Dealing With Being In Second Place To The Drug.
Posted: July 9, 2013, 11:47 PM

Hello everyone! This is my first time on this website & very first time reaching out for help in general. I hope to find someone who can give me some insight and advice in regards to being in a relationship with someone who is addicted to pain pills or heroin. I would like to hear from someone who has been in my place as well as someone who has been in my boyfriend's place!

I am still in love with the ambitious, loving, hard-working, kind man I met years ago. He has fallen in love with a substance that has cost him his career (I support him at the moment), his attitude (he has major mood swings), his finances, our sex life- everything. The number one thing on his mind everyday is the drug. He talks about it nonstop, he tries to find more of it nonstop, and will do anything at any time for it. There was a time when it was me that was always on his mind. I have been replaced and this is clear. We used to have sex regularly/ a lot, and now all he needs is his high. I believe he has lost his sex drive all together. It makes him seem selfish, when I know that he doesn't mean to be. We are both in our early twenties, fit, and attractive. I crave sex like a normal young person, and I feel undesired and frustrated.

I have tried my fair share of substances. I wanted to experiment and try different things so I could learn and be more understanding. I am thankful to have had the ability to try as many things as I did without growing an addiction or getting into any trouble. Because of this, I understand the euphoria that he is in love with, but I cannot understand his obsession . How can one be obsessed with something and not know? Or is it that he does know, but does not want to admit it?

He has recently told me that he wants to try to quit, but I have not seen him make any progress. He hasn't gone one day without using. How can I help him overcome his addiction? I guess that is the million dollar question....what is the best way to approach him without making things worse? I love him and I want what is best for him.

Thank you for your time! It is appreciated more than you know!
Posted: July 10, 2013, 7:22 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: July 10, 2013

Hi Athena! This is actually my very first time on these boards as well. My brother was a heavy user, and has only stopped since he has been in jail. He's been there since November. I'm not sure how deep your boyfriend is into his addiction, but he will NOT get any better unless he ACTIVELY gets help for himself -- in-patient treatment, with no excuses. If he doesn't get help, his life and yours will become a living hell. My brother (and my family) was in such a dark place for months and months. He turned into a thief, a liar, a CRIMINAL. If he does not show active steps towards recovery, you will need to end this relationship to save your own sanity. Heroin will take over his life, and yours too, if you let it.

Good luck :)
Posted: July 10, 2013, 12:10 PM

Thank you so much for your reply!! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your brother. That is so rough. My boyfriend had been spending thousands on pain pills each year, started smoking them, and now he has started bringing heroin home. I wish there were something I could do to push him in the right direction. I don't want to have to end our relationship. I can't let the drug win :(

I was considering documenting the amount of money he is spending on his drug and how often he is using so that I could eventually show him how much it is taking over his life. I have read so many posts on here saying that the best thing I can do for him is to leave him alone and let him figure it our for himself....that is just so hard to do!
Posted: July 22, 2013, 5:35 PM

Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005

You aren't the money police, your man is probably quite bright he knows how much he is using - he doesn't care and if it's his money, then to be honest it has nothing to do with you.
If it's partly your money then that's a different story.
he is obsessed because that happens that's why it's called addiction and if he's using every day then he's an addict.
Repost on the families and partners bored - my man was addicted for a very long time, you have to be prepared for the long haul id you're going to stay with him.
Using every day he won't get clean in a few weeks or a year it could take a long time.
And he's still in denial, it could even be a few years until he's really ready to quit and it has to be when he is ready to quit not when you want him to. Go to the other board and read everything.


Stay Strong

  top of page  Top