.

I've found the more you write - the more you work things out. Anonymity is great - that is what this forum is for. There are people in my life who found out about this outlet of mine and it caused me to stay away for a while - but I dont care anymore. They will say they are doing it out of 'love and concern'...but they are just simple gossips who need their 'fix'. Kind of like reading someones diary, or secretly reading their texts, reading their e-mails etc.... Just lowlife behavior in my opinion....oh HI family!!

Sorry about that distraction - you should stay positive. I have been distracted by others and it has made me a mess at times. More defiant, rebellious, and confrontational than I ever was before a few years ago. When you are troubled...come here and ask questions. If I can help in any way I will - because that in turn helps me. We all need to figure things out in our own way - communicating with others who are also struggling is a big help to figuring yourself out.

Hope this helps
HelpMeQuit






Posted: September 20, 2014, 1:04 AM
Thx, DAC yes I really enjoy the anonymity of this forum and do think that talking/writing about it really helps, today is my first time drinking with access to weed and I am still holding strong with a bad of weed yet again 2 feet from my hands. My cousin that I talked to suggests that I throw it out but I think it helps me to keep it, to know that I am quitting because thats what I want in my life not because of a mere convenience issue. I told my cousin I was posting in an online site but I didnt go as far as to tell him which one. But if he was really nosy I suppose he could find it because its one of the first ones that show up on google. I doubt he would do so however. I find it real hard to talk to family about this especially my elders because I am so ashamed and in my culture is looked down upon much more than most societies. But how long do you think it will take before I regain my focus because I truly miss it :*(. Posting on here sure helps and if you are strugging urself I really suggest reading the book I suggest in my OP "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg when I feel really burdened by my addiction I start reading that to reaffirm that I am making the right choice. This world is quite beautiful and great and memories of it are important so I am tired of forgetting about my experiences because each and every one is precious. I really feel like having the weed at my side helps because I dont feel like I need it when I have it and just choose not use it. But this is only day 2 but like I said I have been drinking so I was scared a bit but I dont think I will break tonight. Thanks much for ur response I really appreciate the support.
HelpmeQuit






Posted: September 21, 2014, 10:22 AM
Made it through my first weekend in America, was worried about this but I did it. Urges are becoming more and more minimal and happy with my progress. Whenever I feel my brain starting to think about smoking I just change the subject or come on here. This site is great and realying a ton. =D
HelpMeQuit






Posted: September 23, 2014, 11:51 AM
Was really craving to smoke, thank god for this site. I read my old posts and reaffirmed my desire to leave drugs in my past. Anyone who is trying to quit I suggest doing the same. After reading my posts the urge really went away. Being bored really sux though, need to find things to do during the day times when all my friends are at work :(.


Posts: 39
Joined: October 29, 2014


Posted: October 29, 2014, 10:54 PM
congratulations! keep up the good work! and stay strong!
HelpMeQuit






Posted: November 4, 2014, 3:09 AM
Thank you, still holding strong although I did have a minor hiccup and toked one night a few weeks ago when I was in a very bad mood and drunk. I got so mad at myself afterwards and tossed out the rest of the weed I had laying around so I dont have access to it so easily in my times of weakness. Am doing good again and the urges are getting less and less. Last 2 weekends I was at halloween(lol spelled it halloweed first time) parties where countless blunts were being smoked and was able to fight the urge to smoke fairly easily. Lucky for me for the most part I have friends who are supporting my decision and it really helps.
post replypost new topic