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Posts: 71
Joined: January 20, 2014
Posted: January 20, 2014, 11:20 PM
I am new to these boards. I have been searching online for help for quite awhile but never really got involved or posted. When I started with the pain medication it was legitimate. I have horrible chronic pain but the pills have overtaken my life. I hate the person I have become but feel trapped in this cycle.....how do you start to reel yourself in? I can't afford detox, I fail at every attempt to wean down...I'm spiraling out of control & need help....what did you guys do to pull your lives back together? Any help is appreciated....I feel like I'm losing control and just need a friend ......someone with no judgement but who understands this is a miserable journey
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: January 20, 2014, 11:27 PM
Until one of the PP regulars replies read around the board...lots of posts, lots of wisdom, lots of support.
Welcome ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: January 21, 2014, 5:25 AM
There's always discussing your concerns with a physician who would help you wean down. possibly one that would prescribe other meds to mask the tapering process.
But the first thing I'd do is go to someone who could or is willing to help. We've all been there. There IS a way out. | ||
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Posted: January 21, 2014, 9:43 AM
Lori,
Been there and remember the whole awful cycle and psychology......you need to get on a short, 12 day taper on Subutex. I was afraid of the whole Sub thing from what I was reading but was reassured by several professionals that it was the way to go. I am glad that I listened. It was painless and I am now 13 months clean. Living with chronic pain but am no longer a slave. You can do it. Pursue it and, although you will have to deal with the effects of being off of the pain meds for awhile (loss of energy, a bit of depression here and there), gradually you will return to your old self. I wish you the best. -------------------- Zeppfan | ||
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Posts: 71
Joined: January 20, 2014
Posted: January 21, 2014, 10:50 AM
Thank you for the encouragement. I have spoken to my dr and said because of my pain situation it would be best to remain on the medication until we get to the bottom of the pain and come up with a better way to deal with it. I love his compassion and I am grateful that he doesn't want to see me suffer but I feel like the pain meds aren't helping like they should anyway and it's spiraled out of control. I reached out to another dr that I saw when I was trying to get to the bottom of my medical nightmare and explained things to her...she emailed me back within an hour and expressed interest in helping me. She suggests an exploratory procedure to look 1 more time to see if they can find out what's going on and then there is a block they can do to kill the nerves where the pain is coming from. She suggests I get the block done and then we can get the meds out of the picture. I am pushing for an appointment asap...I was hoping that maybe we can do this all in 1 visit to the hospital because every day that goes by is just another day that I can't stand the person I am and the addict I have allowed myself to become. I never thought this could ever happen to me. I never even had any interest in trying a drug....I have tried to figure out how this started, when it changed from being a medical necessity to a problem and I just don't know...all I know is that it's out of hand and much bigger than me at this point. I spoke to the dr about just trying this cold turkey and asked him for something for the anxiety because every time I've tried to quit on my own and the anxiety peaks...that's when I unravel and fail. He told me that he doesn't recommend anyone cold turkey and feels like that doesn't work. I don't know....I just want to scream. I feel like I'm at the edge and I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of waiting to see what happens....this is a nightmare.
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Posts: 28
Joined: February 11, 2014
Posted: February 14, 2014, 9:42 AM
Lori2nj...My biggest problem coming off vics has been the extreem anxiety..Hot hot baths helped..I drank one can of beer every two hours on day four..It calmed it..At bed time I took a shot of nyquil...Although I was still miserable I got thru..Im on day 7 today,,I slept like a log last night and feel very hopeful today,,One minute at a time..Gotta really be strong and want it really bad...I have about 150 pills in my room..I could go take one at any time..Butt I wanna keep them for a reminder of just how many I took,,,Im gonna put them in an ern along with one of my dogs and my daughter...Its a signal of death to my addiction..You can get thru this...Your doc should be on your side..If he or she is not all of us on here have been and are still going thru this...Just know your not alone....
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Posts: 71
Joined: January 20, 2014
Posted: February 14, 2014, 9:23 PM
Wow...having 150 pills sitting there and still going CT - that's amazing. I couldn't do that. I know myself too well and that temptation would derail me.
I am suffering with the shakes and the hot/cold flashes today really bad and the anxiety has my heart racing.....I just want to sleep - I'd love to just sleep......that seems like something that's impossible though. I know I need to keep myself focused on 5 minutes at a time for now. That's the only way I can make it at this time. Good luck with your recovery..sounds like you're doing great. We're all here together so I pray we're all a success in the end. Hugs! Lori | ||
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Posts: 28
Joined: February 11, 2014
Posted: February 20, 2014, 12:53 PM
Lori2u your getting thru the worst of the withdrawls...It was just awful..When the heart starts pumping like crazy it can be overwhelming..I was almost in a state of pannick...Im going on 2 weeks of this and i just feel tired and really not interedsted in too much...I know this to will pass..But thank God I hung in there and got thru the awful w/d s....Every day is better an better..I actually am feeling like me..I forgot who she was...I know you got this..I cant stress enough to just do a minute at a time...Never let your guard down...Take a shot of nyquil it helps..Wish you the best girl...Praying for you
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Posts: 6300
Joined: May 27, 2005
Posted: February 21, 2014, 2:58 PM
Get rid of the pills. You will take them eventually. They're not a reminder, they're a safety net. You have to learn how to live without the buzz before you can trust yourself with pills around. What are you doing to stay clean? How are you changing?
-------------------- १२ सà¥à¤¤à¥ˆà¤ªà¥à¤ªà¥ˆà¤°! kat11100@comcast.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor. | ||
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Posts: 28
Joined: February 11, 2014
Posted: February 21, 2014, 4:06 PM
Im doing it one day at a time...The pills sitting there really dont bother me..i HAVE BEEN DOING SOME CRAFTS THIS PAST COUPLE OF DAYS AND HAVE MY HANDS FULL HELPING MY DAUGHTER MOVE..I did the nyquil at bed time too...Im just feeling really tired...Wish icould just nap all day..LOL good luck with that..
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Posts: 2268
Joined: October 17, 2004
Posted: February 22, 2014, 11:48 PM
Like 12 stepper, I don't think keeping those pills around is a good idea.......
Do you really need pills around to 'remind you.' I can't assume to know what is the best thing for anyone or everyone, but to me it seems very dangerous. No matter how determined a person is, or how hard they have worked at staying clean, temptation occurs. We learn we have to overcome cravings that suddenly occur out of nowhere. They eventually dissipate. But if something is right there, INSTANTLY ACCESSABLE, and if the wrong or right thing or even nothing happens, and that monster comes out, it takes less than a fraction of a second for all the reasons u don't want to use to evaporate. Time is a tool to get us past that. Time allows us to think it thru, make a phone call, pray, etc. Instant access can destroy time. -------------------- No matter what right you did or what wrong you didn't do: When you're the black sheep, all blame belongs to you | ||
Posts: 562
Joined: August 3, 2009
Posted: February 24, 2014, 10:40 AM
Hey Now,
Dealing with anxiety, pain, loss, grief, hurt, sadness just to name a few of the heavier feelings I feel is without question the HARDEST most Challenging part of the whole process. I think most of those feelings in me stem in me much more out of THE VOIDS, that EXSIST in me, than my response to the events going on around me. I used to think I had this one Void in me, and I filled that void with..getting high.. Over the years though I realize I have all kinds of Voids. The thing I do nowadays is RECOGINIZE them, admit they EXSIST, and find ways to cope with them. Spiritual Void---MY biggest most painful void.. Not sure how it came into exsistence really, I know I did something I knew went against my right/wrong..Then I enternalized, doing something wrong, with being wrong. Then once I felt wrong, different, bad..Nothing or Nobody could touch me on any level..I was numb. I have learned the spiritual energy that I need to just make it through the day is present..For me connected to that energy is done when I utter the word..PLEASE.. Doing something wrong, doesn't make you wrong. It makes you human. I also have voids in my physical life, my emotional life, my educational life, my sex life, my relationship with others life, my finical life, my diet life, my exercise life, my job life, Each of these brings forth its own barrage of painful feelings, each of them will guide me and direct me to a better place.. If I fill them in a way that is BENEFICAL. If I just use dope to cover them over, I miss the point of being. Pick a void any void:) SEE JUST TALKING ABOUT MY VOIDS, LETTING MYSELF KNOW, IT'S COOL TO HAVE THEM..release a little bit of my anxiety..in a manner slightly less problematic to me than dope. Hope---KNOWING THAT WHICH IS NOT READILY AT HAND, IS AVAILABLE. Faith---BELIEVING IN SOMETHING I CAN'T SEE, TOUCH, OR MEASURE. TO ACCEPT AS TRUE THIS UNSEEN, UNTOUCHABE, IMMEASURABLE FORCE. LOVE--THE LIFE FLOW OF ENERGY FROM ONE TO THE NEXT. Now which of these areas is bothering me today? Love | ||
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