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How Many Peple With Partners Who Use?
Posted: July 22, 2013, 9:38 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Im just curioious. How many of you deal with a partner (or ex partner) who is an addict too? Any tips for staying strong in those situations? Thats whaty led me to relapse this time. I knew better and fooled myself into thinking I could handle being arounf my ex when he was actively using, and for almost 4 yrs I did handle it, or least I thoughjt I did.

It makes it so much harder when its someone important in your life to just cut them out. Ive been clean 12 days and hes already tried contacting me. He gives me the 'ole ~Im so happy your clean again, Im so prooud of you~ crap. It plays weith my head.

I ~know~ what it is I really need to do to protect my clean tyime, but Im not going to lie its tough. I would love to hear from others in similar situations and hear what you did (do) to handle it.

Thanx!

:)

Morgan
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 9:52 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: April 23, 2013



Hello hnd My fiance and I are both addicted to pain pills. We quit together 3 months ago and thankfully we seem to be getting through. I will say this if he didnt quit with me we never would have made it it is 10 times harder to quit when someone else is right there in front of you doing it. Just wanted to share my expierience with that topic!
Much love,
Sodone
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 9:58 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Thanks for th3e answer sodone! Its so true that if one is clesn and one isnt, its nearly impossible. The thing my friends and family get extra mad at me for is this is my ~ex~ so they always say I dont need to be in contact wirh him anyway, which is probably true. We had a verrrrry dramatuc relationship and I think both of us were (are) addicted to our drama and the cat n mouse games.

I need to let him go. Ive not been respoinding to his messages, which has been very hard. Hes trying ini his dysfinctional way to be supportive of me, but its hard toi accept his words knowing hes still using. Sometimes too hell give me advice which ,makes me mad. Yes hes gotten clean before so he has that experience but I dpnt think hes in any place to be giving ~me~ advice when hes still using. Make sense?

Anywayhs, thanks for the post. Glad to know I,m not the only one!
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 10:08 AM


Posts: 838
Joined: January 24, 2010



I started dating a fellow when I was 5 months clean (not my first time at 5 months so I thought I had alllllll the answers) and we fell hard for each other. After A couple of weeks I finally told him I was an addict, and everything else that might make him run (seeing if he was the kind to stick around when times got tough I guess) He accepted it all. Then a week later he told me had something to tell me. We lived in different cities so yes we did see each other but communicated mostly by phone and txting at this point of our relationship so I wasn't around a lot at this point and might have noticed him using. he told me he was in active addiction...using MY doc. I went silent and didn't talk to him for over an hour...of course we was kind of freaking at the other end of the texts. I needed time to think about this and if I responded right away I would have freaked im sure.

I eventually responded back saying im in to deep now and that I won't preach to him but would be there when/if he wanted to quit. I seriously thought he was my soulmate. hadn't responded to anyone like him before. Never dated an addict either!!!! well fast forward....a couple of months. We were at his place and it was 11pm and we were having a get together for a friends bday...I yawned and said I was tired. He called me an old lady and I said (out of nowhere) give me a pill and we'll see how old I am....that pill was in my hand in 3 seconds and down my throat in 1. I felt at that point, can't beat you so i'll have to join you

Lets just say it was drug addled night. We stopped seeing each other because of the guilt he felt and me knowing id really eff up if I stayed.

He has since gotten clean and we talk. I'm glad he got clean. I just know now that I can't be with someone using. This is just my story and how I feel

This post has been edited by foggyeyes on July 22, 2013, 10:12 AM

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You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-)
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 10:12 AM


Posts: 25
Joined: September 21, 2011



My husband and I used together. Started when I told him I was tired of the depression and he handed me one of his pills saying it would make me feel better. That was the beginning of a nine year run with me. During those years I tried several times to get clean and I wasn't able. He had medical problems and needed some of the scripts for pain, not every script though, doctors were over prescribing him. For me I found it impossible to stay clean and continue to live with him. Probably some people who can. Him and I separated three years ago and then six months later he had passed away. He had a heart attack. But during those years with him I had watched him overdose three or four times. I have been pill free for almost three years now.

I wish you the best of luck, stay strong.
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 10:16 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Oh wow, thanx for sharing that! What an unfortubate situation!

Its so amazing how quickly we just swallow the pill or pick up the bag isn't it? Like not a hestitation. Im learning that Im powerless over drugs. Theres no more ~just once~ for me, there's no ~dabbling~. Im either using or I,m not, simple as that.

I know one of the first things I learned at an NA meetonig was that the ~last~ thing an addict should do is hook up with another addict. I kinda scoffed at that cuz at the time my ex and I wwre still together. Boy was I wrong. were toxic to each other.

I tell you~Im learning that I cannt second guess addiction. Its more cut and dry than I thought it was. Ive went thru stages of trying to ~dig deep~ and figure out how I ended up here. In the end, thatg doesnt matter nearly as much as what I,m doing to stay clean. Crazy.
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 10:23 AM


Posts: 838
Joined: January 24, 2010



I did date another addict, sorry, he was in recovery and yes, I met him in my first year at an NA meeting....just a couple of months actually. He had a few years so he fought it at first but once my teeth were sunk in. It ended of course but on good terms.

Its just a time we need to focus on ourselves. I don't take my clean time for granted anymore. Its taken me 3 years to this 31 days in. A lot of lessons learned but like most I do it MY way first, many many many times and 9 times out of 10 my way doesn't work.

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You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-)
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 10:35 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Oh wow lizz. Thats an incredible story. Its just so sad because were losing two things, our ~loves~ and our drugs. Its proibably rare that a couple who used together can successfuly stay together and stay clean. I sure it happens, but I know it isn't a good idea.

Thank you boith for sharing your stories with me. It does help me to feel like Im not alkone with that. Not everyone understands how hard it is. Its such a mind battle. I fooled myself for 4 years, convinced I was poerfectly able to be around him without any temptation. Silly me.

I think I need to cut him out of my life completely. Its not going to be easy but I have to do ~me~ and I cannt ewith him sitting on thr sidelines.

Im ready to finally actually listen to peples advice, people who have more clean time under their belt and who ~did~ make the changes they needed to stay clean. Ive been hearing them all these years but not listening. Now its time to listen. Obviously what Ive been doing hasnt worked for me. Time for a new game plan.
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 8:48 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Ignored all communicationd frm the ex today! Yay for me! Baby steps!
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Posted: July 22, 2013, 9:21 PM


Posts: 10
Joined: July 21, 2013



Hopesndreams: As difficult as it may be, it might be easier in the long run for you to delete his number or better yet change yours. My boyfriend is in recovery for a year and 2 months and on day 15 he decided that was the best bet, this way he had no temptation to contact and of his old dealers and they had no way to contact him. So far it has worked!
Congrats on your recovery and good luck to a road of success!!
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Posted: July 23, 2013, 9:26 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: July 15, 2013



Thanks for the reply and I know your right, itas just not easy. Im working my way toward that!
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