| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: November 4, 2014, 11:41 PM
I've been with my boyfriend for going on 8 years now. I was 16 when we first started dating.
We quickly moved in with each other and wanted the fancier things in life. He worked full time and I graduated high school while working full time. At the time, we did occasional drinking with friends and smoked pot. I soon started college shortly after graduating high school and continued to work full time. We had everything we ever wanted, and was happy. I continued college for 2.5 years. About a year after starting college (nursing school), I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and prescribed Vicodin. I found that although the medicine made me a little nauseated, it gave me a sense of euphoria and energy. This is when my addiction to opiates began. I quickly discovered percocets, oxycontins and opanas. That quickly escaladed to heroin, partially because it was cheaper and more available, partially because my sister and her husband were dope fenes pushing the drug onto me to use me. Anyway my boyfriend realized I had a problem, but continued to use with me until he eventually became addicted. By this time, I'm getting ready to graduate nursing school and I failed my exit exams. In order to graduate, I needed to take a 10 week remedial class and retake and pass my exit exams. Halfway through my remedial classes, my boyfriends mom committed suicide by hanging herself and we found her. It was horrific, my boyfriend damn near lost his mind because of it. Times were hard, and that was just an excuse for me to use more. I ended up taking the quarter off from school to be with my boyfriend and his family. At the time, he was a veterinarian technician at an animal hospital, and his work gave a month off work to deal with her death. He returned to work the day after Christmas, and was so depressed that he stole liquid morphine, ketamine, and Valium to numb his pain. He was caught on camera, arrested, and charged w/ 2 felonies but placed on probation. At this point, we've burned damn near every bridge possible. We both lost our jobs, house, etc. But we still had each other, and our addiction. A few months passed, and we were staying w/ my friends mom, who by the way was a walking pharmacy and dipping into heroin here and there. I get a call from my mom, informing me that my father was murdered. I lost it after that, my world became very dark. I was able to find a job shortly after working in a nursing home, and made great money plus no drug testing. I thought I hit the jackpot. Money was my trigger. The more I made, the more I spent on dope. To hell with paying bills. A few months later, I caught my first charge. Although only misdemeanor, its significant when u work in healthcare. I didn't have to submit any additional background checks for work, but the petty charges continued to rack up. About a year and a half goes by, I'm still working and using everyday. My boyfriend continued to get probation violations for dirty drug screens, etc. On Christmas Eve 2013, my sister called the cops on him and had him arrested for his warrants, trying to "save" me. By the end of February 2014, I lost my job due to suspicion of my drug use that led to me dropping dirty. I lost everything in my life that I worked so hard for: my career, my job, my relationship, house, numerous cars to name a few. But I also lost myself in my years of addiction. In April 2014, I was admitted to the hospital and held for 72 hours for having suicidal ideations. By May 2014, I enrolled myself into intensive outpatient and prescribed Suboxen. I continued to use the week I was there due to my sister and friends still using in front of me and having absolutely no will power. On May 24, one week after starting my outpatient, I was on a dope run with a "friend" and he got pulled over. He had dope in his pocket, and no time to hide it. We were pulled outta the car with tasers pointed at us because he wouldn't stop digging in his pockets. They found the dope, needle, and can used for crushing it down and we were charged with felony possession. He got out after 2 months on a reduced bond, I however sat in there for another 2 months due to my family wanting me to learn my lesson. I was released after final sentencing and placed on parole for 3 years. My boyfriend got out of prison 3-4 weeks before I got out. When I got out, I attempted to move in with my sister who was shooting dope up right in front of me. It literally scared me, I was shaking. After 3-4 days, I moved in with my boyfriend and his dad. This was my safe haven. Things were going great, he was working full time as a roofer and I got a job in fast food. On October 12, I heard a big thump on the ground around midnight. I ran upstairs and he was dead on the ground, overdosed. I started CPR, screamed for his dad and called 911. I got him breathing with a pulse, but still unconscious when the cops come. They gave him 2 shots of Narcan before he came to. They searched his pockets, charged him for possessing a drug instrument, and took him to the hospital for observation. I bought him Suboxin and Subutex off the streets in hopes to detox him. Now I keep finding indicators that he's still using. Today I'm 164 days clean, but I'm still living with the struggles of his addiction. I've tried leaving, and physically restrained (not hit, just held down) to where I can't leave. I've asked him several times what he has taken due to nodding out, etc and he swears on everything, including my own life, nothing. I know that's the addiction lying, not him, due to his fears of me leaving, but I can't take it anymore. Anyone have helpful advice or inspirational quotes during my time of desperate need. I really don't want to relapse and I'm seeking helpful advice. -------------------- No one said it would be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it. | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: November 5, 2014, 9:20 AM
164 days is amazing! Get to a NA meeting. There are people who have been where you been who can help.
| ||
|
Posted: November 5, 2014, 1:05 PM
Thanks. Transportation is an issue at this time, I've been walking to/from work and don't live on a bus line. I attended NA while in jail and loved it.
-------------------- No one said it would be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it. | ||
|
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: November 5, 2014, 1:44 PM
Na world services 1-818-773-9999
Call this number and someone should be able to help you get a ride to a meeting in your area. Na has saved my life. I am very much like you! | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: November 9, 2014, 6:41 PM
miss Melissa,
wow sweetie, you have been through the ringer. But we all need to go through and do what we do before we want the help we need. It sounds like You have found that this isn't what you want nor how you want to live your life. As Girl says, NA is the place to be. In 1988 I went to jail too, arrested with a friend, who I wound up marrying 3 years later and my first trip to jail for possession, of $17.00 worth of heroin. Scared the C##p out of me. I attended every AA meeting in jail I could. Distance yourself from anyone and everyone you know who uses or you will be in trouble again before you know it. I am drop dead SERIOUS. Hang with people who have a good grip on staying clean, 90 meetings in 90 days they say. Good luck to you and come back to see us. granny PS HI GIRL, HOW ARE YOU???? CAN YOU BELIEVE CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE AGAIN????? -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |