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Time To Get My Life Back
Vincent






Posted: July 9, 2014, 10:19 AM
Hello everybody my name is Vincent. I never thought i would be on a website talking about my marijuana addiction. I started in 8th grade and now 2 years out of college deciding to quit cold turkey. I always told myself it's a faze and i would get over it eventually. I thought wrong! Everything revolved around it. Movies, TV Shows, basketball, Snowboarding, any activity that i would normally do WEED made it better. Some people don't think anything of it, but the people on this website are different. All of you want to make a change in your life and that is why i am here.

I turned into someone that i hated. When i was at work all i thought about was smoking. Anywhere i was all i thought up was getting home to smoke. To whoever said marijuana isn't addictive.. well it is. To me it is extremely addictive. I got to the point where being sober didn't even feel right. That is when i wanted to get help. I noticed when i wasn't high i would treat my loved ones and friends differently. Pure anger towards them for no reason. Once i smoked i reminisced on my actions an eventually apologized.
I am currently 25 years old. I have a full time job and always been good academically. So why do i want to stop? I am ashamed of myself. I never thought i would let it get this far, because i was always fed stories that weed isn't bad, weed is natural, etc... It helped me cope with bad times and has always been there for me. As sad as that sounds me realizing i have this problem was a big step. I want to change my life around.

It is currently day four without smoking. I am extremely short tempered, insomnia inst too bad, but the urge to smoke is astronomical. I had about an eighth left before my last toke. I flushed it down the toilet. It was one of the hardest things i ever did. I knew in my heart that i can't keep holding it off. It has to stop and it has to stop right now.

I have read almost every post on this site. It is amazing and heart warming how people come together to help. I hope some take the time out to read my story and respond.

Thank you for reading. GOD BLESS
?






Posted: July 11, 2014, 12:35 AM
Vincent,
i am very sorry that no one has replied to your post....it took great courage for you to share with strangers how you are finally making a stance in trying to quit marijuana and that you too admit that pot is an addiction..if not physically but certainly mentally..i hope that you are past day four by now.
good luck
Vincent






Posted: July 11, 2014, 7:46 AM
No worries. I appreciate the reply. Not going to judge people who view my story and move on. I can't say i have replied to everyone's myself.Today is day seven! My insomnia hasn't been bad, but the cravings are still there. Taking it day by day. I keep myself busy with work and the gym so i don't have that on my mind. A lot of people i have told that i am close too don't seem to understand why i stopped. I have a great job and a MBA. So they ask why? That kind of hurts, but it's not like their forcing me to smoke it's just been apart of all our lives for awhile.

How's everything with you?
grizzly






Posted: July 12, 2014, 2:54 PM
good job! it's true it is highly addictive, im pretty sure people just say it's not as a defence towards the drug it self. but good luck on your journey, quitting becomes a lot easier.. and soon it will just be a distant memory
Vincent






Posted: July 14, 2014, 7:12 AM
It is day 9. I am very surprised that my urge to smoke isn't as bad as i thought. I will continue to post my journey ! Thanks everyone for the support.
ali baba






Posted: July 23, 2014, 4:54 PM
I do also think marijuana is addictive my story is similar to your story unlike you however I can't go for a day without a hit . . keep going on your goal to get ur life back
Vincent






Posted: July 28, 2014, 7:21 AM
Was at a party Saturday. A couple drinks with friends let to me smoking. I am disgusted with myself cause today would have marked 1 month. I am ashamed and stressed out because of it.


Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013


Posted: July 28, 2014, 1:07 PM
vincent

Dont beat yourself up over a slip. Quitting is a process, just because you go for a certain amount of time wont eliminate your desire to smoke. It will always be there in some form or another... I had 7 years completely clean - with almost 10 years away from marijuana, but I never REALLY answered the question for myself about why I needed to quit - I just quit cold turkey and stuck to it. I quit because I was a responsible businessman , had a large family, I was a church member. I, Like you, was ashamed to smoke and just wanted it out of my life for good.

This is why I write here in the fashion I do. I quit, not knowing why, and I got sucked back into it when the synthetic marijuana came out several years ago. I was caught in a downturn in life where it looked very likely I would lose my business, my house, and everything I had worked for after 25 years of dedication. I experienced true depression for the first time in my life. At the time the synthetic was legal and was available at my corner gas station. I started smoking the synthetic and my mood changed dramatically. I had new ideas , new optimism, new energy...the same things anyone would feel after using a drug after 7 years of sobriety.

But the synthetic is poison. It's a man-made concoction of chemicals that are VERY addictive and cause all kind of mental stress even months after stopping. In short , synthetic marijuana was like smoking an addictive crack/marijuana mix with severe physical consequences when I attempted to quit. I had never been turned upside down so much with a drug before, and it's why I first came here to write.

I picked up smoking marijuana again in an attempt to help lesson the withdrawals I was having. The pot itself didnt really even get me high - my tolerance was just too high from having smoked 'VERY STRONG' synthetic. However, I noticed it did temporarily ease the depressive thoughts, and it helped me sleep. These were not recreational properties , so I started to see a value to marijuana that wasnt just in getting high - because I really COULDNT get high.

An addict CANT quit, CANT moderate, CANT function normally in life....but I could do all those things so I didnt consider myself addicted. I told myself that if I can put it away completely for months at a time, then I could smoke for a couple weeks and it wouldnt hurt anything. This is where I am currently. I am at the beginning of another 'sober period' and come here to share what I learn. I am NOT advocating others do as I do , I am just passing on some observations based on 30 years experience with marijuana.

When people come here to seek help or vent after quitting their DOC they are almost always depressed or angry about the drug they just quit. The natural irritablility and anger experienced during withdrawals gets focused on the drug, and they blame all the problems they have in their life on THAT drug. When the withdrawals wind down , attitudes change, and like you found out VIncent - a month away and marijuana doesnt seem as bad and evil as it did in the first couple days after quitting.

There is no 'one size fits' all solution to quitting. I am 46, been with same woman for 25 years, and have been self employed for almost 30 years. My solutions to this problem are mine alone and are not really recommendations. You are young, and have much to figure out as far as the rest of your life goes. I have kids your age. If I were speaking to one of them I would tell them the worst problem from drug use when your young is that time flies by fast, and opportunities even faster. Marijuana effects productivity, makes you lethargic, unmotivated...everything you need to get done you'll do tomorrow, or next week....or never. If you have a professional career then its very hard to make the work environment and this type of use mesh. Marijuana unbundles thoughts - most professional careers want you to think clearly.

About 20 years ago I quit smoking during my mowing season. Until then I smoked year-aroung and was doing OK , but then my smoke buddy moved on to another job and I decided to just quit cold turkey and focus on the business. The result? With the SAME business, I made another $30,000 that year simply from being more efficient and not wasting time. This is what happens when you smoke AND try to work - you can do it , but your results will be diminished. At the beginning of a career - DONT do this!!

Sorry I went on so long...seems to happen to me a lot when I talk on this subject. I just see the public view of it as VERY different from what this drug actually is. I also see 'addiction' as very different from my own experiences. I hear people call themselves an addict, and say that they could not indulge in their DOC even a little , or they would go back to being a full blown addict. Well I have smoked, stopped, smoked and stopped dozens of times over the years. I can say that when I do smoke, I do end up smoking almost all day long towards the end - so I know that's when I need to quit...so I quit. You slipped at the party, have you gotten back to wanting to smoke again? Or do you just regret that it happened and want to get back to being clean and sober? How you answer that question determines the path to recovery you need to take.

If I were you I would quit for a prolonged time (a year at least) , and then give yourself the freedom to revisit the marijuana debate once you have the year under your belt. Smoking at a party, or on a vacation is not bad at all when not accompanied by everyday use. Especially when YOU know that you could quit and stick to should you really want to....and by the way, you only KNOW you can quit if you HAVE actually quit for extended periods of time. Dont tell yourself that you CAN quit , but just never do - that's an addict..

hope something here helps -




?






Posted: July 29, 2014, 10:34 PM
"A couple drinks with friends let to me smoking"
a drug is a drug is a drug...i know personally that i can't do anything in moderation that will alter my consciousness...be it booze pot cigs food and even some toxic folks..
i guess alcohol can be a gateway drug at times too....so i think you are going to have to shelve other substances and potables besides pot in your quest to get clean.
don't beat yourself up about relapsing...hey you got 9 days...the next time it might be two weeks....at least you are trying and that is the first step towards recovery :)
Vincent






Posted: August 4, 2014, 7:17 AM
Thanks for the support DOC and ?. That was some read. As crazy as it sounds i sometimes feel like the only one. Smoking the other day was a extremely big mistake. I was so upset with myself i smoked again to calm the stress.Some role model to myself right? This makes a total of two times in a month. I was on a such a great path. The problem was i had no plans that day. The thought played over and over again in my head and it turns out that i am my worst enemy. I let it get the best of me.Like i said i have a full time job in a corporate field, but currently in the process of venturing to a new field. The slip up on Saturday made me nervous to even go forward with job applications because of a possible drug test.I am not going to keep saying i am done. The only thing i can do is take it day by day. I have to change. DOC your story was very moving. It's a journey in itself and we are pretty much all in this together. I hope you are doing better.


Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013


Posted: August 5, 2014, 9:51 AM
vincent

Dont get down on yourself for following a pattern that many travel when attempting to put away a drug. Also, dont buy into the hype about pot that others will attempt to harden your resolve with. You cant lie to yourself, there are both good and bad properties to marijuana. The hard part is eliminating 'abuse' and 'use' of the drug and deciding if you can allow yourself to do this in moderation or not. For most people on this site the answer is a resounding NO. If you cant do something just a little - you should elimintate it altogether. This is the truth about drugs and about addictive personalities that you must come to terms with, If you cant limit or restrict your use - you probably should quit smoking anything at all. But not because pots bad - or evil - or the problem. The person using is the problem. A gallon of chocolate ice cream isnt a problem by itself....but if you are REALLY overweight, diabetic, and cant just eat a bowl - but compulsively devour the WHOLE gallon in one sitting? Then you would have a similiar problem that compares to how a lot of us use drugs...

The answer lies within you...support from others helps, but in the end you have to KNOW and ACCEPT why you need to quit. If you have been able to succeed in life despite being under the influence most of the time - then you can do just about anything you set your mind to. I took exams high back in the day- still maintained a B+ average. So if someone who flunked out of college tried to shame me with a bad drug argument? They wouldnt be that credible and I would probably just ignore them.

Were you able to quit with ease? Was it a daily struggle? Was it the 'event' that tripped you up, or had you already mentally conceeded failure at some point? All of these YOU must answer to know where you stand. If you are like me , quitting was no problem, staying away a week or more no problem, but in a social setting it becomes something I like to do. As long as I am clandestine about my usage - no problem. If people who dont approve are present - problem. They simply cant confront me - wouldnt matter if I was alone against dozens - I speak publicly and have good arguments, I can hold my own in a room. So they play the rumor/gossip/murmur game...all things which make me more LIKELY to continue using.

But remember this Vincent...The people who oppose me the MOST iin my family? The ones who take head meds. I can quit my drug of choice (DOC) anytime I want - they cant... I am not drug dependant - they are... and I can cope with life without needing to be permanently medicated - they dont even try. Their drugs good...my drug bad...their whole argument in a nutshell. Their frustration at trying to explain this is why they stick to talking behind my back - because THEY are conflicted.

Dont be conflicted - answer the how and why you need to quit for yourself. Then do what you think is best. In the long run, quitting every day usage for me was a must - but I freed my mind of the necessity and pressure to quit FOREVER - and it helped me. Hopefully something here helps you.
VIncent






Posted: August 5, 2014, 7:52 PM
DOC,

I appreciate the wise words. You are completely right about everything. I am personally doing this for myself and myself only. I have talked to a couple people regarding the issue. Some shrug it off and some actually listen. You from what i have read listen. It is good to talk to someone who has been through the same issues i am dealing with. Here is the short end of my story. I have been around marijuana since 8th grade. I am now 25 years old. I stopped for 7 months about a year ago and got back into it. Probably worse then before. I am doing this for myself. I have a full time high end job in a corporate environment, but want to seek new employment. No one is forcing me to leave nor telling me to stop smoking. I want to better my future the best i can. I know i am still young and some people don't have the worries i might have. I think long term. I always have been that way. If i want to seek new employment to better the family that i don't even have yet i will do everything in my power to do so. The problem is marijuana. I am petrified of being called in for an interview and doing a drug screen. Since my slip up it has been 2 days. Prior to that 4 weeks. I know i can do it, but i do get the urge. The urge comes from boredom. I know for the next time if i get an urge i have to just keep myself busy and i should be okay. Talking about my problem seems to really help my self esteem due to being really down on myself at the moment. I just revised my resume last week getting ready to start sourcing my options out. What do i do? I smoke.... some role model to myself. It's all a learning process i have to take one day at a time. Keep feeding me advice. It's helping. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day.


Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013


Posted: August 5, 2014, 11:57 PM
vincent

Thanks for making ME feel better by responding in such a kind way. My opinions are not always met with such appreciation...so again, thanks.

My oldest child is 26 years old, I give advice to you the same way I would to her. You are on the right path. I am always saying that there is no 'one size fits all' approach to quitting. Everyone is different. Different in the drug they like, how and when they use it, and how they eventually control their usage - usually by quitting it for good.

You mentioned you have a long-term outlook upon your life in terms of career, family, and your own mental well being. Being a non-stop pot smoker when your young can have an adverse affect on all these areas. You are demonstrating a wisdom beyond your years recognizing a need to get your life on tract sooner rather than later.

So stop getting down on yourself and saying you are a bad role. If anyone is a bad role model it is me , because I still allow myself the freedom to blow off steam by smoking when I feel I can do it without adversly affecting my life. But being a role model adds pressure...it makes a slip seem like you are letting others down...and this can shift your focus onto other peoples reasons - and not your own. You are making changes in your life for YOU....and that is why you will ultimately succeed - dont worry about having slips, and dont look upon yourself as a role model - it just adds unneeded pressure.

Keep in mind I am at a different stage in life when I offer my experiences with making a small peace with marijuana. I own my own business (no drug tests), have been with my wife for 25 years, and with 5 kids - I am done with adding to my family (at least I hope I'm done - my 7 year old came AFTER my wife had her tubes tied). I am in a position to go in different directions with my life should I want to, and oddly, this is why I still continue to smoke periodically.

I thought my life was only running my business. I made a good six figures, had a great name, and couldnt even advertise because I had more work than I could handle...but I was wrong. I ended up being a slave to the business I created. I worked 80-100 hours in the Spring, rarely saw my kids awake unless it was Sunday, and led the life of a typical workaholic dad who was paying all the bills....but not much else. So I decided to look into other endeavors.

I found myself in a comedy club for the first time in 20 years...I loved the atmosphere. On open mic nights some 14-15 amateur comedians would get up and expose inner feelings and demons - but in an uplifting and funny way. It wasnt long after that I got on stage. I went up after about 3 months of complete sobriety.....and I sucked. I was so distraught that I went and got something to smoke after the show....I was suppossed to go onstage the next night - and was not going to show up after bombing my first time up. But after I smoked something later that night. I gave it another try - and I went onstage high. I cant tell you why - but it went WAY better.

I guess what I am saying is that certain jobs permit different kinds of behavior. I have friends who are accountants, lawyers, cops, teachers....and none of those professions are compatable with smoking. But sitting on a mower? Getting up onstage and telling jokes? These are vocations that arent adversly affected by smoking - so I allow myself to smoke at times.

But just know...I will smoke whatever I have, as fast as I can, and I cant seem to put it down if I have it. I have to play games with my psche by eliminating the source of temptation in a final act like flushing it down the toilet or smoking everything I have left in one sitting. Once gone...I can keep from getting more. So how I approach my 'problem' is different from most. If I have it - I smoke it. If I dont - I can go several months , and could quit forever if I chose to.

I just havent came to the point in my life where I see this as a necessity. I can 'use'...but not 'abuse'. As for your life? I want to support you 100% in putting pot away for an extended time so that you can live your life clear headed and make good decisions that give you the best future you can have. If I were in your shoes - in the corporate world, I would attempt to do the same.

But in 20 years, if you have a good career, marriage, and feel the need to re-visit the 'good old days'....have at it!! But take care of business first...just like you are right now...it's better to put this drug away when young....because when high - you are content - and if you are content - you wont push yourself to do all these things with the necessary urgency. Pot makes you content to be where you are at...you want more, so put it away for now and focus on whats important....your FUTURE!

And continue to share your experiences. Writing your thoughts and feelings doesnt just help you - It helps others. And when you help others....you help yourself.

so keep at it :)
VIncent






Posted: August 7, 2014, 2:05 PM
I appreciate all the advice DOC. I will keep everything you said in mind and defiantly keep you updated. Having a kid after your wife had her tubes tide is a freaking miracle if you ask me! God bless. I never went to my parents in this matter just because i wouldn't know how to explain it to them. You helped me and i hope you know that. Doesn't matter if you think otherwise, but you defiantly put me in a different mind state. It's always good to talk to someone who's been there done that and also has years of experience with it. I will be back with updates soon


Posts: 2
Joined: August 11, 2014


Posted: August 11, 2014, 9:13 AM
Hey Vincent,

I feel you man. I've also turned into someone that I hate. Going back on a promise to yourself is crushing, because you're your own worst enemy.

Best of luck
Vincent






Posted: August 11, 2014, 5:10 PM
Exactly Buggers! It's one of the worst feelings ever. You are right that you are your own worst enemy. Today is day 8 of sobriety. I haven't got any urge at all. Last slip was a big wake up call and i am at the point that each day that passes i seem to have a natural high of overcoming the habit. It feels great and i feel great. Not sure of what your story is, but i hope you are doing okay. Feel free to talk.It's the least i can do.
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