| post replypost new topic |
Posts: 90
Joined: August 12, 2014
Posted: August 26, 2014, 3:09 AM
Am I doomed to ever find the right person and to be loved as a recovering addict?
Ever since I got clean my first time and especially now after my relapse I have always wondered if a can base a long life relationship with the addiction hanging over my head. I have read up on a few posts here, especially the ones where people has fallen for recovering addicts and how some say it will not be worth the trouble to stick around as it will only end up in pain. How am I to have hope that I will truly find that one love or should I just spare myself and realise that it will never happen? As I have opened up to a friend that has never taken a drug other than smoking weed on very rare occasions he has been as supportive as much as he can and know. When I recently opened up a little bit more and told him how happy I am that I found this site. Told him that on this site you get a page explaining how to prevent relapsing and just by reading the first step I came to realise I was in the first stage of relapsing. Also told him that this site has already helped me so much. Just by the little bit I told him his reaction told me he wasn't very much interested or that happy for me, he just went on with a whole different subject. I know I shouldn't expect much from people that doesn't understand an addict and I know emotionally at one point you have to cut your ties with people that keep relapsing into the same cycle. Knowing that I cannot hide this side of my life with the one that I end up sharing my life with but what if that person runs for the hills? Is it then really worth it to open myself up for a possible disaster? It just feels that its impossible to believe something so amazing can happen to a recovering addict. Who of you are in successful relationships that your partner knows your a recovering addict? Has it ever been held against you during your relationship? Please let me know it would be great to hear about everyone's opinion Thanks x | ||
|
Posted: August 26, 2014, 10:27 AM
Hi there,
Was reading your post and I am hoping to maybe give you my past experiences as well as my new ones. My past relationship did not go well first time round. My partner at the time was very against drugs and alcohol as her mom overdosed. So I could totally understand her hate behind it. At the end of the day, when you find someone that truly loves you they will stand by you and support you, and be proud of you for recovering. We all have it in us to relapse it is a choice we all have to make at one point or another. If the person in your life is willing to understand where you are from and where you are wanting to go, there should be no fear of them running to the hills. Also I believe relationships take time to build and form. Listening to how your friend behaved I feel he doesn't believe in the addition side of it as he has not experienced it seeing he has smoked on occasion. If this site is helping you, no one should have an influence on your thought pattern, or be able to imprint what their opinion is on how you recover. If it is working for you then people whom have your best interest at heart should support your decisions and choices no matter whether they believe it is right or wrong. If it works for you that is all that counts. I also had that fear of what if my next relationship turns out where they close the door on me even if its just a friendship. If they close the door they weren't worth having in my life. I recently slipped and I had made an extremely good friend in my ice skating coach, he shut the door on our friendship and judged my choices as much as it did hurt I came to terms with what choice he had made. At the end of the day it is there lose not yours. I hope this helped a bit and you sound like an amazing person there is someone out there for everyone, the best time it finds you is when you are not looking. | ||
|
Posted: August 26, 2014, 12:42 PM
Take my advice as someone who is on the other side of your situation: Always be honest. Always, always, always. When you're feeling good, when you're feeling bad, when you feel hopeless and helpless. And get into therapy. Figure out why you felt the need to use. No one can love you if you don't love you and even if someone tried, you wouldn't believe them. Did i mention you should always be honest? Not only with your partner but with yourself...
Good luck | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 26, 2014, 9:46 PM
Are you attending NA meetings?
-------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
|
Posted: August 27, 2014, 2:45 AM
Hi all
Thank you very much for all the advice I really do appreciate it. Reno: I do have that thing that if you can't accept me for me then it's your loss. I believe that honesty are very important. After how my friend reacted I decided that I won't mention to him again. This site has really helped just in the few weeks I have been here and am so greatfull for it. Thepain: Thank you also for giving your advice. The one person I really hurt through my addiction was my mother and when I was honest with her about this site she was so happy for me. Honesty are the best thing. Papabear: No I'm not going. I am scared they will tell me that I don't belong there as I have been clean for 3 years which probably won't happen. I have however looked at the NA meetings here where I am and they all are at night. Currently I can't go due to the fact that I am working almost every night but I am waiting to hear a job that I won't be working night shifts and then I will strongly think of going to one of the NA meetings. A friend of mine suggested if I am scared to go I should try and go see a psychologist. Salary based it's near impossible. I know it sounds like excuses but like I said I am working on it to take the next step from this site. For now this site is helping me and made me realise that I do need to take the next step, I must take the next step to really not go down the relapse path. I have big dreams and I don't want to relapse. Please keep me in your prayers, if I get this job after my interview on friday I can take the right steps for staying clean and making my dream come true Again thank you for the advice and the support x | ||
|
Posted: August 27, 2014, 10:40 AM
Hi,
You are welcome for the advise. You have done so well so far. Any you will be in my prayers for your job interview I am sure you will rock at it. | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: August 27, 2014, 7:44 PM
HI lily,
I know how you feel. For me, when I first started methadone for my heroin addiction I was so thrilled to not have to worry about where my next fix was coming from, where I was going to get the money...the list was endless it seemed. I wanted to tell everyone who'd listen how great methadone in recovery was. I thought, wow! why wouldn't anyone who is tired of opiate addiction not want to stop? It was so easy! At that time I didn't know the stigma surrounding methadone and the negative reaction I would get and still to this day ,20 yrs later, get. Since then I have become an advocate but I keep my recovery and being on methadone to myself for the most part. There are times when it's appropriate to talk about it and times when it's not. As the others before me have said, when you find someone who loves you it wont matter about your past but keep your addiction to yourself at first. No need to spill it all on your first date. While I taught my kids and am teaching my grandkids to be honest concerning most things I also tell them that honesty IS NOT always the best policy. If it is going to be harmful to someone or hurt their feelings just to make them feel better then I suggest keeping their mouths shut. But...as a general rule of thumb, be honest. You just don't have to do it right away. AA and NA highly recommend NO RELATIONSHIPS for the first year anyway. Focus on yourself getting better and having a good solid foundation of being clean or sober first. Then you may actually be able to contribute something positive to a relationship. So glad you like this site. Lots of GREAT people here!! Keep coming back!! granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
|
Posted: August 28, 2014, 10:01 AM
Hi all
Thank you again for all the advice. Yeah honesty is good but too much can cause destruction among some people. I'm not very open about my past addiction with many people and I probably won't be open to many more than those who already know. I was open and honest with a couple of friends in the past as I could see they were slowing tracking down that addiction path. I felt so good to give good advice and explain most their answers. To this day they are grateful that I chose to open up towards them and warned them of the worst possibilities. One friend went back out of curiosity only due to bad influence e that told lies about how everything has been sorted and how the person are sober now. After a couple of days my friend high tailed away knowing that it will not end very good especially from what I told her. I was proud of her for being so strong willed Even though I've been clean for 3 years now I am only now really getting to focus on the dreams I have for myself and where I want to be. Trusting and falling in love with another person has always been difficult for and with the addiction behind I just felt that it will just add to my list. Thank you all for giving me the hope that it would work x | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |