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Posts: 1
Joined: May 28, 2015
Posted: May 28, 2015, 1:45 AM
My first experience with heroin was at the age of 16... I got caught and went to rehab my senior year of high school. I stayed clean for about a year and then was just using on the weekend. Yeah right. By 20 I was shooting at least 2 bundles a day. I went to rehab again but didn't learn anything. I stayed away from heroin my drug of choice for about 6 years but still did other drugs. In that time I had my son at 25 and I was totally sober while I was pregnant and so was my husband. After our son turned 1 we began using oxys on occasion. One day a close friend showed up at my door sicker that hell and knowing how that feels we lent him money and when he showed back up he brought dope with him and we couldn't resist. Since then we've been using everyday for almost 6 years. We lost our house and we are both living with our parents, for the last 2 years, who have no idea we're back on the dope. My son who is now 7 knows that mommy and daddy have problems but he is very angry because he wants everyone living together again. I love him with all my heart but we can't seem to stop not even for him. I know that I'm ruining his life but I just can't stop. No one in our families knows what's going on. He is so unhappy with us that he'll do mean things just to make us mad and then we want to use even more. I don't know what to do. I'm 32 years old and my life sucks. I'm so scared that my child will grow up to hate me( he has already said he hates us). I don't know what to do I'm sick of all this s*** and I just want what we used to have back but every time we try to quite we fail. My son doesn't even know the sober us and it's heart breaking. We fight over dope and we never used to fight. I'm loosing everything and I don't know where to start to fix it. Please someone point me in the right direction so I can save my relationship with my child. I need the strength and will power to stop but every time I try I fail. The depression and guilt I go through during withdrawal makes me use again because I feel so bad I just want to forget what I've done to everyone. please someone point me in the right direction
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Posts: 274
Joined: May 20, 2011
Posted: May 28, 2015, 6:01 PM
I can totally relate to you. The only difference is I would totally abandon my kids with my parents. My husband and I were homeless. I had to break up with him. I know that seems horrible and impossible but we would get sober on and off. We would get it together stay with my parents but we would always influence each other to go back out. Trust me it was not on purpose we loved each other but I could not stay sober and be with him. I know that is hard. I had to choose my kids or him and drugs. I choose my family. It still breaks my heart cause he went right back to being homeless now he is back in prison and wont be out for a long time.
You should tell your family the truth. I know that makes life hard. They lose all trust and start watching your every move. I felt like they were treating me like a child. I was angry and resentful. But I needed to be accountable. You might need to go back to rehab just to get away from your relationship and the drugs...tell your family. They probably suspect anyway. It will be better. Don't worry about your kid saying he hates you...they all do. And my kids are now 23, 21 and 18. The younger two still say it sometimes and my daughter ALWAYS throws this in my face whenever she is mad or cant get her way "You were never here for me! You choose your husband an drugs over me. You don't know what its like growing up with out a mom" and on and on she goes. I cant let that s*** get to me. I have apologized. I was here for her high school years. I'm the only parent that any of the kids think they can talk to. I can only do my best TODAY. I cant live in my past and I wont allow her to either. It DOES get better. I came home in 2007. Since then I have relapsed a few times. But I wouldn't stay there. I had to keep getting back up. I'm in a different place today. I want to live more then anything. I'm HIV positive (and that's ok the diagnoses probably helped save my life) from dirty needles or from prostitution. I don't know. I just know I want to live and be healthy. I want to be here for my kids. I've already missed too much Be open and honest with your family including your kid...they all know something is wrong. So tell them and tell them you need help. They will be there for you. | ||
Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015
Posted: August 10, 2015, 9:22 PM
Dopey Kate you sound just like me. I too need help and pushed in the right dire. I wish I had someone here with me so I can be honest with. It's too easy to lie to myself. I wonder if your sober now?/
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