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Posts: 1
Joined: August 27, 2014
Posted: August 27, 2014, 4:44 PM
I am Pat and I am recovering from my past drug use during my adolescent years. I am now 19 years old and my body's been clean from narcotic pills and marijuana for three strong months now. I just feel like i need empathy from those who had a similar experience because I am going through such a hard time emotionally and mentally.
Here's my background! Bare with me :) Last three years ago, I moved to a small and poor reservation on Arizona because my mother lost her beautiful job up in Maryland(which she now got back YAY!). Moving was very hard because I had to leave behind all my friends and I had to break-up with my first girlfriend (AWH!). So now I had to go to a different school and be a total stranger. Its very surprising when I found out that 2 out of 3 kids in this high school did drugs. I was very lonely so I started to hang out with the wrong crew just for friendship. I was 15 and was rebellious like most teenagers. I felt accepted as I tried the drugs most of these kids were taking. I also wanted to forget about everything that I left behind in maryland so I tried to erase myself and my memory by doing drugs WORST CHOICE EVER. I smoked and took everything that I could to destroy myself and change to something new. I smoked marijuana regularly and I was out of control. I snorted pills like vicodin, xanax, and oxycotin. I also drank a little and smoked tobacco, just what ever I have infront of me. When I look at it now, I see a dumbass...this kid doesnt realize that his life is valuable and his parents take care of him while he's all out there destroying himself. I gradually felt lost. My memory started to get worst and worst that I can't remember things right away. I can't focus on anything to the point that I can't even watch movies and have a long conversation. My analyzing skills declined as well. What happened to that child who was known for having a sharp memory. I developed a strong paranoia and depression that had been stuck with me until this day. I'd get scared at the silliest things and have no logical explanation to back it up. My insomnia worsted. I asked my self is "is this what i wanted?" My mental state is so poor that I feel like I'd loose... my mind.. any.. second... After the darkest four years, thank god, my mother got her job back, and we moved back to maryland. It was the perfect time to quit cold turkey and leave my addiction behind. I never saw any of the junkies I called "friends". I started to hang around clean people and I also started to attend church every sunday. I'm also working on a daily healthy routine which is jogging, stretching, breathing, and lifting. My mind had little improvements. I feel like I'm not going to perfectly gain my self the way I was when I was clean any time soon. I feel as if I have the same mental ability of a 10 year old and I feel ashamed of myself. I appriciate everyone who took time and read my story! I just had to let it out somewhere or these thoughts I keep all by myself would kill me! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! | ||
Posts: 1
Joined: August 27, 2014
Posted: August 27, 2014, 10:56 PM
Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you the best of luck.
Try not to be discouraged about the past and keep striving for the promising future you now have as a result of making the bravest decision you could make for yourself. I admire your strength! | ||
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Posted: September 1, 2014, 2:54 AM
Wow. You have more self-awareness and perspective than most people have at 30. Major kudos to you for walking a new path. Getting through this readjustment will be tough but eventually you will look at it like it was just a bump in the road that ended up informing your purpose. Again, kudos-so much to celebrate.
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Posts: 39
Joined: October 29, 2014
Posted: October 29, 2014, 11:01 PM
hi!
hag in there Buddy, the road to recovery is really tough, but stay strong! | ||
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