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Posts: 5
Joined: May 28, 2013
Posted: May 28, 2013, 12:58 AM
Hello all,
I have been reading here for some time but I need to post! I am going through w/d, not really serious; I’ve been through worse so I won’t bore you with details. Depression by far the worst. I confess I don’t have any answers, and I do want help, but meetings aren’t an option for me and I am afraid you will blast me for that. I live in a remote area not accessible by road. There are meetings here, but there is nothing private about them. Everyone knows who goes. There are only a couple of NA, and the AA people don’t really like the NA people going. Regardless, I cannot jeopardize my job, as I am a highly paid and in a fairly high profile position in healthcare (not nursing, administrative). Please don’t condemn me, but I am a mess inside and my job is all I have. I am not an alcoholic, but have a felony dui from 8 years ago, and my boss knows, but any new thing would lose me my job, and there is no way I can do that. I could never get another job like this one with my history, and I know that, as that is my line of work. I have few friends and no one I could confide in. No one knows, as when I use, I am just more energetic, get work done and am known for helping others. I am very sure of that. I have a chronic stomach issue, so when I am not using, my 2 friends and fellow employees think I am just a bit ill with that. I do not drive due to my past dui, and being alone is tough. I am extremely private, very isolated and alone. Can’t just go for a drive, etc. I have looked for online meetings but haven’t found anything really. Can anyone recommend one? I do want to go to meetings, I know the value. I am not kidding myself or in denial, but me going to any meeting isn’t possible. My use is sporadic; never illegal, but only because I wouldn’t know where to go, I’m sure if it fell in my lap I’d pay. My doctor prescribes 20 mg oxy 2x/day. 120 at a time which is supposed to last 2 months and lasts about 3-4 weeks. I never go ahead of time, and I know I need to tell him, but I know I won’t. I’m just hoping to get the strength to not go back. I want to go to a counselor, also terrified to do that due to my job. Don’t even mention HIPPA, it doesn’t exist. Not here, nor is treatment if I want to keep my job. I’m not exaggerating. If I wasn’t so scared I would tell you where I live, but I can’t risk that… Any online ideas? CT | ||
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