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Posts: 1
Joined: July 14, 2014
Posted: July 14, 2014, 9:32 PM
The sickness has passed, but the want for a "turn on" (injection) is killing me, i cant sleep its all i think about, all i want, just one last time. but i have stay clean to get into rehab which is a 28day programme with 2 yr aftercare as im off to college end of sept. so ive to be clean off tablets everything in two wks so im thinking just one more time, but if i do and my fella finds out hes gone and i lose my family everything. and coming off tablets at the same time its killing me, not sleeping and cant stop thinking about it. but i will fight it THIS TIME ive been trying for 2yrs but this time im serious i MEAN IT
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: July 16, 2014, 9:03 AM
Congrats! How are you doing?
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Posted: July 16, 2014, 11:33 AM
Thanks, cravings are very bad, my head is wrecked but thankfully i have good boyfriend who would KILL me if i used again so thats keeping me from scoring.... id love too but i WONT...
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: July 17, 2014, 8:44 AM
No matter what do not use! It will get better. Time is gonna be your best friend. Do you have a support group like NA/AA so you have other addicts to talk to? Hang in there i know it's hard but it will get better. Or if you use it could get worse.
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Posts: 33
Joined: June 24, 2014
Posted: July 19, 2014, 2:11 AM
You can do this. Congratulation. Continue the determination. A lot of us became clean. You too can definitely pass this. Goodluck to you.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: July 26, 2014, 4:45 PM
Ireland girl,
its been a week. How are you doing now??? -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posted: July 30, 2014, 2:38 AM
Don't do it, there's no such thing is one more time, I promise! Stay strong!
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Posted: July 31, 2014, 3:55 PM
I agree with "There is no one more last time"
I've done it for my last time 1000 times. You've got through the worst of the physical pain, draw strength from that to deal with the mental aspect. I don't know the prevalence of Narcotics Anonymous in Ireland but if you can, goto a meeting. They will teach you how to deal with cravings. | ||
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Posted: August 14, 2014, 2:49 AM
Hi
How is it going? You still keeping strong? It sounds like you have a boyfriend that really care for you very much and would like to help you through it. Keep on focusing on getting through each day with a goal even if the goal is just to put one foot in front of the other. Good luck and hope you are still holding strong | ||
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Posted: August 18, 2014, 10:45 AM
Hi
Have you read up on relapse prevention, it can help you to identify what your cues and triggers are. Preventing relapse it definatly worked for me. Stay strong as each day passess it will become easier and easier. Be sure to keep flushing the toxins out your body!! Plus, we are desparate for success stories - you can do it!! Best wishes Suspect -------------------- GOD SAVE BASS GENERATOR records. | ||
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Posted: September 9, 2014, 6:47 PM
I got out of treatment on 9/1. Today I am 27 days clean. I think I may be suffering from PAWS. I have been having great difficulty sleeping and have been very irritable. I find that my anxiety worsens at night around 10pm. Any thoughts are suggestions are appreciated. "Just don't pick up no matter what."
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: September 9, 2014, 10:13 PM
Get to a meeting..
All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 10, 2014, 8:23 AM
Congrats on 27 days! Yes, get to a meeting 90 in 90 days. It does get better.
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Posted: October 19, 2014, 8:21 PM
Today is day 7 of being clean. A few years a go I tried heroin for the first time with my ex who had an addiction for awhile and ended up getting clean with suboxen and help from me. Because I only did it a few times and her subs a few times I didn't realise the power of the addictive properties of heroin. I thought addicts had a mental disorder that made them addicts but a different girlfriend introduced me to heroin again a few years later. She said she was quitting and at first I was not doing it and trying to help her quit but I started getting stressed and weak after dealing with all her crazy addiction life style choices and started taking hits here and there until I realized she was not going to quit or be faithful with this addiction and left her.. Well after she was gone I told myself I was gonna get one last bag and let it go... Well when that bag was gone sure enough I felt the urge to do more and more to run away from my problems and new stress. In what feels like the blink of an eye me and a new current girlfriend are doing 8 balloons of good black each a day. We had no idea what it was doing to us, we didn't have money issues so we weren't running around on the streets like some other addicts we associated with, we never hit rock bottom, but everyone realised we were not hanging out anymore and losing a lot of weight plus I had started to get dope sick a few times but it felt kinda like a speed comedown which is nothing to me anymore cause I had a problem with that for awhile and relapses and lapsed quite a few times but that's another story... We never went "sick" for more than a couple hours before so we had no idea what we were in for to get to this day 7. I realized after 8 months I could not live like this. I had started smoking black tar out of a big glass bong with a titanium nail I heated up with a torch and this really raised my tolerance and had become all i did almost every hour smoking a balloon. I had a few scares... Past out once and fell down and f***ed myself all up and had started smoking so much I would get weak and feel like my heart was gonna stop and I was gonna die but that didn't stop me. What stopped me was thinking of the future and telling my parents. I told them and we made a plan. My girlfriend and I were supposed to quit cold turkey but after a few hours we had talked my parents into holding the drugs for us so we could wean down which we did but of course we had backups lol and a lot of them. We ended up switching back to smoking on foil to lower our tolerance and started smoking less. We lowered ourselves to 2-3 balloons a day and stalked up on nyquil, immodium, tagamet, alcohol, valerium root etc. Thinking that was going to help.. Lol we quit by 4:00pm last Sunday and by 11:00pm I was at the hospital flailing my arms and hitting myself in the head to feel a pain different than the withdrawal I felt. I couldn't stand being at the hospital so I said f*** it im getting some black and went back home and made my call and drank the rest of the fireball whiskey I had.. Luckily I passed out somehow with the nyquill, alcohol, Tylenol, sleep aid, etc.. And woke up for the hardest few days of my life. Its day seven with nothing but a few drinks of alcohol and marijuana which I Dont consider drugs or at least I'm not physically or mentally addicted to them. I've done every drug there is so it seems silly to think of marijuana as a hard drug maybe I'm rationalizing it but I'm happy as long as I'm not smoking heroin all day. I took a lot if immodium the first two days then stopped completely.. I still feel really s***ty most of the time and I already have anxiety and sleep issues which both went away with heroin that I am not trying to deal with. My body hurts and I feel like an old person and im 27. I'm having a hard time enjoying things, anxiety is through the roof, cannot sleep then having to deal with another day of depression. I think about using every minute to make it go away but am reinforced with the thought of how bad it could get and being scared of withdrawal. Ive just been reading the internet and gathering what I can to not feel alone, and know there is a happy life ahead. I'm having a hard time finding things do with time and Dont feel level headed enough to work yet I still feel like my brain is scrambled eggs. Any ideas?
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 19, 2014, 9:37 PM
NA meetings will save your life. Look them up in the phone book and call them
All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 20, 2014, 2:05 PM
Ditto!
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