Son Relapsed - Robbed Us

I did the same thing to my parents. The first time I stole from them, I remember the tremendous amounts of guilt I was feeling; it kept me from stealing items I thought were more sentimental and valuable. Over time, the guilt lessened; it was replaced by a perverse sense of pride in having figured out yet another way to get money together to finance my addiction.

I've been clean six months. My family is as supportive as a family could be. My parents let me move back in with them, which I honestly don't think I would have done if I were in their position. They have struggled with the same issue you're struggling with: how can I give my son *anything* when he might use it to get high or stay high?

They basically wound up putting a certain amount of very cautious trust in me. There was no other way to move forward. It was so hard for them to do that I actually suggested the idea of me moving into a 3/4 House.

All the while I was telling them that I was serious about recovery, which was a lie that they had heard so many times in the past. The only difference this time is that I was finally being truthful when I said it. Had it been just another lie, they would have had their heart broken yet again, and the ties that bind would have once more been subject to what has to be the ultimate test of tensile strength.

Do you attend Al-Anon meetings? I cannot recommend this highly enough. There are tons of parents worrying about this same issue. Hear what they did. Hear what worked and what didn't.

I am not in your situation and have no personal experience with your side of this situation, so I am limited in my ability to offer you advice. What I can say is that I've known lots of addicts in their teens and twenties who found themselves having frequent angry outbursts at their families in early recovery. These outbursts usually stemmed from frustration that their families weren't giving them the trust that they thought they had earned. This happened to me, and I had to make a concerted effort to remember what I had put my family through (and what I was still putting them through), and make absolutely sure not to react angrily when they revealed their lack of trust in me.

This is actually when they really did start to trust me a little bit more. They considered my angry outbursts to be a reflection of where I was really at in my recovery; they felt they were signs of how selfish I still was. And they were absolutely right. Once they saw that I was aware of what I had done to them, we started to find more common ground.

I'd love to talk with you one-on-one, if you're interested. I am not a counselor or a doctor or anything of the sort, but I am working very hard at my recovery, and I was in your son's situation very recently.

Best of luck! You and your family will be in my thoughts.

My email:
rustbeltrecovery@gmail.com