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Posted: January 26, 2013, 8:20 PM
Hi there,
I've just joined this forum with the hope of perhaps gaining some useful advice and perhaps, in time, being able to help others. I have recently quit my life long hobby of smoking weed, I have gone a full week now without any. First allow me to explain a bit of background, just to understand exactly where I am at the moment. I'm 25 years old and the first time I smoked cannabis I was 11, it was a resin joint that I shared with my step brother of a similar age. It soon became a regular thing, by the age of 13 it was every weekend, by 14 I'd switched to skunk and by 16 I had moved out, got a full time job and was therefore able to fund a daily habit. I never really saw it as a problem in all honesty, it was my way of relaxing and destressing and was always under the impression that I was under no addiction and that I could quit anytime I wanted. The years continued, I became a father, I moved from one job to another and without actually noticing my hobby became more of a necessity. Then, when the relationship between myself and the mother of my children broke down (not weed related I should add) it became considerably worse to the point where I had to get weed no matter what, if I had to sell something like my phone or games console then so be it, it was worth it in my eyes. 18 months ago I met the love of my life and we have gone from strength to strength since, at first my habit did subdue a bit, I was smoking less because I had less free time and although I was completely open that I smoke it I didn't want her to know it was as serious as it was. She always said that she had no issue with me smoking it (although she doesn't smoke it herself) and that she would never try to change me, which I respect and am thankful for. However, more recently I have been slipping into old habits, spending £40-60 per week, getting high before and after work every day (although I wasn't really high, once you smoke enough it doesn't seem to affect you in the same way) and it has come to a point where it is affecting my relationship which in fairness was inevitable as I was putting my addiction before my family. I am now in a position where I know that if I do not stop slowly killing myself with this then I will lose the one person who I can count on. It's simply not an option, I have to change. Not just for her, but for my kids, her daughter and of course, myself! So one week ago today I decided that no matter what this has to end. I have been completely open with my partner, she knows I cant do this alone, I was expecting an emotional rollercoaster but to be honest, nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to experience. This last week I have had SEVERE cravings, to the point where I have actually planned how I can get some weed and then changed my mind, I have barely slept, laying awake sweating like mad, my appetite has been less than normal (although I am still eating, just less often) and I have had a constant head ache right behind my right eye. I am still cracking on with my work, if anything it helps, but what truly worries me is how I'm going to change... You see, when I was a young kid I was rather angry, got into fights and trouble, quite often it was myself that was the cause. Weed subdued that side of me, unlike a lot of people I have seen post on here I feel weed actually made me a better person, more agreeable, less volatile etc. I'm scared that I am going to turn into someone who cant control their anger or frustration as my only vent I have ever used is smoking weed! But, the kids are quickly growing up, I need to be able to tell them that drugs are bad and I refuse to be a hypocrite.. They should not go down this path because it leads to nothing but destruction, plus it is down right expensive. I think about the thousands of pounds I have wasted on it over the years and how that money could have been better spent. But the problem I am having is fighting the temptation to just get a smoke and forget about it. Honestly it is agony! I have read different advice on here and before I ask for any I am going to point out why a couple of pieces of advice wont work for me. Firstly, I noticed a lot of people saying you should cut all your weed smoking friends from your life. I chose my friends for who they are (and in fairness, I dont have many as I am quite selective) I refuse to cut my friends from my life because of a choice they make that I also made for 14 years, they are good people and are fully supportive of my quitting, I have never been a victim of peer pressure, I take full responsibility for my own actions. Other people have said that you must embrace God, although I am fully respectful of people's beliefs I honestly have no reason to believe in a deity of any kind and never have done. Again, this is my responsibility, not an act of a God. Any other advice however would be greatly appreciated. I do plan to attend a NA meeting on Tuesday in my local area and see what that brings (it will be a first for me). But any advice, opinions or just general thoughts on the situation are more than welcome. I have basically shortened my life into one short essay so I have obviously left out a considerable amount but if I have missed anything vital please ask, I am trying to be an open book about this with my family, my friends and my fellow forum visitors. Anyway, any response is welcome so long as it is constructive and if you have read this I thank you from the bottom of my heart just for taking the time, whether or not you have anything to say on the matter. I will post periodically to inform of my progress, etc. Kind regards, Liam/Oblivion :-) | ||
Posts: 7
Joined: January 7, 2013
Posted: January 29, 2013, 9:14 PM
Wow I can totally relate to the whole scary anger thing! Weed keeps that strong sedation going, I know it is wrong, but sometimes I question why I should switch to a prescription drug?! One of those denial arguments :) Reading you story was very inspiring, Thank you!! I know how hard it is to quit, I have many times :/ You really sound like you have your priorities for quitting established, it is just that first period of adjustment you are in. I feel you have to start doing something really fun, some kind of physical fun. That will help your brain create those good endorphines we all enjoy! Be STRONG!!
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Posted: February 2, 2013, 6:45 PM
Thank you for the response, greatly appreciated.. Yes my reasons for quitting are obvious and they stare me in the face on a daily basis, but now that I'm 2 weeks in, things just seem to be getting worse! The best comparison I can think of is Jekyll and Hyde.. A huge part of me is determined to do this no matter what, but my stoner/lazy/dont give a flying f*** side is extremely over powering and shows no signs of relenting. In the past 14 days the best night sleep I have had is 5 hours, on 2 nights I simply haven't slept and most nights that I have been to sleep, I wake up sweating and feeling quite ill.
I attended my first NA meeting which was an eye opener to say the least, although I cant post anything discussed in the meeting as that strictly stays between the people there, I realize that people out there have overcome much more severe withdrawals than this and I respect them totally for their honesty and desire to help others. For anyone serious about quitting, like myself, I would truly recommend at least trying it, they're dotted all around just google it in your local area. My aggressive side has really began to surface now too, as I feared. I don't like it, but there it is. I'm more argumentative and much less tolerant and patient. Perhaps this will pass, perhaps not. But at this point it is a major worry for me. So when you say you have quit many times, what is your status on that at the moment. Can you tell me any techniques you have tried that do or don't work? I like the idea of a physical hobby, I have been exercising daily which helps a bit, but could hardly be considered fun. Think I may take up boxing because that could help with aggression also, but that will have to wait until payday at the end of Feb. At this point in time I would give my left nut for a spliff, but I know that if I cave now then this last 2 weeks would have been completely in vain. So I am trying my best to stay as strong as I can, but with my partner working nights at the moment, sitting at home by myself makes the temptation almost unbearable. I would go to the doctors about sleeping pills perhaps, but then, what is the point of replacing one drug with another? If I'm going to do that I may as well go score a bag of smack and go the whole hog. (Of course I don't mean that, I'm just trying to make a point). So I see what you mean about the prescription drugs. Sorry for the delayed response but I hope to hear back your thoughts.. And anybody else's for that matter. Many thanks, Liam/Oblivion | ||
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Posted: February 2, 2013, 9:47 PM
Hi I understand how hard it is to quit and stay quit but it does get easier each day. I find yoga is a big help and I am creative so I spend time writing or drawing or reading. I feel better about myself for quitting after smoking weed for over 20 years. It is hard when my husband is home as he still smokes and doesn't wish to quit. Keep trying and you'll suceed if you really want it bad enough.
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Posts: 10
Joined: February 3, 2013
Posted: December 11, 2013, 5:19 PM
Hello I haven't been on this site for awhile. I hope that you have gotten through the hard part and came out clean. I have had a battle again and fell back into smoking. My kids went away in the summer and I gave in and started smoking with my husband again who has no intention of quittin unless it's just temporary for work tests. I found once I started again it was hard to quit. I spent months with the inner battle inside me telling me to quit again. Once I saw how much better I was without weed I din't want to be that person again. I finally gave it up and was off it for almost two months and I had a relapse again. I felt guilty because I want to stay sober and be an example to my girls. I tried herder and now I haven't had any for a whole month. I would like to be able to keep going and say no I haven't smoked for a year or more. It's hard when my husband smokes and friends smoke especially with Christmas coming. I wish you all the best. And I am one of those people who have turned to God for help. Just having some sober friends help.
Thank you for listening Will Power | ||
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