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Makin Decisions
Posted: December 27, 2013, 2:57 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



been off opiates for 12 hours.this is my best chance fora full 24 hours.i have taken a klonopin and smoked a small bit of bud.got my phone on blocking mode.as my opiate withdrawals continue i just keep thinkn that quitting bud will be next.gota long struggle.but remainin optimistic.i got up to 6perc 30s a day up my nose a day usn energy drinks and synthetic energy supplments to maintain.the scary thing was the quickness of my tolerance and the availibility of bulk quanity at a cheap price.this is my first time trying this website and and even a chatroom.ive been clean before fora few months ata time but go back to bad association and drug use.i want this to b the last time.
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Posted: December 28, 2013, 9:30 AM


Posts: 6119
Joined: May 27, 2005



If you have any in your house "just in case", get rid of them. If they're there, you'll take them.

--------------------

१२ स्तैप्पैर!


kat11100@comcast.net

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town

Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor.

user posted image
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Posted: December 28, 2013, 3:01 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



took sum nyquil for the insominia which allowd small catnaps.im waiting for the intense hot and cold flashes but im rushing things.im just so ready to be off these pills again.i can go 6-8 months clean, but always go back.those inner feelings of shame is what motivates someone.the feelings nobody can see, the internal struggle nobody sees.but,as of right now Im on my day 2 with no opiates and im waitin for the full withdrawals to kick in.Dont think I ll b getting to far off the couch today.im fully aware day2 aint nothn compared to the overall goal, but im sure we are all too familiar with the single step journey cliche.
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Posted: December 28, 2013, 4:52 PM


Posts: 6119
Joined: May 27, 2005



Drink a lot of water or Gatorade. Stay hydrated.

--------------------

१२ स्तैप्पैर!


kat11100@comcast.net

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town

Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor.

user posted image
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Posted: December 28, 2013, 10:04 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



drinking what i can.cup o noodles are awesome.dont have much energy or strength.its a struggle getting up.keep telling myself its for the better.which i know but forgotten easily.im anxious to be back to being sober and not normal.
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Posted: December 29, 2013, 9:17 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



been awake since three.my legs just want to seperate from my hips and run off in different directions.i guess they would hop n different directions.cannibis just barely gives my legs a break.
changed clothes twice due to sweating.drinking gatorade when i can.this how my day3 is starting and i am ready.im glad i found this message board.it helps.
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Posted: December 29, 2013, 10:15 AM


Posts: 649
Joined: August 11, 2012



Hang in there! The worst is almost over. It does get a little better day by day.
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Posted: December 29, 2013, 1:51 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



oh yes.im just complaining.i can feel a little stronger a little more alert but still dont wana move too far away from the couch.
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Posted: December 29, 2013, 6:33 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



day3 went downhill quick.imodium day..and the bathroom is upstairs.ain that sum sh**.no pun honestly.just feels better to type.i know it ll ease up.im definitely impatiently waiting for my body to restart.already went this far.might as well keep goin and thats what im doin.im surprised how much this entire board works.im grateful i found it.
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Posted: December 30, 2013, 3:48 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



been eating and staying hydrated.just so restless.feels like my legs want to arm wrestle.especially at night.only catnappn.im craving sum good sleep more than a percocet right now.im unable to find a movie to put me to sleep on netflix.ive thought about getn sum perc30s all day. buy em in bulk for cheap.sell em for well(more than i paid) And have plenty left over for myself.financially benefiting myself but destroying whats me..the problem of knowing too many of the wrong people,everybody knows a few of the wrong people and for the most part steer clear.but some of us,thats all we know.and the only reason why we know its wrong is because we were affected negatively by it.a person can b doing great ,achieving goals, but still not happy,not content,When will enough be enough.and still handln the wds.hopefully it ll subside some.
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Posted: December 30, 2013, 2:35 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



Day4 I went searching my stash spots.just looking...so glad I prepared and checked all my spots before making my decision to stop.odds are if I woulda found one I wouldve sniffed it and contemplated while Im high how Im going to better myself in the future.Ironic.Vicious cycle.the guilt trip I wouldve given myself too for being so weak was already in my head.but didnt find one and quite positive i dont have any stashed.we kinda have a knack to be thorough when it comes to some things.things workd out rather nicely, made oatmeal,drank coffee,going about my day.
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Posted: December 31, 2013, 12:43 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



Started out searchn for straggling pills to going to the gym and a five mile run.I was yelling and cussing myself the whole time to push through and I did.I dont think I wouldve handled my weakness too well if I gave up so easily.Its the only the winter time i go in my binges.Too much down time.the whole idle hands cliche.then knowing bad people.so the question would be what am i going to do differently.Detox sucks thats the first motivation.It was as if I was doing everything right and the drug found me.Only thing to do different would b to try harder and be stronger.bigger better faster stronger
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Posted: January 1, 2014, 1:42 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



day5 wrapping up.moving on 3 hours of sleep and not tired.so restless.went for a run and got nto the gym.feeln better day by day.eating and drinking more.amazing how quick a sober person can appreciate the simple things.still sluggish and forcing myself to move.so far so good.still wanting a quick 30 up my nose but easier to tell myself no due to future consequences.just envisioning the shame i would bring upon myself is enough.new years eve and decided to stay in.still hopn for decent sleep but oh well.cant have everything.anxious for 6.much rather wake up to it but i will b watchn the clock.
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Posted: January 1, 2014, 2:04 AM


Posts: 9
Joined: December 30, 2013



Looks like ur still having trouble. You made great decisions in avoiding relapse.
It is hard I know. Really hard for me because they are alway in my home due to the fact my hubby has yo take them for his back!
But when I catch myself thinking bout it ,I cut it off immediately! Don't wanna be in this withdrawal state anymore. Feeling great for an hour is not worth a day of struggle.
Keep up the good work.
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Posted: January 1, 2014, 2:40 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



oh yes.thanks.i felt good bout my decisions today.went through great lengths to avoid those pills and people today.resting and getting better.
no OTC meds anymore either.several cups of chamomille tho and cannabis
stayn positive.
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Posted: January 1, 2014, 6:44 PM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



I was just hoping by day6 i would be farther along in feeling better.still have runny nose.still forcing myself to move.trying to eat and drink more.trying to move around more but still making a mess around the house.which i find rather amusing cause thats not my style.even strung out on perc30s im quite organized.but feeling like this im only half of what i was so everything is done half way.oddly enough strung out on pills i was only a fraction of myself but i kept everything in order for mainly appearance.during my withdrawals i basically secluded myself and focused on my positive goals which leave no room for slipups and requires me to meet new people.i dont like people in general and knowing mostly people who no longer share my ambitions creates an anchor.ive been a drug addict for 15 years off n on of course on various substances.so im familiar with differnt addicts/dealers etc.i hate to say it but whenever im clean or even using for recreation before the use becomes regular i feel as if im better than they are.i know xactly whats n their head then compare and contrast between theirs and mine clean.bluntly thats the feeling im needing and wanting back.i got things to do and goals to chase and sniffn perc30s can destroy everything im trying to accomplish.thats why im here.i want to better.and thinking back everytime you truly honestly wanted something you got it.
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Posted: January 3, 2014, 12:46 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



i made it to day7.have more energy.eatn and drinkn more.still a persistent cough sore throat runny nose the basic flu symptons.still havn body temp changes frm hot and cold and night sweats...notas bad but still there.gona try sum thera flu tonight.hopefully it ll help me sleep better.remaining optimistic.keeping focused on positive goals.yes evrryday is slowly getn better.doing more housework. that makes me feel im makn progress.its getn easier to move around without forcing myself.one day ata time and this day is winding down and ready for the next one.
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Posted: January 4, 2014, 9:15 AM


Posts: 69
Joined: December 26, 2013



day9 and still counting.i know that soon i ll stop countn the days and will have to pause for a moment to think back how long ive been clean.makn good progress.the flu like symptons are subsiding but persistantly staying with me.runny nose,sore throat,congested lungs and nasal passages(how surprising).day by day makn it back to where i should be.eating and stayn hydrated.getting more chores done,being more active.im aware im always gona want drugs and in the back of my head cravings will always be there.all in all im ok with that.honestly, if a person could do a drug to make life easier and have no negative impact on family, friends, and oneself,wouldnt "you" do it?its so easy to sniff whatevr pill i want to get the feeling i want whenever i want.But thats not really livng,now is it?its more like slavery to a substance.there is no freedom there.only a little blue pill barking orders inside my head.humans are creatures of habit.only way to break a habit is to replace it with another.thats what im doin.reaching the top is easy.its the ability to maintain and stay there is the main challenge.none of us are perfect but the strive for perfection is the whole idea of waking up n the morning and proceeding about the day.stayn positive and stayn focused.sleep patterns are still horrible with hot and cold sweats but those are slowly going away as well.i am getting better.
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Posted: January 4, 2014, 10:11 AM


Posts: 6119
Joined: May 27, 2005



Are you going to meetings or therapy? No, hon, the cravings will not necessarily always be there. I haven't craved anything in years. It's all about changing your life style. Drugs or alcohol just don't fit in but we have to learn how to live without them. We can't do that without help and guidance.

--------------------

१२ स्तैप्पैर!


kat11100@comcast.net

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town

Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor.

user posted image
  Top
Posted: January 4, 2014, 10:19 AM


Posts: 9
Joined: December 30, 2013



Glad to here you are still going.
Day by day and it will get better. Work for me the last two days and it was ok. Caught myself thinking bout it more st work to take ppills just because my energy level is not what in used to but I made it and gonna relax this weekend.
Hopefully by Monday it flu symptoms will be gone for good.
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