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Newly Clean And Wanting To Relapsewe


Posts: 15
Joined: October 27, 2015


Posted: October 27, 2015, 10:35 PM
Well where do I begin? I am a 21 year old female who is cross addicted. I am 41 days clean today, but in no way decided to get clean on my own. I have been in trouble with the law for about 9 years going on 10. And about a year and a half ago, I got into trouble so they threw me in jail. My first time withdrawaling from opiates (morphine&heroine) I had been using morphine for 5 years and had recently started injecting not long after I started. Worse thing I've ever had to do. I managed to get out two weeks later, feeling better than ever. Relapsed after 1 week of getting out. Mostly due to same people, places and things. They threw me in a rehab center and I took off after 3 weeks of being there. Ran from the facility and the law for that year and a half. Things caught up to me and now I am once again in trouble and have no choice but to stay clean or its back to jail for me. I want to stay clean cause I see the perks of a clean, sober life. But recovery is so lonely. I've had to eliminate all my "old friends" and start fresh it doesn't help that I have social anxiety and manic depression. I feel as though my family and boyfriend don't understand and am too shy to ask those at NA\AA for help when I'm struggling sooo bad! I don't know what to do. Drugs are all I've ever known and my life is no where near where I want it to be. I just feel like running again. I don't want to have to deal with these emotions I just want to numb the pain! Please share some of your stories and words of wisdom. I need some encouragement to keep me moving forward.

This post has been edited by SoberSally1994 on October 27, 2015, 11:33 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015


Posted: October 28, 2015, 12:31 AM
Hi, that's great being clean for 41 days. But you can't relapse or its all been for nothing. You are 41 days into the beginning of a new life. You will meet new friends again. This thing they call " Life" lasts a long time! So you might as well make yourself clean and comfortable while your going through it. If you don't then for sure it's going to be hard. You've only been in it for 21 yrs. Probably seems long just now for you with all you've been through in your young years. When you look back at your life now say when your 35 or 40. You will be glad you didn't' relapse because you'll probably be in a nice house with your own family. If you did relapse at this important moment in your life then when your 35 or older you will be in a worse state than you were 41 days ago. You have done really great here! This is it for you! Tomorrow will be 42 days clean. You should go to an AA/NA meeting though and don't be afraid or embarrassed. Everyone there started off like you and were afraid just like you. You will meet people there who know what your going through, have been there and can help you learn how to be clean like them. So your 41 days staying clean will be worth it all in the end. Stay Strong willpower got you to here and it will get you to a good new life. Bless you! M.


Posts: 15
Joined: October 27, 2015


Posted: October 28, 2015, 2:53 PM
Thank you so much for replying so quickly to my post, I really appreciate your input. And I know but when I want to use, I don't think about the future. I think about the here and now and I figure, if I relapse I can just always get clean again like I have before and am doing now. But I realized I have to much too lose. My family told me if I go back this time they are done with me and I'm not willing to give them up due to my mental disease. I figure if others can do it, then why can't I? Just need to want to do it for myself also or I'll never stay clean which is hard cause I really don't want to. Oh well ill take it day by day and people say the first three months are the worst so I'll give it until then AT LEAST, before I consider relapsing. Once again thank you so much!


Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011


Posted: October 28, 2015, 3:24 PM

Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous helped me get and stay clean/sober since 1989.

Willpower (self-will power) got us here and if you are an addict/alcoholic like me and millions of others IT WILL NOT GET YOU CLEAN/SOBER.

Please read AA's HOW IT WORKS http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
I am POWERLESS but admitting that is my greatest strength.


If you think you can walk away from your addiction (physical/mental/emotional/spiritual) condition then I wish you the best.

If you want the help that AA/NA offers (free) then welcome to recovery.

All the best.

Bob R

This post has been edited by Papa Bear on October 28, 2015, 3:25 PM



--------------------
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf


AA's HOW IT WORKS:
Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf


NA's HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf


----------------------------------------------------------------

--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.


---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.


---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .


"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr


WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015


Posted: October 29, 2015, 12:04 AM
Hi Sally, How are you doing? Your on day 42 now. I know you just want to think of the now and not the future but for some reason you already have a future and congratulations because your 42 days into it. I would be so proud of you if I was your mom, I would be happy too because my daughter was heading in the right direction in her life and I could finally see her happy. You've got to stick with it Sally, you have good things that are going to happen for you. Everyday you add onto your future is a day closer to a better life! So stick with it! Look tomorrow is going to be 43 days you'll be clean. You should be proud of yourself! Why don't you go find an AA or an NA meeting. It will help you to have someone who has gone through what you are going through and understands. There is a section on here called " success stories" . You should go on and read some of the posts on there too and hopefully they will give you strength to continue being clean. Have you been clean this long before at anytime? This is a good website you have found Sally because we all care about each other on here and try to help and encourage. We all hurt one way or another. Be good to yourself for a change and care about you and stay clean Sally. You seem a nice girl that deserves it. Tomorrow is a new day and with each new day you get closer to the day you can stop counting too. Wouldn't that be great? Your in my prayers Sally. Goodnight for now. M.

This post has been edited by Mandm on October 29, 2015, 12:05 AM


Posts: 20
Joined: June 17, 2015


Posted: October 29, 2015, 11:25 AM
Hello!

First off, I want to congratulate you on day 42! Doesn't it feel great to have accomplished 42 days of being sober? I know this is hard, trust me, I KNOW, but I have been using some tools to help me that may help you. Writing everything down helps tremendously, no matter if it's 2 sentences or 2 pages, write it down! This will help you get the thoughts out of your head, and it will give you something to review in the future. This is your path, and you should be proud of it!
Also, working out helps ALOT. When you work out, you release natural endorphin's, which are the same thing you get from the drugs. Although, you will be working for these feel good moments, which is an accomplishment. You did something to make yourself feel great that WASN"T drugs. I work out every morning and night, and I can immediately see the difference in my mood.

I know right now is hard, but, over time, things will get easier for you, I promise. Have you ever looked at someone on the street, who is in their late 40's, and looks completely strung out? Now put yourself in their shoes. How did that feel? Didn't like it? You can prevent that, and that prevention starts with today!

Please feel free to write me back, as I am also in this process and much further behind than you are, so your insights would be great to inquire on, as well!


Posts: 15
Joined: October 27, 2015


Posted: November 9, 2015, 6:30 PM
Mandm, thank you so much! Your reply really did get through to me and even though I live in a house where my drug of choice is right in my face and feel as if I'm living inside of a pharmacy, I am proud to say that I have not relapsed on any substances!!! Really been struggling with alcohol i know that that too is a drug!!! But I'm getting through every day without drugs and I never thought that was possible for me! So thank you again. Dot904 thank you too for replying i appreciate all of your suggestions. I really enjoy writing and it really does help! As for the exercise... I don't like it too much haha. How many days are you clean if you don't mind me asking and if you want to tell me a little bit about your story I'd love to give you some insight. Or just to vent we can do that too. :) just keep your head up even one day clean is an amazing accomplishment! So congrats to taking that first HUGE step to an awesome life!!!
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