Husband's Other Addictions Plus Using Meth
Posted: July 12, 2011, 4:32 PM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



I have been living a rollercoaster nightmare for the past 6 months. My husband who admitted to using drugs for the past 20 + years and now takes it back is in denial I don't know what to do.

Let me give you all little backround of what I am asking answers to. My husband is 40 years old has Diabetes and High Blood Pressure. He was self employed but lost his business and now is unemployed. We have been married for 12 yrs and have an 11 yr old child. I work fulltime and am basically the bread winner due to him not working.

My questions are to anyone that can answer them are:
*Why does he have a severe addiction to porn, masturbation and any other type of sexual pleasure?
*Why not come to me why go seek it somewhere else?
*Why so much lies?
*Why is it so hard for me to let go, why can't I give him tough love?
*Is everything he says true...does he really love me and does he really want US to stay together?

He no longer lives with me and our daughter. I couldn't handle the stress, anxiety and fear that one day children services would come and take our daughter away. He lives out of state with relatives and still using and seems his sexual needs are getting worse and he has now started going on dating sites to hook up with women, even though he and I are still married. Does he not understand or does he not care that this is hurting me?

I would appreciate any replies to a better understanding of the life my husband goes through day after day as meth addict. I'm going crazy trying to make sense of his behaviors. Should I just accept that I need to let go and live my life?

Thank you,
AM

This post has been edited by Hurting Wife on July 12, 2011, 5:32 PM
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Posted: July 12, 2011, 7:41 PM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



Only you can decide whether to remain married or not, but there are a few questions that we can help with...

He probably does love you and want to be with you and your daughter, but such is the nature of addiction, the lure of the drug or the activity is so powerful that he can't stand up to it (at least not now, maybe never).

Why porn and masturbation instead of a loving, healthy with you, his wife? Because it's not about him not loving you, or not finding you attractive, or you not being enough for him...he is a bottomless pit of need that you cannot fill, maybe nothing can fill, and he just keeps dumping all kinds of junk into that hole trying in vain to plug it up...ain't gonna happen the way he's trying. Perhaps he is unable to perform, high BP and prolonged drug use can do that to a man. It's a spiritual malady and requires a healing of the spirit, but he's not there yet.

The admission and subsequent denial : believe the admission, the denial is an a**-covering mission and attempt to 'protect' his sickness from outside influence that might kill it...the addiction is in full control and is working to protect itself (not him).

His family is enabling him, probably out of fear, and maybe because they don't yet know the true extent of his problems...he has become an adept liar and manipulator, no doubt. Sadly, meth often causes psychosis and he is unwell. Hopefully Just1More will be along to offer you some insight about the nature of this particular addiction.

You are doing what you need to do to care for yourself and your daughter, which is the very best thing you can do right now, and maybe an AlAnon meeting would be helpful to you. Don't take his sickness personally, it's not about you and never has been...I know that's hard, but it's true. As the mother of a recovering heroin addict I took it personally for way too long, like it was all my fault...bad parent...if only...I should have...those words ate away at me until the day she told me it was never about me, always was about her and how she felt inside.

Keep coming back...and check out the Family board, lots of experience, strength, and hope there. Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.

Peace ~ MomNMore

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

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Posted: July 12, 2011, 10:06 PM


Posts: 10092
Joined: October 27, 2004



You will drive yourself crazy trying to answer his question, trying to find his why’s…

Although you did ask an important question in it all, why can’t you let go…have you found time to ponder that one and obsess over it like I am sure you are about all the one pertaining to his behavior, his addiction.…

Addiction is addiction, it doesn’t change from a drug to food to sex…it is impulsive, compulsion, must have now, and at times it is a something, anything, to fill whatever needs to be filled within the person and it will remain so until bottom is hit and or treatment is sought out or until one dies (sorry but truth is truth) and finally is free.

Sadly you are like living proof as to why removing the addict in one life doesn’t fix anything…

So he is removed physically, but mentally this is torturing you, or more so you are torturing yourself. Understand it isn’t personal, it is his disease, he needs help, he is not ready for help which you couldn’t help him anyway…and yes he is capable of helping himself…Just as you are capable of helping yourself…which would lead me to ask when might you do just that…

What can you do in this moment to help you?
Are you done yet, kinda like how you would like him to be done, and ready to work on you…find your recovery?
Have you accepted that he is an addict and there is nothing you can do to change that?

Acceptance goes a real long way…

I am so sorry this is your life, but it can be better and only you will control that…
And please if you haven’t been tested do so for your health and safety.



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Well it sucks, now doesn't it? When you make your own bed and then have to lie in the filth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a glitch due to system overload. Please stand by to find out what future you will design.
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Posted: July 13, 2011, 9:18 AM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



So glad you added that last bit, misteyes, I meant to put that in my post and it was nagging at me what I had neglected to say...important advice. Hope she comes back.
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Posted: July 14, 2011, 11:58 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



MomNMore & mistyeyes - Thank you both for your wonderful comments. I guess because I see his addictions as an illness I feel the need to help him get help. But both of you are so right I can only help myself.

I have read JustoneMore's comments on other posts and I hope he will post soon on mine. I would like to ask him so many questions that I feel will help me more forward with my life.

I spoke to my husband yesterday and well he said that I was a bad wife to him and that is why he started with the porn and his other sexual adventures. He did not deny that he is still doing drugs but did say that I knew all along that he was using and that the drugs are not what is causing him to be depressed, no energy and no interest... it's his diabetes.

My daughter and I are seeing a therapist twice a week and he has met my husband and told me that he gives my husband 5 years before he's dead if he does not stop his drug use. Is this possible?

I am so confused to what to beleive or think when I speak to him that I usually start crying of frustration.

I'm so glad I found this site and hope you all can help me through this rollercoaster nightmare I am living.

Thanks!!!!!
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Posted: July 14, 2011, 1:18 PM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



QUOTE
...he said that I was a bad wife to him and that is why he started with the porn and his other sexual adventures...the drugs are not what is causing him to be depressed, no energy and no interest... it's his diabetes.


Ah, the old deflection and blame-the-victim ploy...typical when as addict doesn't want to accept responsibility for his/her actions...stick it on someone else. Don't you believe it. (My daughter tried to blame us when she lost her job...it was our fault for "making" her go to detox and miss work, not her fault for shooting heroin in the bathroom at work and a co-worker finding out.) You already know what kind of a wife you've been and should form your own judgements about that, but even if we assume you were a terrible wife, that is not license to go out and use and abuse anything, not drugs, not porn, nor to cheat on your wife...if you were so awful why didn't he just leave and make it easy on both of you?

And of course it's the diabetes, why didn't I think of that...lol...again, evading responsibility and making excuses to keep using.

QUOTE
He did not deny that he is still doing drugs but did say that I knew all along that he was using...


Now this is another matter...is he right? How could you NOT know after all this time? Did you turn a blind eye or can you honestly say you did not know? If you really didn't then you might want to ask yourself how his behavior escaped your notice because it is my experience that it shows all over them when they are using, just as it shows when they are not.

J1M will be around sooner or later...he always shows eventually, but I'm glad you thought to check his other posts...most of what he'll tell you is there already.

Peace ~ MomNMore




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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

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Posted: July 14, 2011, 6:25 PM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



Hello HW, I don't know how much I can add to what's already been said. MomNMore and Mistyeyes pretty much nailed it. I'll try and get your questions;


My questions are to anyone that can answer them are:
*Why does he have a severe addiction to porn, masturbation and any other type of sexual pleasure?


Meth uses pretty much the same pathways as sexual pleasure ( the pleasure and reward pathways ) A study into meth showed that the neuro/chemical activity in the brain during meth use is pretty much the same as with mind blowing sexual activity,....or that head in the clouds in love feeling one might have,........however the neurochemical levels are much more elevated with meth,......thousands of times higher. An overly simplified answer, but it cuts to the chase,......when they speak of a man thinking with his "other" head,....meth supercharges the thoughts of the "little" head.......



*Why not come to me why go seek it somewhere else?

Hard for anyone else but him to say,....my guess would be his meth use is as much a part of his sex as the sex itself is,...PnP, Party and Play,...getting wired and freaky kinky with a fellow user. Possibly with another man maybe? Meth is extremely prevelant in the gay community,...I've known several guys who were basically straight in sexual orientation,...but to get high on meth , hooked up with other men. Or it could be as simple as my answer to the next question.

*Why so much lies?

Most likely 'cause he knows what he's doing is wrong. Most men will go to extremes to avoid admitting anything has a power over them.



*Why is it so hard for me to let go, why can't I give him tough love?

If it was easy, would you be a good wife? I think part of any relationship,...a healthy loving relationship, is to want to make it all better for those we love. Only he can get himself free of addiction,....tough love means you have to do what you have to do,....even if that means ending the relationship,......it is messed up, but you are not responsible for his using,...you did not force it on him, you didnt break his arm or leg making him use. Regardless of what he says,....and he will try blaming you,....it is not your fault,....you have a life, and your childs life to worry about,......you got to do what ya got to do,....that'll leave him with two choices,.....live in denial and blame,....or man up and do what he has to to keep you both in his life.......either way,....at 11 years old,....you can't or shouldn't waste time in his addiction



*Is everything he says true...does he really love me and does he really want US to stay together?

Wish I could answer that one,.....I'll just say that if he means it,....then he'll man up and deal with his issues.

I hope that helps a little. be strong, it is NOT your fault.

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It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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Posted: July 14, 2011, 9:15 PM


Posts: 10092
Joined: October 27, 2004



Can you keep it simple in terms of him...
He is an addict, who participates in random sex and has a thing for porn...
So now looking at those things is this acceptable?
Now remove the using/addiction, is this acceptable?

Just because he is an addict...well he doesn't need his behavior to be set as an excuse because of the addiction, but the behavior has to be looked at as just part of the whole problem, not separate or a result of.

Now with what I asked only you can decide the answer....but it is best to keep it simple as much as possible. Live in the now, and see him as he is, not what he use to be like...

I do understand how hard it is to understand the obsession when you see the terrible destruction the behavior causes but there is really no way to know what is in his head, how he thinks and the why's behind his lies, his cheating...

And mandm is correct you know what kind of wife you were, and if you weren't what he wanted, or as available that is not license to cheat...nothing is, and nothing will be. You man up, you express your feelings and talk and listen or you divorce...Although I don't think the cheating is about you, it is just that you make an easy excuse in his head to make it ok to do so....But you aren't an excuse so don't be one, don't take blame...

Take good care of you and your daughter...







--------------------
Well it sucks, now doesn't it? When you make your own bed and then have to lie in the filth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a glitch due to system overload. Please stand by to find out what future you will design.
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Posted: July 15, 2011, 9:00 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



mistyeyes - Thank you! Cheating is cheating and I do need to move on and live in the now and keep moving forward as hard at it will be.

justonemore - Wow your words hit hard that I had to step back and think really hard if I would be able to live with a man that I knew/know now cheated on me.... not only with other women... it be porn video chatting or physical contact but possibly with men too. Thank you for telling it like it is because now I am getting a clear picture of what my life will be like if I decide to take him back. I would like to e-mail you my 5 months of hell story..there are so many questions that I would love to ask you. I think by you answering them it will help me greatly to move forward and possibly wake up and get off this rollercoaster of a nightmare. Here's my e-mail address h20girl67@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you all for your comments they are helping me to sort out the confusion I have within myself.



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Posted: July 15, 2011, 12:44 PM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



To be fair, I'm not saying that what I wrote IS what he is up to. I just write what my instinct tells me to based on personal experiences and what I've picked up from other addicts, both active and in recovery.

Just after replying to you yesterday I came across a post at another site made by a woman. On meth she has an insatiable need for sex that has her doing things she's ashamed of and disgusted by her own behaviour. That type of behaviour may not happen with every meth addict,....but it is a topic that is frequently brought up.

That being said, I wholeheartedly agree with everything M&M and mistyeyes has said to you. From everything you've written so far it appears you are aware of the hard choices you have to make,.....but you also wrote about taking him back. This is something that is entirely in his hands,....it's his choice to use, his to lie, his to cheat,....he is the one putting the use of a drug and all it brings with it into his life,.....and unfortunately,....yours and your child. Back in the day, contracting a VD was no biggie,....for teenage boys it was like a badge of honor,....it proved you weren't just talking about getting with women. Nowadays, there are diseases that ruin your life if not kill you. Safe sex is the last thing most meth addicts are going to think of. Another recovered meth addict I know replied to that woman I mentioned. This person said how she kept her sexual kinks to herself and her boyfriend,...and thankfully so because almost every meth addict she knew that had indiscriminate sex has since died of AIDS. Something to think hard about if he is out messin around.

Also to be fair,...I feel that internet porn, and "cyber sex" affairs are more prevelant or on equal amounts with actual affairs. Bottom line, whatever he's up to is leaving you neglected and confused. If all this wasn't your life, but that of a close friend. What would you tell your friend?? to put up with it? to keep hanging on to what was while trying to fix him??

A lot of time, effort and money goes into a meth addiction. He needs to switch all that from meth to his family, except only he can make that switch. As hard as it will be, you need to set up FIRM boundaries of what you will and won't accept. That is the ONLY control you have, so use it as strongly as you can.

PS,.....that email addy came back undeliverable

This post has been edited by justonemore on July 15, 2011, 3:19 PM

--------------------
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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Posted: July 17, 2011, 11:53 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



justonemore - the email is h2ogirl67@yahoo.com I typed a zero instead of a small case o.

As I read the comments to my post and the others I have read it has helped me to realize that I did make the right choice in separating from my husband. Not only was it a unsafe enviroment for my daughter but also for my husband too.

My daughter I thought was to young to understand, she's 11 yrs old and she knew exactly what was going on. When we started seeing a therapist in March of this year I went first to see if I could save my marriage. Well them the second session I brought my daughter along and when asked why we were there she said "because daddy does drugs". I was surprised but she had witnessed more than I thought she knew. Luckly she knew nothing about the porn and why he stayed up all night and she would wake up the next morning and daddy was still in the garage "doing paperwork".

She did find the empty baggies and straws in his car when he would pick her up from school but his excuse was "they're not mine" or "it's just crushed aspirin".

My final point came when I came home from work one friday and we were all going to go out for dinner. Well I got home told my husband to get ready and he said "I have no money to pay for dinner". I knew my daughter really wanted to go she even invited a friend to come, so i said I will pay and we left to go have dinner. We had a good time but when I got home my daughter wanted to tell me something. She told me that daddy before I got home had a friend come over and they both went into the garage and she saw daddy without them seeing her give his friend money and then he left. She was crushed....now she knew why her daddy never had money but she was upset and confused why he would spend his money on drugs when he would always tell her "his money is her money".

I'm so glad that I found our therapist because he has been an eye opener in so many ways. You know when you need help and you ask for it, you get it. We see our therapist at our church and he's a former police officer with 17 years experience and in those years worked many times in the jails working with...now this was weird or luck....with meth addicts. When he met my husband he knew right away he was on something but did not confront him because he wanted him to come back but after a couple of sessions he could not and on the third session he said "you have to be honest with your wife and tell her what you are on or I will". Boy I should did not expect to here what I did but most of it I kinda knew but was not sure but the rest was a jaw dropper.

Thanks you all for hearing me out as I live day by day I am starting to get stronger. I know it won't be a quick fix as it's only been 6 weeks since he left and the calls, pleads and accusations are the same.

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Posted: July 18, 2011, 11:38 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



Good Morning,

Today I wish for it to be a positive day. I have this funny feeling in my stomach.....it's been a few days since I have spoken to my husband and the last time we spoke he seemed irritated that he cannot do anything because he lives with his parents and has no money.

I spoke to my mother-in-law and she said that he is very depressed and is starting to act out. Which means he and his father are arguing. I know his money flow is almost gone so unless his parents are giving money or he selling his stuff I don't see where he will be getting the money to buy his meth.

He has not called our daughter so she's worried too. I just hope that maybe his rock bottom is coming and that he does not jump ship and head back my way.

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Posted: July 18, 2011, 2:55 PM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



Bottom line it is his own fault for not having any money,....and there is no good reason he couldnt call his daughter. At best it would be because he does not feel good enough about himself to talk to her.

He could be close to his bottom,....or like a lot of us industrious meth addicts,...we whip out a handy dandy shovel and proceed to dig our bottom even deeper.

I still see in your words you are holding onto hope he'll come back to you. Even if he quit and came back,....being the same man you married is questionable not to mention all the marriage and trust issues you two will have to overcome.

I think I pretty much covered most of that area in my email to you.

--------------------
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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Posted: July 19, 2011, 5:29 PM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



Wow I thought with my husband not working and living with his parents that his drug use will be less. But I just spoke to him and he is teaching his aunt to drive and guess what she paying him for the lessons. So I know now how he is getting his money to buy his drug. He's smarter than I thought and he is a jack of all trades. I just hope he does not get into any kinky crap to get his money...that would be to much for me and I would probably try to get full custody to protect my daughter from her daddy.

I have a question for you all. I think I might have asked justonemore this question but then again I have asked him so many that I can't remember unless I go back to the emails to see if I did or didn't. I know I must move forward with my life and I'm not saying I will take him back...but...Will he come looking for us? I ask because my family & therapist say he will but I just don't feel he will. He seems content with his new life, yes he's depressed but he seems to be ok with all that is happening.

Thank you all that respond and justonemore I truely want to say THANK YOU for helping me get through this difficult time. You have a way in explaining things that make sense there's no in between with you.

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Posted: July 19, 2011, 9:05 PM


Posts: 2309
Joined: February 19, 2010



werent you ever a littel worried that a preteen girl (daughter) was in the house alone with him? incest, molestation, witnessing drug buys, porn...wow sounds dangerous for your daughter and before you answer he would never do such a thing, think about what he is doing, then answer
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Posted: July 20, 2011, 8:41 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



That's why my daughter and I no longer live with him.

He's in one state and us in another. It took me 5 months from the day I discovered that his problem was not from drinking but from drugs to try and see if things could work out but the anxiety that I felt was too much not to mention the lies, cheating, maturbation and who knows what else.

I know now this has been going on alot longer but.....it doesn't matter anymore as I can't live like this for the rest of my life worring about him and thinking "what if.

My daughter is ready to move forward and so should I. As long as she is happy that's all that matters.

One day...soon I hope will be able to say I no longer am co-dependent.

Thank you all and I appreciate all comment as that's what kicks me back into reality as sometimes I start second guessing myself. Thanks again.
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Posted: July 20, 2011, 8:46 AM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



momg - oh you know it.....as her mother I always had that in the back of my head but that is also why her and I started going to a therapist. I knew if I asked she would say no but if the therapist asked then she would say the truth....thanks GOD she was not.

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Posted: August 25, 2011, 4:56 PM


Posts: 32
Joined: July 12, 2011



Wow....time sure has flown by. I just noticed that it has been a month since I last posted. Wanted to update you all on what has happened.

MY daughter and I are still attending out bi-weekly therapy sessions and I have started to attend weekly Nar-Anon meetings. I want to attend at least a few open NA meeting but have not yet gotten the courage to attend. I'm afraid that I might run into a few of my husbands friends as I have heard some of them are trying to get clean. Don't know what I would do if I ran into one of the females he has sexual encounters with. I might say something and ruin her recovery progress. So for now I think I should stay put.

He is still living with his parents in another state and well he still has no job but said he would find one if I write up his resume. I tell him that he has the whole day to write one up all he needs to do is stop with the masturbation for awhile or maybe he can get one of his so called porn firends to write one up for him. So no change still blamimg his health as the cause of his depression, no energy and aching body.

Now his friends and family are emailing me asking what's going on. I tell them hear is his cell number call him and ask him as you all known him much longer than i have. One of his close friends I did talk to because he's a really nice guy and my husband lied to him more times than I can remember and he considered this guy his brother. As the conversation went along he asked me if I knew what drug my husband was on and said yes...Meth. But then he asked if I knew when this started and I asked him you tell me. Well he said that when they were 19 my husband's girlfriend at the time introduced him to cocaine and since then he's been using but just a few years ago he switched to meth. I asked why he didn't say anything and he said because my husband would tell him "she knows and is ok with it". But he knows different and eats him up that he believed in his words and should of at least tried once to ask me if I knew.

At least now I know now that on that one day that he and I were sitting infront of our therapist he was actually telling the truth. So now I have to also believe the other things he mentioned were also true.

I need to work on myself and let things go as I will be no help to my daughter. She has started middle school and I really need to guide her into the right path because before I know it she'll be a teenage.

Thanks everyone :)
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Posted: August 25, 2011, 11:07 PM


Posts: 8548
Joined: April 24, 2007



You sound really good...keep doing whatever you're doing for you and your daughter.
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Myfamilydeservesbetter
Posted: September 10, 2011, 3:45 AM







SHERIFF ASHE SHARES POEM ABOUT CRYSTAL METHANPHETAMINE

 

This is a poem passed on to me by a relative of the 21 year old female who lost her life while addicted to crystal meth. This is a true happening.  A 21 year old female was addicted to crystal meth, overdosed, and lost her life.

 

After her death, they were cleaning out her apartment and in her top dresser drawer, found a poem she had written.

 

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Crystal Meth.

I destroy homes – I tear families apart.

I take your children and that’s just a start.

I’m more valued than diamonds, more precious than gold.

The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember, I’m easily found.

I live all around you, in school and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor.

I live just down the street and maybe next door.

I’m made in a lab, but not one like you think.

I can be made under the kitchen sink,

In your child’s closet, and even out in the woods.

If this scares you to death, then it certainly should.

I have many names. But there’s one you’ll know best.

I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is Crystal Meth.

My power is awesome, try me, you’ll see.

But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go.

But if you try me twice, then I’ll own your soul.

When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie.

You’ll do what you have to do, just to get high.

The crimes you commit for my narcotic charms,

Will be worth the pleasures you feel in my arms.

You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad.

When you see their tears, you must feel sad.

Just forget your morals and how you were raised.

I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.

I take kids from their parents; I take parents from their kids.

I turn people from God, I separate friends.

I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride.

I’ll be with you always, right by your side.

You’ll give up everything, your family, your home.

Your money, your true friend, then you’ll be alone.

I’ll take and take till you have no more to give.

When I finish with you, you’ll be lucky to live.

If you try me, be warned, this is not a game.

If I’m given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.

I’ll ravage your body; I’ll control your mind.

I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I’ll give you when you’re lying in bed,

And the voices you’ll hear from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, and the visions from me.

I want you to know these things are gifts from me.

But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart

That you are now mine and we shall not part.

You’ll regret that you tried me (they always do).

But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen.

Many times you’ve been told.

But you challenged my power,

You chose to be bold.

You could have said no and then walked away.

If you could live that day over now, what would you say?

My power is awesome, as I told you before.

I can take your life and make it so dim and sore.

I’ll be your master and you’ll be my slave.

I’ll even go with you when you go to your grave.

Now that you’ve met me, what will you do?

Will you try me or not?  It’s all up to you.

I can show you more misery than words can tell.

Come take my hand, let me lead you to H---.

 

Written by

Alicia VanDavis

 
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