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Posted: September 6, 2016, 11:12 PM
So I relapsed this past weekend on heroin and alcohol. I'm so upset with myself. I've been in a.a. for three and a half years. I didn't develop an addiction to heroin until last year. The really messed up part is I got pregnant shortly after. I even used a couple times while I was pregnant which is really hard for me to admit. I thought the alcohol was bad. I thought I'd never be as addicted to anything else in my life like I was alcohol. Heroin I feel like as soon as I tried it I feel like I stepped into hell and I'm still not sure how to get back. I feel like its got a hold on me. I hadn't used in almost a year and then I got some hardcore cravings and I caved. I was hoping to hear from other people who have used. I need to feel like I'm not alone.
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: September 7, 2016, 1:56 AM
You're not alone. I've been on and off the dope for God knows how many years...did 9 years on methadone and managed to put my life together and stay clean...I got jumped off in April...monkey screaming and I can't put it down. ..been clean a stretch of all of 28 days since...I'm attending meetings as well...hoping to find my way back out...it's a struggle. ..frustrated and angry ..but still using...got to want it deep down....
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Posted: September 7, 2016, 7:09 AM
I tried to quit 2x's with suboxone & subutex. The first time I quit it was for 2weeks. The next time I was in rehab for a couple of days. After I used 4 yrs straight.Then i quit cold turkey .I once thought drugs were my savior because I was great at being a "junkie". I've been clean 69 days and things are easier. I still have thought about using on a few occasions but I have not given in . If you get clean and decide stay clean you have to really want it .
My friend is a recovering addict (he had a 20yr+ addiction) he has 6yrs+ clean. It took him over 10x's and many different rehabs to get clean from crack... he once told me "Maybe you werent ready to get clean yet, but just try getting clean again to see how you feel. if u don't like it you can go back to doing drugs, but it helps to atleast try to fight your addiction. Dont just give in and give up." Please don't give up . It's a hard road. Just keep fighting . It may take a couple rounds until you knock drugs out for good . | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: September 7, 2016, 7:32 AM
I like what Mel B says in his book WALK IN DRY PLACES.
When the going gets tough we "redouble our efforts" .... When I feel stressed/tempted/weak I pray more, get to more meetings - and most important I try to help others more (get out of ME). What does your sponsor suggest you do? What does your home group oldtimers say? All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: September 9, 2016, 5:54 AM
Hi
Got the same problem, although my heroin addiction is only a few weeks now. I cut right down, very fast, from 3.5 grams a day to 0.05 by the forth, then went n made the biggest mistake ever, DO NOT USE SUBOXONE until u know your body is completely clean of the heroin. Some say 24 hours, some to as long as 72 hours. I made the mistake of using 0.05 grams to using a suboxone tablet around 14 hours later, well, suffice to say, the biggest mistake I've ever made. Going cold turkey, from my point of view, is far easier than taking suboxone, I went from feeling uncomfortable to the most dire place ever in my life, that included 5 years of war n a couple of very serious injuries, which, of course, led to my morphine addiction. I never even considered drugs as an alternative, heyho, sometimes it's beyond our control. I say to you, right now, I'm back to cold turkey, not nice, but as long as you don't have a massive habit, is handle able, just bite the bull it, will only mess with you for about a week, then you are home dry n clean. Good luck, if u need some moral support, reply, and I'll do and say what I can to help u. I live on an island north of Scotland and there are no dealers here, that helps, but like I said, one week out your life is nothing compared to a life of misery. All the best | ||
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Posted: September 9, 2016, 6:01 AM
Ps, your friend is a liar, crack addiction lasts until u go to sleep and when u wake, there are no symptoms of turkey at all, just the call of the crack pipe, got the t shirt, so I know, it's as easy as pie to get off crack, staying off is another matter. It's will power, don't be fooled, there is no cold turkey from a crack pipe!!! Good luck and continue to live clean, the way we all should live
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: September 9, 2016, 7:58 AM
Hey all...
WQ...good way to look at it...as always. ..thanks for the kind words... PB... sponsor dude says maybe time to go to rehab...he might be right. .. Wayne... Any better ? Hope you're out of the sub nightmare ... .ya...smack is what it is....done meth...and pretty much everything else if I think about it...but its always dope...opiates for me...how's the detox going ? | ||
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Posted: September 11, 2016, 4:31 PM
Hey Constatine
I'm not doing well at all. I need a question answered. The last time I took suboxone, I mean as a day to day med, was around two months ago. I have now purchased a bit of methadone, still to arrive, and, because of its long term half life, when can I be sure a quick meth detox is possible, like u, a vet, we are pretty hard men, I'm scared of nothing, except cold turkey. I've dropped my smack use to almost nothing, but still go turkey when I try to totally abstain. I want to take meth for about 4 -5 days and hope it will be enough, except for a small turkey, to go on. How long does a suboxone/bupranophine kick off take. Like I said, unless for that one stupid attempt to use suboxone with naloxone in it, which drove me to the point of jumping off a building, but got kids, would be a horrible legacy. So, again, how long does a suboxone turkey last, the last thing I want is to kick the smack, just to go, after the quick meth detox, back into a suboxone cold turkey, help an old guy out brother, always be in your debt. Cheers bro | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: September 11, 2016, 11:44 PM
G morning wayne..
5 days of methadone should get you through. .That or a handful of codien and a bottle of jack...there's no way round the dope rattle. ..methadone will substitute. ..but your gonna feel it after the methadone is done....same w subs...if your only taking either one to help with the kick...your weaning off the dope and not using alot so that should help too...only good news is by 3rd day the deep rattle is letting go. ..take whatever you can for pain and grab bucket and blanket. ..and battle buddy if you got one. ..drink water...do the methadone to function if you need...be safe..from what I hear sub is like methadone as far as the kick...you don't want to go there if you don't need too. ..it's a long long hard kick....do the 3 to 5 days... This post has been edited by constantine on September 12, 2016, 12:18 AM | ||
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Posted: September 12, 2016, 12:31 AM
Morning Con
Thx for the advice. My problem with the suboxone is that it also has naloxone in it, making it impossible to use to kick off, I just go into a severe rattle. What I'd like to know, I've been off the suboxone for a couple months now, God only knows why I started using smack. After the amount of time I've been off suboxone, round two months, will the rattles from that have gone, I was 8mg bupranophine and 2mg naloxone in the pills. I was on them for about ten years. I don't figure these doctors, there must be a way round a rattle, induced coma or another kind of pill. If I could just go straight back onto my suboxone I would, but there's no way I'm going to go through what I went through last week again. My rattle wasn't too bad at the end of the first day, if I hadn't have tried a suboxone I'd probably be done now. So again the question, after around 2 months of no suboxone, is it gone, or am I gonna rattle on that as well as soon as I stop the meth after 5 days or so? Thx for your help pal, means a lot 💀 | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: September 12, 2016, 1:20 AM
Ahhh...I see..ya..I would think your done with the sub wds....so no worries there....you know you've got to be at least minimum 7days with no opiates in your system if you use anything with the naltrexon in it ...subs I think you have to be in wds before you get on...check the sub board on that...methadone can be taken as soon as u feel it coming on...hell it can be taken while your using...just have to be careful of the dose to not od...I don't know as much about the subs...but after 2 months you should be good to go as far as wds...same with methadone. ..but I never took subs...doxepin. ..clonidine...naltrexon. ...lots of meds that can help...doxepin helped alot for me through the methadone rattle....and then again with the morphine and dope detox...ya...been one rattle after another. .not looking forward to this one now...naltrexon ...got to be done after wds and out of your system...no help in the rattle. ..
This post has been edited by constantine on September 12, 2016, 1:28 AM | ||
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Posted: September 12, 2016, 8:22 PM
I would suggest looking into treatment centers. I know on my first rehab trip, I did not know what to expect. I thought it was in a hospital setting and I was in a bed all day everyday. But it turned out to be a lot different than that. It was a great environment with people that actually care about your well being. From what I understand, most private insurances are accepted. I know of place that can help give you options on facilities. Sometime I felt like these facilities were pressuring me to come to theirs because they wanted my insurance money. But luckily I found a place that helped me locate a treatment facility based on WHY I was using. It was awesome, the therapists were able to pin point the underlying reasons on why this was happening and I so far I have been sober 8 months going on 9! I can share with you the information for the individuals I called for help. Not sure if it is appropriate to do so on here, but let me know. I will gladly do so.
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Posted: September 29, 2016, 5:20 PM
i have beeen sober for over a year and its so hard someone help me.
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Posted: September 29, 2016, 5:25 PM
im on methadone but want to lower my dosage and on xanax which keeps me calm but i want a life outside the family that somehow took me here does anyone out ther agree or ami just sick?
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: September 29, 2016, 5:57 PM
When you are ready to get clean/sober then AA/NA can/will help you.
All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 1, 2016, 12:11 AM
K...not sure what your asking...as for the sober part...if you've been on methadone for a year and its getting hard...try raising your dose. ..you'll feel better...
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Posted: October 4, 2016, 10:53 AM
Ok....Im gonna try to not be "that girl" here and say s*** everyone already knows and repeat a bunch of NA cliches for you but....
You wont quit until youre absolutely f***ing ready. You cant quit for anyone else or even because you think its the right thing to do. You gotta be real f***ing sick of that s*** and the life. Where is heroin taking you? A real dark and f***ing lonely path, thats where. Ive never read a story where anyone has regretted becoming sober... I started with oxycontin 11 years ago and was introduced to H by my then significant other. Did it once and the stigma was officially gone. The only thing I had to hang onto in my addiction was the fact that I chose to never try a needle...but that didnt make my addiction any less worse than the next guy. I lost more in the 4 years of doing heroin than my entire addiction combined. Went to an outpatient rehab program with suboxone and have been clean for 10 months now...2 weeks off of suboxone-was tappered off when the docs and I felt I was ready. Some withdrawal symptoms from coming off of subs but nothing that I couldnt handle. And now Im f***ing FREE. I can do real exciting s*** like sleep without an aid, and wake up without needing a fix to get my day going. I can do whatever the hell I want without worrying if I have enough bags to get me through. No more runs into the ghetto to meet up with my gang banger dealers. I feel like my eyes are finally open. Not until I came off the subs did I really realize what a crutch they were mentally. Lets not forget, the point of a suboxone program in rehab is to get you into a better mental state to handle coming off of subs because you do go through withdrawal and let me tell you, I was real f***ing depressed some days and also didnt sleep for an entire week but Im good now and Im happier than ive ever been. As I said before, I lost a lot to my addiction...I currently dont have a job, or a car, but I do have a roof over my head thanks to my biggest support of all, my best friend. Being sober and now off of subs I do find myself being really sad sometimes and dwelling on what I lost or dont have due to my addiction but then i remember, I have something I wanted so f***ing badly for an entire decade... I have my sobriety, I have my life back and all that other crap will fall into place. No more falling victim to my addiction. Sometimes motivation comes from knowing what you wanna be, and sometimes motivation comes from knowing what you never want to be again. Recovery is challenging but worth every second of the battle. Dont get too comfortable, stay aware of your darkest times in your addiction, stay aware of what it took you to get to your sobriety and dont for one second think you can do H once and youll be ok. You wont be..most likely your addiction will come back stronger than ever and eat you alive. If you can go to hell and look the devil in the face and make it out to see the sun, you can really do anything. : ) | ||
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Posted: October 6, 2016, 12:35 PM
once your on Heroin i heard its game over.
I have no idea why anyone would want to try it once even. Ive always been aware of this and thus never tried it. I suppose the I dont give a f*** attitude doesnt work woth heroin. | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 6, 2016, 1:20 PM
Dude...I'm beginning to wonder at your curiosity. ..he protests too much...
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Posts: 6
Joined: December 16, 2016
Posted: December 17, 2016, 12:21 AM
Hello
You are so not alone. Heroin is the devil's stuff and I can identify with feeling like it's got hold if you. Bit at the risk of sounding like I'm patronising or minimising your pain, I've got to say that it gets a hell of a lot worse. My addiction is now 5 years old and trust me when I say that it gets worse every day. Until i got clean recently I was only using a 20th of what I was using a few months ago. I was on 2g a day and got down to a bag, 0.1g or sometimes it was 2 at the most. But my ADDICTION was worse than ever even though I was using less. Please try your very best to get this sorted as soon as possible. I can't put across how much worse it gets. At the point you're at now I could cold turkey really easily and I did a few times off habits of 10+ bags a day. Now I can't cold turkey off of 1 bag. The physical withdrawals are awful but the mental part is impossible. The fear is completely debilitating. So even though I was only on a bag a day I felt the need to use subutex to detox. I used subutex for 5 days at very low doses. On day 5 I took 0.25mg. That was 2 Weeks ago and I had no withdrawal whatsoever apart from just not feeling particularly energetic or happy. But it's getting better with taking supplements and exercising. If you want to get off drugs for good I would forget AA and NA and any other recovery support group. All it does is keep uou focused on and thinking about drugs and addiction when you want to be as far from those things as possible! I used to be a big advocate of NA but I kept relapsing and wondering why. I should have listened to my initial instinct which was that I didn't like the meetings or the philosophy of the 12 steps. Firstly we are not powerless over our addiction. If we were powerless we would never make it to an NA meeting in the first place because the addiction would stop us from going. We are not powerless because, and I know a lot of NA people will get really pissed off when I say this but sorry about that, we are infinitely powerFUL and we use because we CHOOSE to. Yep. Sorry to say this but NA/AA is your addiction's dream. Lots of addicts getting together and talking about addiction and drugs. Makes me want to use even thinking about going to a meeting. They are depressing, counterproductive and dangerous imo. In NA we are required to accept that addiction is a disease. It's not a disease. It's not a symptom of a disease. It's behaviour that got out of hand and turned into a compulsion. In NA we are told that we are addicts and always will be and that our family is dysfunctional and that our families are enablers. Tbh and no offence meant, I've never met a sicker bunch than those who have been going to AA for a long time and are "sober". Really? They are feeding their addiction with something new that's all and that is the religion of AA. They'll tell you it's not a religion but it fits definition of a religion to a T. You are told that unless you go to AA for the rest of your life you will relapse. You are told that AA is the only way. You are also told that you must abstain a day at a time. What a cop out! What's wrong with actually saying "I'm never doing drugs again for the rest of my life"? Just for today? Why? It's like giving yourself over to the idea that relapse is inevitable. What's wrong with making yourself accountable to yourself and loved ones by saying "never again"? How on earth, if we believe in the 12 step philosophy, are we going to get clean when we don't have a mental defence against the first drink or drug and we won't get a defence until we have a spiritual awakening. But that is waaaay in the future going by AA standards because you have so much work to do before that happens. Work I must add that is very emotional and could lead one to drink or use because as they've said we don't have a mental defence. To believe in the AA way needs a lot of mental gymnastics and discarding of normal moral standarda. There is so much about NA that is soo wrong I could write ten thousand words on the subject. But this is long enough already and for that I apologise. There are other more positive and life affirming recovery systems such as smart recovery. You will quit when you are ready. Have a word with yourself and find out when you would like that to be. Just try to put everything you were told at AA out of your mind and start over. Please. I did this and I have got clean and I know I'll never use again. Contrary to the bs that AA says, recovery is not a process it's an event. You have an epiphany or a wake up moment whatever you want to call it. You know when you have it. And you can decide when that will be. Just try it out. What have you got to lose? Forget everything they told you at AA and decide when you want to get clean. Then do it. You don't have an incurable disease. You DONT have to spend the rest of your life sitting in damp church basements with people who pretend to have all the answers but clearly have none. You can recover when you choose to. I know it's gonna make you feel annoyed hearing that because AA says the opposite but what does your instinct say? Saying we have an incurable disease is just an excuse to relapse and a way to excuse bad behaviour caused by what is in effect extremely selfish behaviour and a victim mentality. Youre strong. But your addiction wants you to believe you're powerless. You're not necessarily always going to be an addict. You don't have an incurable disease. You can choose to recover at any time just as you first chose to use heroin. It's like being in an abusive relationship. Yes it's scary and it can feel like you can't get out. But you can get out and when you do you will realise that you could have made the choice at any time. Equate your addiction with an abusive partner and then consider just how you have been taught to believe that what the abusive partner is telling you is true when actually it's just a way of controlling you and making you stay in the relationship. You can do it. You really can. You just have to start believing in yourself again. Best wishes to you and everyone who struggles with addiction. | ||
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