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Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: March 28, 2012, 5:29 PM
What a motherf***er!
Lets see a show of hands of all you 58 year old junkies. Hmm. No hands. Got hooked in S.E. Asia in '73 during that little spat we had with the Viet Cong. Heroin flowed like sugar over there. But that's a long time ago and far, far away. Lots of water has passed under the bridge since then. Eight days ago I took my last dose of Heroin, so I guess that makes me seven days clean. I still have a couple months of the Blahs (Post Acute withdrawal syndrome) to deal with, but I can handle it. Compared to the acutal withdrawals, it's a cake walk. But it will wear on you. I know this because this is my third withdrawal from a six to eight month addiction to heroin in the past three and a half years. Know this: Each time the kick gets harder. I own a business. A fairly profitable business, so I didn't have to resort to nefarious means to purchase the dope. I just had to be careful not to get arrested when purchasing it. I was lucky. Most of the profits from my business went to dope the last eight months, I figure upwards of $30,000. Sure would like to have a stack of $30,000 sitting in front of me right now! But it's gone. Along with lots of self esteem and all I'm left with is why? Each time the f***ing agony and loss of self and money and friends, I say "Never Again!" But after a year or six months clean, I'm feeling great and I'll see someone doing some and I figure "Ah, one hit just to chill out won't hurt". ( I do enjoy the feeling of a hit of Heroin). It's the best! No, my friend. It's the worst! I can't think of a more insidious poison! At least Strychnine just kills you right off the bat. Not waiting until it's taken all your money and posessions and family and friends. No more heroin for this puppy. It stops here and now. I've already taken steps to see that it stops. NA, a sponsor, I've told everybody from employees to family and friends, even clients. No more secrets. I feel guilt for what I've done but I refuse to carry shame. It is what it is and it's over. So far I've got nothing but support! Not a word of "how could you?" If I get any of that crap, then f*** 'em. They can go their way and I'll go mine. If anybody wants to know what to expect with withdrawals, how to prepare, both short term and mid term to get through PAWS, etc. I'll be happy to answer any questions you have. I AM NOT A DOCTOR, so any advice will be just from my experience. M | ||
Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005
Posted: March 28, 2012, 6:00 PM
Heroin? opiates are opiates--I spent 1999-2004 with oxycontin much safer bu8t same crap--recently oxycodone etc--you can thread away mark--as I did since 2004--lots of sober days but dry-mostly--work--drank beer right after work---had to stay sober every other weekend for my daughters--I did it but sooner or later you get sober or you die--
it took 37 years to first realize I am an alcoholic and junkie--never believed a couple beers or red wine would bother me--but I am a binger--out of the blue 9/11/11--I was not supposed to drink as I was weaning off of roxy with a powerful drug called kadian--morphine--that night I started with a few beers and I blacked out for the first time in 37 years of drinking--I should have died as I had consumed a bunch of crap --but I lived and the next week I had my last drink 11/18 football game 3-4 beers--my usual--but i hit bottom the week before--got some advice and I am sober 6 months + My point is JMHE--without AA 99% of addicts will die-or jail or rehab if there lucky like I did 4 times since 1987--- Your 58? I am 49?--no ego here but for this sick m-fer I wish I could just say yes to one drug and deal with it--But I am a garbage pail--who loves to get high--all together pills without alcohol has never really worked --I just have managed to quit snorting coke as I went toAA in 1988--2+ yrs I got it out of my system--still could mess me up but I am to old to snort cocaine--would shoot dope as its easier for me-- --without these tools that I have always had for today I choose my brain--I get dreams do not sleep-eating is tough --pain blows --My addiction doctor thinks I am nuts--she wants to insert a pump and I said no--have to try this one more time--\--I love my girls--and my family--I am lucky-blessed --the rest of my days are all gravy--I just choose ro do it one day at a time. That logic saves my life. Anyway I hope you have some major support--as if you think your going to stay sober by yourself ? the odds are not with any addict-- But its your life --hope you find what your looking for- Same as most of us--Its not easy But there is a SOLUTION--You just have to fight for it--if you went to vietnam then you would know how to keepfighting for your life. Fighting this is just as tough but your alive--obviously you have the balls to stay sober-- Take care-- Jeffrey -------------------- It is Just Not worth it. "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the puck happened." One Day At A Time | ||
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Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: March 28, 2012, 6:20 PM
Thanks, Jeff
I know now that I'm in for the fight of my life. I feel I'm up for it. Talk is cheap, so time will tell. Not much else to say, is there? Time will tell. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my post and replying. Always nice to know someone's listening, huh? M | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: March 29, 2012, 11:04 AM
well you 2, Jeff and MainlyMark,
your stories make me realize,again, how tragic and horrible addiction can be and how it affects everyone around you,especially those we love the most. I have been clean for 18+ years with methadones help and I applaud you for being able to do it on your own,so to speak,with the help from others. Even being on methadone you need the help of others to do it right,taking someone elses direction,following the rules of the clinic...you know the game. But in the end it WILL work. Everyone has their own way of dealing with addiction,but until you let someone else in to help you and follow someone elses directions to stay clean you will fail. Life can be good..... really good.Its all about how you look at it. Good luck and like they say, do it one day at a time. Granny This post has been edited by Granny2 3 on March 29, 2012, 11:06 AM -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: March 29, 2012, 11:41 AM
Drug is a drug is a drug. Doesn't matter if it's heroin, pills or alcohol. All the same. Addiction is all the same. Some may kill you faster than others because of the different side effects but my doing copious amounts of pain pills for 26 years is no differnt than you using heroin for however long. Sound like a pissing contest? lol Not meant too.
I thought I was going to die my last run with withdrawals. Truly wanted to die and be put out of my misery. But obviously I didn't. 8+ years clean here now and I am one pill away from that hell again. You, my friend Mark, are a miracle. I don't think you have any idea just how many people are rooting for you. -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
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Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: March 29, 2012, 6:46 PM
So true, Lisa.
And that last comment made me cry. thx m | ||
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Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: March 30, 2012, 12:58 PM
Not much to say today...just sending you a big warm hug.
Everyone can use one of those. -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
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Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: March 30, 2012, 2:47 PM
Thank you, dear.
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Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005
Posted: April 11, 2012, 5:56 PM
How's it going Mark?
-------------------- [COLOR=blue] Stay Strong | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 11, 2012, 8:26 PM
Mark had an awesome post on the PP board...I think it's called "spirituality'...check it out Jaz. How are YOU?
-------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
Posts: 88
Joined: May 9, 2012
Posted: May 12, 2012, 1:42 PM
Question? Why when I am detoxing do I crave sweet things massively? I have always had a sweet tooth but not on the same level,and when I do get some sleep I have sick nightmares or just bizarre dreams about drug dealers why??
-------------------- "I think we can make it,in fact I'm sure and if u fall,stand tall and come back for more" Tupac Shakur | ||
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Posts: 8
Joined: May 11, 2012
Posted: May 12, 2012, 5:57 PM
Jenny,
Idream like a fiend and have a bad sweet tooth to boot. My youngest son and his daughter(but not her twin brother) got the dream gene from me I guess. We not only dream alot,most every night but the dreams are usually like mine, really weird/strange and bizarre. My oldest son doesnt dream much at all he says. When I was first getting clean I had dope dreams all the time.Running from the police...yada,yada. Now that I have been clean,once in a while I will have a dream about getting the dope and then the rest of it is about trying to find a place to fix,hiding,and if it turns into a nightmare of sorts it is because when I get to my clinic to dose,no one there remembers me so I cant dose. Creepy. Sweets will make you gain weight so I try to eat things that satisfy my sweet tooth, licorice,jello with cool whip,fresh fruit. | ||
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Posts: 517
Joined: August 7, 2010
Posted: May 13, 2012, 2:00 AM
When you stop opiates you crave sweets. I just finished a pack of Peanut M&M's. lol
Something to do with the brain chemistry. I think sweets release dopamine and make us feel good. They also make us fat... so be careful. But better fat than dead from dope. I doubt chocolate is in the same category as heroin. lol I've noticed another thing that helps, and I've spoken to members of the opposite sex who enthusiastically said it helps them when going through the doldrums and after-effects of quitting a long term dope habit. It gives a squirt of natural dopamines to the brain (my opinion). I'm speaking from first hand experience, this is pure anecdotal conjecture. I have seen no studies on the subject. Plus, it's not fattening and doesn't contribute to diabetes. It's an activity, not a food. And the dreams... Everybody's different, but a common thread I hear from a lot of addicts is that they almost all experience dreams of drug use once they get clean and their brain starts to function correctly again. I did. I dreamed I used and felt so bad when I woke up. It was so real! I felt like I had relapsed. But the neat thing is... it was just a dream!! By the way, this post is titled Seven Days Clean From Heroin. Update: That number is now Fifty-Four. In a half hour, it'll be fifty five. It'll also be Mother's day, so happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. You know who you are, and so do I. Also, I'll share that I'll be tying up the last of step nine ammends tomorrow night. (the ones I have written down currently - I'm sure more will pop up in the coming months and years). My sponsor and I intend to work ten, eleven and twelve in the coming two weeks. Then I'll be cured and done with it! Just kidding. The steps are a way of life. An ongoing learning and growing experience. We live the steps every day of our life. But I think twelve steps in two months is about right for the first time through. Going through them in one month is probably preferable... When I start sponsoring, that's going to be the program; one time through, quickly, with enthusiasm! None of this waiting around a year or two until you have perfected your view of your higher power... Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. -Leonard Cohen Waiting around can be dangerous business for an addict... It was for me! My sponsorship will be more of a bull in a china closet, move forward, break some stuff, make some cracks, let the light start to shine in. We have the rest of our lives to improve on step work. Progress, not perfection. It would be difficult to appreciate the freeing nature of step nine, or the spiritually fulfilling nature of step twelve if an addict relapsed and died before he ever got past step three. By the way, I'm aware that not everyone is a 12 step advocate. Some have found another way, I've heard. I respect that. But the many millions of 12 step success stories is all the proof I need of where to bet my life. I know one thing; Mark's way was NOT working out well at all. Uh, wait... I was answering why we like sweets. Not sure how I ended up with that rant on sponsorship. lol But there it is. By the way, the activity I spoke of above is Yoga. Duh You'll excuse me now, there's a pint of Hagen Daz Vanilla Ice Cream calling to me from the freezer... This post has been edited by MainlyMark on May 13, 2012, 3:28 AM | ||
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Posts: 88
Joined: May 9, 2012
Posted: May 13, 2012, 7:49 AM
Yes I knew u were more than 7 days clean from ur other posts,well done!! I am only on day 2 but that means that todays Sunday and by Tuesday I can hand in a clean sample as my body will be officially clean of opiates (except my methadone) I have a quick metabolism so after day 3 I'm clean and that always spurs me on!! Oh that's good to know bout the dreams,they are really disturbing sometimes and I wake up crying! Sometimes I realise I'm in a bad dream and I start shouting my partner to wake me up!! In my dream I'm screaming his name but in real life he says I just grunt!! Lol.I love yoga I used to do it on the Wii fit for a second I thort u were talking about sex urrgh I can't think of out worse at the moment lol!! And yes eating sweet things really helps me but I'm more partial to Belgian choc hasten das myself :D
-------------------- "I think we can make it,in fact I'm sure and if u fall,stand tall and come back for more" Tupac Shakur | ||
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Posted: February 21, 2014, 1:08 PM
Well I have a question I am four days clean and I want to know
If I do some heroin today am I gunna start at day 1 with the withdrawal I mean I have been taking subs but I really want to use today | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: February 21, 2014, 6:25 PM
Wolf dog,
I would think that would depend on how much you do and how good it is. If you are doing well after 4 days and are going the sub routine, why mess it up? You either want to stop using or you don't. You cant do both and be successful. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
Posts: 1
Joined: March 30, 2014
Posted: March 30, 2014, 4:45 PM
7 days clean! awesome!!!! Did you make it????? Where are you at now??? Prayers and comforting angels sent your way. I truly hope you beat these demons and help others!!!!
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Posted: June 24, 2014, 5:36 AM
Can I get clean using meth for their first four days then just stop iv been using years an want yo get clean badly iv got three hundred mill off meth can I do it with that with ought feeling like in dying iv got four kids yo look after an in a single mum
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: June 24, 2014, 5:43 PM
Jennu,
If you have been using for years why not just go to a clinic and start their program and do it the right way?? Don't mess around with your health. You said you have kids, they need a mom who is with it and not trying to do a heroin detox all by herself. Being on methadone is NOT the end of the world. If you truly want to be heroin free, opiate free, its the best and safest way to do it. Please don't believe all the bad stuff they say about it, it can truly help you if you truly want to quit. The pills you have may help, but if you start taking them and run out then what? The dose for each person varies from person to person, so dependent on how much heroin/ opiate drugs you were using would determine your dose. The only one who can make that decision is a doctor at a clinic. Please if nothing else go and talk to the people at the clinic and see if they can help you. (if you don't have a legal script for the methadone you have I wouldn't advertise the fact) Regardless, please get help for your addiction, your kids need you and your family needs you. You owe it to yourself to get clean. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posted: July 14, 2014, 4:34 PM
Hi, Im 2 wks clean from Gear (as wat we call it where i live). my body pains are gone, but my head is going just once more, just once more. im in my 30s and doing well at college, have great fella and family and im going lose them all, im on my last chance so im fighting the crvings hour by hour. no metadone or nothing just went cold turkey. i miss it soooooooo much but my fella and family and few sober friends mean more to me, i just want to be normal again, without a subtance controlling my every thought and every feeling.
I hope you stay clean, especially since you have a family, it must be sooooo hard. i know i thought i was hiding it from everyone but people knew before i even told them.... best of luck | ||
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