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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 17, 2015, 2:22 AM
It's really hard to believe I have ended up here. Not because I consider myself to be any better than any one else when it comes to having will power and characteristics of addiction. But because more than 5 years ago I was a social guy, had friends, had a balanced life, great career prospects etc. Everything in my life was great.
Where do I start? Like many of you, I started taking over the counter Nurofen Plus, Panafen Plus, whatever generic brands etc. Mainly for headache, and leg pain. I did not know at the time, years ago, that I had issues related to depression and anxiety that I had not dealt with properly at all. These feelings of depression and anxiety started to surface in my early-mid 20s, I'm now 28m. I realised that when I had bad pain I would take a few more N+ than directed and I started to feel the effects. The way it made me feel, it helped suppress my anxiety and depression. As with many of us, my use spiraled well out of control, my tolerance grew and grew. So much so, that I was taking upwards of 120 tablets per day. That's 1,536mg of codeine, and unfortunately, 24,000mg of ibuprofen per day. I couldn't believe what I was doing. Shopping from chemist to chemist. It was ridiculous. I should be dead. But I'm still here, and I'm going to give it all I've got to get my life back. I got down to 60 pills per day last week, and I had my last dose on Thursday 12th February. I'm on day 5 of recovery/withdrawal and it has been very, very tough. This is my final option, I cannot go back. I know if I do, I will definitely die, because my use is extreme. I just wanted to get this out there. I've been addicted probably on and off the past 5 years, but hardcore approximately 3 years at least. I haven't been able to really confide in anyone, so I'm hoping to get some feedback and well wishes from fellow members on here. I'm trying to take each day as it comes. But it is definitely tough. Thanks in advance for reading and/or responding. Cheers, Circa85. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 17, 2015, 9:38 AM
Hello Circa:
Addiction is a progressive disease and the addict is the last one to realize that. We all end up in such pain and hopelessness and come to the point where the decisions we make are in fact self-defeating. Simply put, I ended up making decisions to do the things I couldn't/shouldn't do and did not do the things I should. I ended up with only the decision to make on whether I would shoot myself or hang myself. I was going to die and the only choice left was to go to AA/NA. That was 25 yrs ago. It wasn't about the drugs/alcohol .. it was why I needed the relief that drugs/alcohol gave me. I wish you the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: February 17, 2015, 1:12 PM
Hey Circa-85-good decision-well done- i was taking large amount of pain killers till last september- doing it cold turkey is not easy, rough few weeks but well worth it now- it can be done- the wd's will pass and then you are free from this crap- bear in mind stopping is the easy part- staying stopped is when the hard work starts- Papa bear is right - you need to find out the cause-now you have dealt with the symptoms- dont try and do it on your own-we all need help now and again- especially when dealing with the disease of addiction- very few make it on their own- what ever method you chose, NA , an addiction counsellor, a trusted friend- you need someone to talk to about what is going on for you and to help you thru the bad days- dont kid yourself there will be bad days- but they will get less and less the more clean time you get- reach out and you will be amazed how much help is available- stay strong - best of luck- YOU CAN DO THIS-
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 17, 2015, 1:39 PM
Thanks for the responses both of you, Bear and Traveling man.
Have had virtually no sleep at all again over night from Day 5 to Day 6. Legs extremely restless, and just unable to put my brain to rest. It's almost making me feel, like, manic. Very difficult to deal with. Have tried restavit (doxylamine succinate) to help with sleep but it has hardly worked. Have also tried a few small amounts of 10mg temazepam to try and sleep as well, but again, to no avail. Unable to sleep at all. Maybe 30-60mins at best. Probably only a few hours all up over the past 6 days. Absolute HELL. This is making me go crazy right now, but I know I can't give up and I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other so to speak. This is the first time I have reached out properly to experienced people such as yourselves to talk about this problem in the first place. I've tried to quit twice before purely on my own, which were unfortunately unsuccessful attempts. This time I have done things differently. I've reached out here firstly, but have also got in contact with a great experienced addict in recovery on YouTube which has been helpful. Not sure if you or anyone has heard of him or seen his videos but they have been helping me. His name is Ryan and he has a lot of experience with opiate addiction and recovery, his channel and videos are here - https://www.youtube.com/user/calmsupport. I totally get what you mean when you say that staying clean is the challenge, rather than essentially the initial quitting or stopping of the opiates. It is the journey after which determines my fate. I just hope I have the strength to pull through this. | ||
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: February 17, 2015, 2:16 PM
circa-85 stick at it - use whatever method works for you-you can do this- it will start to get better soon - stay strong-
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 17, 2015, 2:58 PM
Circa:
In The 12 Steps of AA/NA we don't muster more strength but we admit powerlessness. Here is AA's HOW IT WORKS (same thing for NA): http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf Do what you need to do but in the end, I mean a lifetime of clean/sober, AA/NA is the only true treatment for millions of us. Are you in the UK? I'm in Canada (The Colonies) Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 17, 2015, 8:19 PM
Thanks again to both of you.
Guys I live in Sydney, Australia. I know that for some, codeine products over the counter may seem strange, but for the vast majority of society, it is a useful and effective pain reliever when taken as directed. The problem, is when addiction sets in, there are no real barriers to stop the addict from continually purchasing this medication. I mean, I would have thought by now, in 2015, there would be a nationally managed electronic database to track the dispensing of this potentially addictive painkiller. Very tough today, feel pretty rough. Slept a couple of hours, but it was poor sleep. Would you recommend going to a doctor to discuss current insomnia and lack of sleep issues to see whether any help could be provided, or do I just try and tough it out? I thank you all for your help and responses. To anyone reading this who is suffering a similar fate, do not be afraid to try and kick this terrible habit. In the end, it will kill us, we have to allow ourselves to heal and realise the importance of live. | ||
Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: February 18, 2015, 5:55 PM
Hey Circa, so day 6-7 of no NP that is fantastic..........I know exactly what your going through and it is torture right now for you.........what I can promise you is it WILL get better......the lack of sleep drives you crazy and the restless legs....pure hell......I ended up getting compression stockings and then over the top of them I wrapped a large brown bandage very tightly around each leg.......it worked for me......The physical symptoms should ease shortly and then the real battle begins.......anxiety and depression will set in and you really need to be prepared for this because your mind will start playing tricks on you........example......."I'v done so well so why not reward myself and do it just once"......what ever you do don't listen to that voice.........I found I had to try and keep myself busy however the lack of energy really makes this difficult........I felt like I was 100 yrs trying to drag my arse around......it will take a while to get your energy back.....try and eat 6 small meals a day and plenty of water......you can do this....and the good news is you only have to do this once......
hang in there my Aussie friend......just one day at a time....don't think ahead any more then that or you will go crazy.... | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 18, 2015, 6:57 PM
Hey AG,
Thanks for your response, it just helps knowing others have gone through this and I'm not alone. I can't believe I let things get this bad, but I guess when you are addicted to anything, you really cannot see the forest from the trees - if you know what I mean. Day 7 today, and the insomnia is absolutely killing me. To the point, where feel almost manic. Completely drained and I know my mind is distorted because of this tough environment my mind and body is currently in. I know I need to just keep on keeping on but as always, it is easier said than done, that's for sure. You are right about the tough part being not using in the future. The mind is so easily able to force us to think we can just do it one more time. I'm doing everything in my power this time to prevent relapse from happening, and to build a new life with small progressive changes for the positive. I know my personality is addictive, or has the addictive components so I need to re-focus these tendencies onto more positive things such as exercise, gym, and helping others. I thank you all for responding so far, it is helping me as I have never reached out before until this time. Thanks, Circa_85! | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: February 18, 2015, 11:31 PM
Hey cirea,......if u want to e-mail my address is ...hopefully the moderators won't read this before u do......sorry moderators.
we both live in the best country in the world and so it would be nice to keep in contact.....I'm from sunny QLD Brisbane...... | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 19, 2015, 1:10 AM
Thanks AG, appreciate it.
Today has been tough, but I ended up opening up to my family about my addiction. So far my dad and sister know and they have been really supportive. I'm still going through withdrawal though and sleeping is still a major issue. I want to get better but it feels as though it is taking forever. I know that it is just justice being done to me for all the pills I have taken over the years. I never thought I would have the courage to open up to family, but I crossed that barrier today and I truly believe I am going to change my life for the better. Cheers, Circa85. | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: February 19, 2015, 1:26 AM
Well done about the steps you have taken Circa, what a weight off your shoulders that must have been........My father has been very supportive about my whole process and he was invaluable in the first month of coming of the NP.........so keep close to your family and feed off there positivity........have you have some tests done to see if there has been any damage done?.....if not it might be best to leave it untill you have a bit more time under your belt being clean........don't want to have to much going on in your head .........so do you work?.....as you probably know I am a Registered Nurse.....yes I know wrong profession in regards to my addictive nature........but I do love the work.........try to get out for a 20 min walk out in the sunshine each day.....it has been proven to raise your happy hormone levels...other people on this site swear by melatonion ( have not spelt that right ) which helps with sleep.......always do your research before taking it.........
Hang tough my friend Big (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 19, 2015, 1:50 AM
Yeah definitely opening up to my family has been amazing.
My mum now also knows, and whilst she was shocked when my father told her, we just spoke on the phone and she is just so happy that I have come to them and told them what was going on. They knew something was wrong, but they weren't exactly sure what the problem was. I have isolated myself from friends, become non-social and all these hallmarks were signs that something wasn't right. I have one more person to tell. My partner, and I am so afraid to tell her. She comes home tomorrow after working a while away from our home. But given the huge swell of support I have received from my family, I'm counting on the odds that my girl, (now my fiance) will be in my corner and will support me. I am just afraid she would leave me, but if I am honest, she is a beautiful person and she has never given me any reason previously that she would leave me for something like this. I won't know the outcome though until I sit her down tomorrow night and divulge to her everything that has happened. I did go to the doctor today and I am getting a blood test done next Monday. I am extremely concerned about the internal damage I have likely done. I can't say for sure what damage has been done, but I would anticipate problems to my stomach due to the excess ibuprofen. And then potential kidney and/or adrenal problems but will await further testing before jumping the gun. One positive sign is I am not experiencing any kidney/back pain, which may not mean anything but it has to be a positive thing. At my worst, I was taking 120 pills. To my knowledge I haven't found anyone or other forums where anyone was taking that much so I am extremely concerned to say the least about my health. I have my own property and mortgage and bills, but was made redundant last December. This is why I decided to get clean because I was not working. My finances are fast running out, but after speaking with my mother she said to forget worrying about finances or bills and they will take care of everything so I can get better. I know I am very lucky to have this family support. If anyone is reading this right now and is addicted to pain killers, nurofen plus, or other over-the-counter drugs please speak up. I was a staunch advocate of remaining completely anonymous and not confiding in family or my partner, but for some, including me, that isn't an option. Part of the issue with the addiction is the lying, the hiding, the terrible things we do. If you don't let these things out by dealing with your issues with counselors or family or whoever then the recovery is going to be 10 times more difficult and the odds of failure are high. How do I know? Because I tried to quit previously without telling anyone. It ended up getting me nowhere. Together we are strong, like the links in a chain, we can do great things and achieve great things when we share our problems. Cheers, Circa. | ||
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Posted: February 19, 2015, 8:57 AM
Hi to all you brave people
Thank you for sharing your stories, for the last week I have 'lurked' without quite being brave enough to venture in but as my name suggests, its time I did. I have so much in common with so many of you, starting using these pieces of poison (N+) 12 -15 years ago, with good reason at the time and carried on and on and on. I am luckier than many of you, I have a sensitive stomach (always have had) and when I took too many, it would inflame really quickly and just for a while make me stop and think about what I was doing to myself. Still taking the damn things though, so clearly didn't think too much! Because of my stomach issues, I never took more than 20 a day and am currently tapering myself off. Now on day 3 of just 5 a day. Next week will drop to 4. Its still a damn addiction though and wd's are still unpleasant. I really do wonder if I will ever be the 'normal' person I pretend to be? I really do have it all now, a successful business, two gorgeous grown up kids, three beautiful grandchildren, and in the last year have met the love of my life.....wtf do I want to put this stuff into my system????? I guess if any of us knew the answer to that none of us would be here would we? Ok, finally, one practical question for anyone who has used the 'taper' method - currently I am spacing my 'dose' out at regular intervals (one pill every 3-4 hours). I am actually sleeping ok at the moment and trying to make myself wait half an hour after I get up before taking the first. When I cut down, should I leave it longer before taking no1 or cut the 'poison' tablets in half and maintain the frequency or aim to cut out the last one? Any suggestions gratefully received. Good luck to you all. Thank you for sharing your stories, you are all inspirational and I look forward to reading more about your successes. Cathy x | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 19, 2015, 10:15 PM
Time-To-Kick-It welcome, and well done on putting yourself out there and admitting you have a problem.
Just a quick update on my end of things. I'm on Day 8 of being clean from Nurofen Plus. My max dose was 120 pills per day, but cut down the past few months to 60 pills, and finally had my last 60 pills on Wednesday 11th February. The past 8 days have probably been the most toughest ever in my life, a part from losing my little brother when I was 16 but that's another whole story separate to this (although it is related to my pill taking). Went to the doctors again today, and have had blood taken. The doctor is aiming to get it done in an express way and wants me to see him on Sunday morning so I can get the results. I also need the results as I am booked in to see a Psychiatrist on Monday 23rd Feb, and my GP wants me to have the blood results to show the Pysch. At the moment, my GP is mainly concerned with my stomach, and kidneys. He believes from his assessment so far that I will recover and there is a high chance that I will be able to live a relatively healthy normal life. I'm counting on those blood results though, coz they will tell the real story. I ended up telling my partner (fiance) last night and she has been really supportive, which I am so thankful of. Now my fiance and my core family all know what has happened and they are rallying around me. The support has been huge, and it has been really helpful to no longer struggle with this terrible disease all by myself. I was surprised also that when my doc took my blood pressure it was 124/84 which is quite normal and positive. I thought it was going to be through the roof. Time-to-Kick-It, unfortunately I don't know too much about the tapering process of codeine and painkillers in general. Whenever I tried to taper, I would always ended up taking too much and I was never successful by trying to quit that way. Having said that, there are many people who have managed successful tapers off many medications including painkillers. My best advice would be to open up to a doctor or GP to ask for advice and let them help you manage the process. Having also said that, you have cut down so much and that is an amazing achievement. If you had some time to yourself, perhaps up to a week, you might be able to finish up taking your current supply per day and stop altogether. I have been told by many that there will be withdrawal symptoms from tapering, but they should be less than going cold turkey on a high amount. I commend you for doing what you have done so far. None of this is easy that's for sure. Stay strong, stay committed and keep posting here. It has definitely been helping me that's for sure. | ||
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Posted: February 20, 2015, 8:28 AM
Circa 85
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, you are doing amazingly well so please stay strong and beat these little b******s. So glad you have your family support too, that will make a huge difference. My partner knows I am trying to kick these demons although has no idea how addicted I really am, bless him, he thinks it is just a case of 'not taking anymore'. Please keep posting, your story is motivating me and no doubt there are others our there lurking like I did. Thinking of you x | ||
Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015
Posted: February 20, 2015, 10:04 PM
Hi Circa_85,
I too am a N+ addict I too am from the land of OZ.. same state infact just north of you in newcastle...I understand your pain your anguish and your desire and need to stop...I, about 6 weeks ago went cold turkey on a 70 a day habit..I lasted 2 weeks, I needed to have 3 teeth surgically removed and bam...there was my excuse to have pain pills...I just didnt stop...so now I start my long journey to freedom again...today is day 2..and the wds are not as harsh as last time...its more psychological at the moment...hopefully I can be here next week saying im kicking but...I hope today is a good day for you...one step at a time... | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 20, 2015, 11:34 PM
Hi All,
It is day 9 nine for me today and it is still difficult for me. I did finally get a bit of sleep last night which was positive but I am still really struggling with not having slept hardly for the last 8 days or so. Trying2Hard well done for your initial habit kick, and well done for not giving up and starting to quit again. Try not to kick yourself about the relapse. It is tough but we need to keep trying to quit and remain in recovery. This is a difficult problem to fix. There are no universal answers for everyone, yet many of our stories are much the same it seems. I have tried to quit twice before, both times I tried to do it by myself and I failed. This time, I have opened up about my addiction with my family and partner and the support has been amazing. Having a support system in place is going to be critical. Especially for myself as I know this is something I cannot do on my own. Even though I'm 9 days clean I'm still not feeling that great but it wasn't as bad as the first few days. I'm hoping in the next few days that things start to pick up and I start to get more sleep, and more energy back. Unfortunately there is no real timeline, our body's are different and they deal with these things differently. Quitting and getting into recovery is certainly something we all must strive for, we cannot keep going down this road. Because in the end, we will end up DEAD. And that isn't an exaggeration, it's the truth. It has happened in the UK with people abusing Nurofen Plus and OTC pain killers. I consider myself to be so lucky being able to post here, still alive after consuming so many pills over the past 3 and a half years. I feel blessed to be alive and will be trying to reinforce this important message as the days get further and I get better. For those still addicted or starting their recovery, this can be the first day of the rest of your new life. As individuals we are powerless, but together we can achieve more than we possibly imagined. Please also remember, that life is so precious. We only get one, and it is up to us as to how we track through it. Never give up, no matter how hard things are, they can always be better, and that is the sweetness on the other side of being in recovery. Cheers, Circa. | ||
Posts: 17
Joined: February 15, 2015
Posted: February 21, 2015, 3:26 PM
Hi circa 85 how are you doing? Hope you're coping ok? Its been day 5 for me talking 24 tablets a day and its been very difficult staying on track , the plan is to reduce again at the beginning of the week down to 20 tablets a day so here's hoping, this website is so much help I'm so glad im on here now, I wish i could stop thinking about nurofen plus just for a minute, I can't wait till im free from this evil things. I'm here anytime you need anything, take care.
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: February 21, 2015, 7:27 PM
Hi Dian,
Welcome here, and good on you for starting to cut down. This disease of addiction is a tough one to beat but it can be done. Thousands, probably millions have done it before and are doing it now. Day 10 for me today, and started to get a bit more sleep last night. Obviously not 100% yet, energy still very low and symptoms are still there from withdrawal but they are lessening. In an hour or so I find out about my blood results, I am anxious and concerned to say the least. I'm crossing my fingers and will let you all know the outcome shortly. Cheers, Circa. | ||
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