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Posts: 6
Joined: June 2, 2015
Posted: June 2, 2015, 10:58 PM
Hello all. My name is Anna. I am addicted to hydrocodone and have been for 2 to 3 years. I love it and hate it at the same time. I know I ABSOLUTELY HAVE to stop but I have experienced the withdrawals and just the thought of it puts the fear of God in me. That's where I'm at now, let me tell you how I got here.
I had used hydros here and there trecreationally for about a year. Then I got into a bad car accident a fee years back. My seat belt malfunctioned and my head almost went through the windshield causing my back to crunch up. I started on 5mgs 2x daily. That didn't ease my pain enough throughout the day so my doc bumped me up to 3x a day. That worked.... for a while. Finally I got 10 mgs 3x daily. It took any pain I had away and made me feel beyond good. I fell in love, deeply. Nobody, including myself thought of me as an addict. Then I began running out a few days early. A few days turned into a week until now. Now I can sometimes run out 2 weeks early. This happened in a 2 year span. I then knew I was a full blown addict. I ended up going to the ER for bogus reasons just to get 10 to 20 which would only last me a few days. Then I stooped to my all time low stealing them from my own mother who got the exact amount as I did only she would take them maybe every other day so it was easy to take about 30 or so. Then I began taking them from my mother in law. The 2 women in my life I love the most and who would do anything for me. I just spiraled fast. Its not like I woke up one day and decided I wanted to be a thieving piece of garbage,yet here I am. Here I am, a mother of a 6 year old beautiful baby girl with a family who loves me more than I deserve and am so scared. So scared that I am going to die and leave my daughter without a mother. I cry all the time for many reasons. I need help. I've done the rehab thing 3 times to no avail. I can't go cold turkey. I physically can't endure it. I'm sick of letting my loved ones down. If anyone has any advice on how to wein off while keeping the withdrawals at bay would be amazing. I can't just lock myself in my room for 2 weeks and just take it. I need to be able to take care of my daughter. Please, any help would be great and hopefully life changing. Please and thank you. Anna | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2015, 11:03 AM
Your story is nearly identical to mine. I reached the point I couldn't handle it anymore. I was getting them for legitimate enough reasons and then stealing them and then buying them. I have 55 days and I did it cold turkey at the worst possible time. I have a family and a business to run. The last 2 months are some of the busiest for my business and the kids have baseball and trying to get our house cleaned up for the summer. I took a long weekend and just laid on the couch. I told my wife what was going on so she could handle the boys and then that was it. I was back to work and back to the best life I could manage. I still don't feel 100% but I'm 98% and that's fine. It's all me. No fake energy from the pills. The withdrawals are bad for a few days and then you can go back to your life. You just have to force yourself to do it. 4 days tops and you will be fine. Some people can quit and go right back to their life with no time for withdrawals. You will get a lot of advice on here. My advice is to bite the bullet and go cold turkey. You will be fine in a few days. If you get on a taper there are 2 problems. First, if you could control how you took pills you probably wouldn't be in this situation. Second, for me at least, the moment I took less than I did the day before, my withdrawals would start. It's comforting to have them there as a safety net, but you will have minor withdrawals for months on a taper. I say take a weekend and do it. Just quit and then you can be done forever. Keep checking back, you will get a lot of advice. I can't believe how similar our stories are and if I can do it, you can do it. I wish you all the best
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Posts: 6
Joined: May 25, 2015
Posted: June 3, 2015, 12:02 PM
I agree that you should quit cold turkey. If you have access to the pills, chances are you are going to take them. I've just gotten through my first week after quitting cold turkey and am feeling quite a bit better. The urge to take them is still really strong but most of the physical stuff has gone away. I felt like total crap for the first four days and didn't sleep at all but by day five saw a marked improvement. After that, each day has gotten better bit by bit. I don't have any kids so I can't speak to that, but I do have a very busy job and a lot of people counting on me at work. If you can take a few days off that would be ideal so you can just sort of blob in bed. If you have someone to watch your child that's even better. Not very many people understand what you'll be feeling except the people on boards like this or at meetings. You'll have support on here when you choose to stop but you have to be 100% committed to stopping for you...not for anyone else. If you're not 100% ready, you'll likely relapse after a couple days. The trick is to not give in to the urge to take anything...stay strong. You can do it. Just remember that you had happy days before you started taking the pills and you will have them long after you stop taking them. Best of luck.
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Posts: 6
Joined: June 2, 2015
Posted: June 3, 2015, 4:39 PM
Thank you all so much!! All of this advice I'd very comforting. Please keep it coming because my journey of sobriety has barely even begun. Its really nice to have people who understand. 😁
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Posts: 6
Joined: June 2, 2015
Posted: June 3, 2015, 5:00 PM
PS
I would give damn near ANYTHING to go to what I call "the before times". I was so happy. I fing miss it so much. I miss waking up in not having hydros be the first thing on my mind and pretty much all I think about all day. I want my old life and my old self back. But I'm telling you, I really don't think I can do the cold Turkey thing. My fiancé is already holding and distributing them to me. But us addicts have our way of being manipulative. And I will freak out and throw a fit until he just can't stand hearing me anymore. I'm getting better n am continuing to work on it. Again, I'm just scared. Beyond scared. | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2015, 5:42 PM
You can get back there. It takes a little bit of time, but you can do it. I don't think about pills much at all now. In the beginning I could only think about needing them and then I could only think about not taking them and now there are days it doesn't even enter my mind. Whole days I don't think about them. Block yourself off a few days to go through hell and after those few days you will start feeling better. Tell your fiance what's going on. Get a little prepared for it. Get some imodium and maybe a multivitamin and plan on drinking as much water as you can and laying in bed or on the couch and watching movies. The symptoms are very similar to the flu so just tell the little one you are sick. It sucks. It does. But you can get all the suckiness in one shot or you can stretch it out for weeks or months. Just go cold turkey. You can do it. If you're ready to put all of this behind amd find that natural happiness from just being alive, then you can do it and it won't be as bad as you think. Like I said a few days maybe 4 then things start getting better. Do it now before something awful happens like you get caught taking pills that aren't prescribed to you. Then you'll be detoxing in a jail cell and fighting to keep that little one. It can happen in the blink of an eye. You're here and that's a great first step.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: June 3, 2015, 8:00 PM
Hello and welcome! So what are you going to different this time? You've been to treatment 3 times and still keep getting back on the pills. Did you go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps? I never could have stopped on my own, I had to seek treatment as well. I can relate to the feelings of not wanting to go through the withdraw process, it does suck! You need to be honest with yourself. What's it gonna take for you to stay clean? You've said you can quit and I don't have a magic wand to wave advice to you with. With hard work and willingness you can get your life back. You have to WANT to be CLEAN MORE then you want to get HIGH! Keep coming back!
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Posts: 6
Joined: June 2, 2015
Posted: June 4, 2015, 6:20 PM
Like I said, I LOVE my hydros.. I love the relief they give me from my chronic back pain and then I fell in love with the feeling that came with it. Then it obviously spiraled.I don't get it.. in my late teens I was addicted to smoking and selling fluff, aka, hot cook meth for 2 n a half years and quit with no problems. But these hydros have me by the lady balls so bad... I'm scared of the withdrawal but I'm also scared of the neck n back pain that I had them prescribed for in the first place. I don't know... actually, I do know a couple things.... it's time for me to take my life back and knowing that y'all fallowing my posts and responding means more to me than you guys know. It's nice to have people who have been there and understand. Thanks, all of you.
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Posted: June 6, 2015, 3:03 AM
How are you doing today? Have you thought about cold turkey? That's just my opinion and may not be the answer for you. The most important thing is that you figure out what you need to do and do it. I'm telling you though, cold turkey isn't as bad as you think. You just need to be committed. Just like girltoday said you have to want to be clean more than you want to use. I was getting a prescription from the doctor and supplementing by buying some on the side. It would've been very easy for me to continue, but I reached a point where I didn't like who I was becoming and I made the decision to stop. I reached out on here and other places and went to meetings and did whatever I had to. I told the people that needed to know and just went for it. I didn't just want to quit I wanted to be done forever. It's easier when you aren't thinking man a pill would make this better and you can focus on how you are going to live without them. I felt like all the horrible stuff I was going through was good. Like it was my body healing. Cam, a guy on here, suggested some videos that helped me a lot. Search for "calm support" on YouTube. There is a lot of good stuff on there amd the guy is very inspirational. He writes a blog and he's pretty good about responding to stuff if you have questions. It helped me a lot. Let us know how it's going
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