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First Post-i Think I'm In Trouble
Posted: December 6, 2012, 7:55 PM


Posts: 6
Joined: December 6, 2012



Hello all,

I have been reading the posts for a few days & it has been very helpful. I have done all sorts of pain pills but never thought I was an addict cause I never touched coke, or shot dope, or did meth but boy was I wrong. My main combo was vic"s & somas. Another stereotype I had, I held down a good paying job, owned a home @ 26, drove a nice car, was into martial arts, & worked out 6 days a week. Nobody really knew of my problem, on the outside it all appeared good. It wasn't, I was popping 30 Vic's a day & 20 somas a day. This has been going on for close to 15 years, there were times I was clean for 6 months, maybe a year the most but always went back. I took other stuff when I ran out, morphine, codeine, flex's, Molly's, clearly I am an addict. Still I carried on, found the girl of my dreams, she moved after a year & I was on top of the world, I never used around her, until she found a bunch of pill outlets on my computer that I was ordering from & she was moved out within the day. I was stunned. I took 50 somas, 25 Vic's & my father found me on my kitchen floor. I was rushed to the ER & somehow lived. Now the cat is out of the bag, my mother flew in from out of state, they took me to a NA meeting, I'm tapering off, I handed everything over to my father & I'm down to 4 & 4 a day. I don't want to go into detox or rehab because of work, I'm in sales & big part of my salary is commission otherwise I would take the time off.....I feel so lazy, weak, heart has been fluttering, sweats, & I'm heart broken. What next? I'm afraid. I also abused numerous steroids which I also came off about a month ago. Def not helping.
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Posted: December 6, 2012, 8:31 PM


Posts: 766
Joined: June 25, 2005



Hang in there buddy. In my very humble opinion, I'd contend to stop all together right now. In my experience, you're prolonging the agony. It's not that much more acute than what you're experiencing now. Take the day off tomorrow or/and Monday and detox over the weekend. If you're in good shape, you'll be fine by day 4. My last go around before I quit a month ago, I was up to 60-70 pills a day and stopped CT. Honestly, I was OK by day 3. I certainly wasn't frolicking in the meadows or doing cartwheels but was able to take my kids to their sports, have friends over etc. I played semi pro hockey and still play at elite levels so completely understand and empathize with your position. Lucky for you, you understand the importance of exercise and likely can get your a** out the door by day 2-3, it'll speed up the process 20 fold. Forget about all the other stuff for now and concentrate on not putting pills in your mouth. You have zero chance with pills, that we know. Your relationship at least has a fighting chance if your pill free. I wish you the very best. If you stop tonight, this time next week, you'll be uber happy.

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"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
#99
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Posted: December 6, 2012, 8:56 PM


Posts: 6
Joined: December 6, 2012



Thanks for your reply, & you are prob right, but I don't want to stop, I feel empty when I'm sober, I feel alive & talkative when I'm high. & if I do stop, I'll start using steroids & be in the gym 3 hours a day, clearly not a healthy answer. I have read the bible, gone to meetings, I just don't get it.
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Posted: December 6, 2012, 9:27 PM


Posts: 32
Joined: October 26, 2012



welcome....you found an amazing place to come! honestly if it wasnt for some of the replys i got i probably would of started using again. its going to be a hard road but trust me its a fight worth fighting. i felt just like you...im sure alot of us have. the pills made me feel the same way. i was a different person on the pills. thought i was on top of the world and could do anything. but i can tell you now my life without them is a million times better. i was so scared that i would never get my life back never be happy or as free spirited as i was on the pills but after the first week things started to look so much better. its 50 days i believe and its weird its actually hard for me to keep track lol you can be the person you want to be and honestly i bet youd like the sober you better. you have to want it tho. if you arnt truely over it you wont stop and things will keep going and you could end up either dead or in jail ( depending on how your getting them) just pointing the obvious. if you need anyone to talk to we all can give you our advice. you may not like what you hear at times but we all want to help you in your fight to recovery. if you need anyone to talk to let me know.
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 2:58 AM


Posts: 766
Joined: June 25, 2005



I hear you. I really do. You'll find after some time, and not much time either, that you're just as talkative and more engaged than when your using. I started hating how talkative I'd be when I took pills. Sabotaged so many conversations.
Free yourself from those chains brother. The pills and behavior are unsustainable anyway.

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"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
#99
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 5:54 AM


Posts: 6
Joined: December 6, 2012



Thanks guys, your words help, I need to get a support group, the only people I hung out with the last 15 years are also addicts, I don't even know how to act normal. Sometimes I think, screw it, just go out on a high note & never return. Seems easier.
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 10:12 AM


Posts: 766
Joined: June 25, 2005



Easier is never better.

You know once you're void of these pills, genuine happiness is profound and possible.

Put the work in brother, it's worth it. Then, unfortunately, you need new friends.

I'm pulling for you. Make today the day those chains come off. My wife and many of her friends' morning sickness during pregnancy was exponentially worse than withdrawal. It's just a few days of discomfort. Not much to pay for freedom. 15 years of dope to a few days of discomfort is a steal.

--------------------
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
#99
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 10:41 AM


Posts: 703
Joined: August 11, 2012



Welcome! If nothing changes nothing changes. You will ony have to feel bad for about a week. It can be done and it would be the best thing to do for yourself. Imange no longer having to worry about pills. You can also try na online they have meetings and alot of good people there. Best wishes
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 11:59 AM


Posts: 6
Joined: December 6, 2012



Again all your words are correct, I have gone CT quite a few times off of 40-50 pills a day, I know all about withdrawal. I went to NA, it's just not clicking for me, any of it. Maybe I'm in the wrong place, I don't know.....
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 3:25 PM


Posts: 766
Joined: June 25, 2005



NA certainly doesn't work for me but there are other options.

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"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
#99
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 4:42 PM


Posts: 232
Joined: October 24, 2012



I love AA and love love love PA (pills anonymous) because you can talk about all of this in PA!

I'm at day 44 and also did CT. It can be done and although it IS going to suck in the beginning, you just have to believe others when they tell you it gets better and if you stay clean and sober there will come a day you will be free and joyous.

Just one day a time for right now and I agree to jump off now while you have the willingness.

Kerry
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Posted: December 7, 2012, 6:17 PM


Posts: 55
Joined: November 24, 2012



Boy! do I hear your pain. No one noticed? One person did - you.
You say you don't have time for recovery, detox , treatment - can't remember all the excuses I used, but they were similar.
"I'll just cut down, I'll taper off, I can stop any time but not right now, cuz I'm busy, or someone might find out"

Just go to detox, start there and life will happen

Right now I am about 11 days drug free and I am fighting for my life here.
Fight for yours, you are worth it!
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Posted: December 8, 2012, 1:20 AM


Posts: 6
Joined: November 27, 2012



Oh, those Soma's are bad, bad news. I used to abuse them when I couldn't get opiates. When it was at it's worst, I got into 5 car accidents in less than a years time. I was very lucky I didn't kill anyone but I ended up with two broken ankles, had to have surgery, and three months in a wheelchair.

When I was abusing opiates, I felt sooo good. Like you, talkative, outgoing, etc. But really no good can come of it, you know this already. I think you are at the point where you could go C/T, get it over with. You've been thru it before so at least you know what to expect.

As for AA/NA, it helped me a little in the beginning but it never clicked for me long term and I did try, many times. You know, you can always go to outpatient treatment after work. You know you need the support so you are more than halfway there, make a commitment to give it a good try! You need to talk about how you are feeling and then you get the face to face with others like you.

This post has been edited by NYSnurse on December 8, 2012, 1:22 AM
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Posted: December 8, 2012, 1:45 AM


Posts: 6
Joined: December 6, 2012



The somas are def bad news, I have been lucky & I am making excuses, I'm an addict thats what we do best. ):
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Posted: December 12, 2012, 2:42 PM


Posts: 168
Joined: July 4, 2012



I just read your post and something really stuck out......Right now I am about 11 days drug free and I am fighting for my life here.

You know that's a choice.It doesn't have to be like that and I get sad when I read those things because they can be easily changed.One or two NA meetings is not going to do it.You need to go there every day,share your pain and get honest....with everyone.That's where your recovery will start.I'm not down playing your 11 days but you have a lot of excuses and few solutions.What will happen is if you don't make a change,the day will come where you will say to yourself,"What the f***,one little pills not going to hurt".Then the cycle repeats itself except this time it will be exponentially worse.

Coming off steroids can cause major depression.I'm an athelete although now my age has certainly been a major player the last two years because I'm pushing 58.I still surf,old school Longboard,work out but with light weights,quit the mountain biking and running because my knees are jello.I had to quit skiing because of my knees also.

You are going to have to go slow with the exercise.You don't have all those synthetics in you.I loved working out on Percocet with half an Adderal.Yeah,it's different now but I still have some fantastic workout at the gym and it does release the endorphins you need.I'll bump up a thread on what's happening to you.It would take too much time to explain it.
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Posted: December 14, 2012, 12:55 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



AA/NA isn't for everyone..but this is what I tell them. You don't know until you know. And you can't know by going once or twice. Or even a couple of weeks.

Work the steps with a sponsor and then you get to have an opinion.

Sorry, just the way I feel. Too many excuses equals relapse. You have to be willing to do whatever, WHATEVER it takes. Period. Keep driving the bus and you'll continue to be all alone, fighting a disease that you can't cure.

You so deserve the help that's out there.

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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Posted: December 15, 2012, 8:40 AM


Posts: 168
Joined: July 4, 2012



Although I'm a pragmastic,I know NA and AA aren't for everyone.As Lisa stated,they are at least free and some types of these programs are NOT free.

Therapy and CBT cost money and most addicts coming in don't exactly have a lot.Sometimes you just have to leave your pride and ego outside the door and just listen.For me,the program is the really about the message and not about all the myriads of personalities.There are some f***ed up people in the program and I can't tell you how many times I've been burned.

It's like I don't loan money because that suggest you're going to be paid back.If I have any extra cash,I consider it a gift.

Because it doesn't click with you immediately maybe try listening with different expectation's or even writing down why you don't like it.

Bottom line.....your way is not working.It might be time for a change.
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Posted: December 15, 2012, 10:07 PM


Posts: 766
Joined: June 25, 2005



I'm being irresponsible in saying NA doesn't work for me. You're right, I never gave it a good enough chance and it works for countless addicts and many of my own friends. I decided to go another route albeit similar, just rather hide my identity in my city.
Either way, you can't wait around to get better, you have to be proactive and diligent in your recovery no matter what path you take.

This post has been edited by flipperbaby on December 15, 2012, 10:09 PM

--------------------
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
#99
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Posted: December 23, 2012, 2:50 AM


Posts: 5
Joined: December 23, 2012



I completly understand all your saying!!! Im 70 days clean today....talk about life thro clean eyes!! Its sooo much better. And myself as well felt like i was more fun, talkative, deff entergetic when i used pills. And when i started outpatient treatment , i also started suboxene clinic. Which i am blessed for. I have nooo cravings and when i have a trigger, it helps. And when i first started the NA fellowship...i thought, yeep, not for me. But i had to go bc of my treatment. Now, i want and love to go. You have soooo many options on what you can do. And ur not going to quict til your ready. Your enviorment and friends has to b healthy. Find a sponser. Give drugs up for 24 hrs. Go to a meeting and get a white key chain, it helps. Get numberss for sober support. Go get coffee w them. Talk to pple, tell them your story. Get a NA book. It helped me sooo much. You can download it for free online. And, alcohol is a drug!!! Dont change a pill for a drink or a joint. Im just trying to tell you what hhelped me. Give NA a chance. It teaches you to love you and life wo drugd. I promise, you have nothing to loose by trying. Only a new life to gain. Go to a meeting everyday for 2 wks, get numbers and it will happn. Dont be afraid to ask!! Were all there for the same reason, and we love you. 13 years of drugs, 70 days clean. Im 26. My life is just starting
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Posted: December 23, 2012, 9:23 PM


Posts: 32
Joined: November 9, 2012



I had that fog too and felt very apathetic until a few days ago (im at day 21). I felt no emotion except sorry for myself but it has faded. I am also noticing more creativity and my sharpness/cleverness coming back. U got this because if u dont then the pills will have u. I guarantee u that u r not performing at your peak mentally,socially,physically, even sexually on opiates. Once u get to the point where u realize this (for me it was around 18 days clean) then u will be grateful u kicked that BS.
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