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Posts: 1
Joined: August 24, 2015
Posted: August 24, 2015, 4:01 PM
Hello
I am new to this forum. Forgive me, but I have to start with my bio: I have taken a lot of drugs, when I was still irresponsible. I believe I have tried a drug in every drug category, and usually (with the exception of opiates) I could just party with drugs just occasionally. Even cocaine. Then I tried crack, which changed my life for the absolute worst. Suffice it to say I sank to new lows, lows which I never thought I would reach during my somewhat privileged youth. One day about three years ago I decided to quit, and I did. The week after that day was horrible, I was extremely depressed. I didn't leave my bed for 5 days (except to go to the bathroom). I stayed clean for 6 months, and then I used one night. I began to remember how horrible I felt, and I have been clean from crack since then (disclaimer: I do take Suboxone for my former opiod habit, and smoke on occasion). I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression, and bipolar disorder, for which I take various medications (including clonazepam). I have been in admitted to psychiatric hospital for at least a week 3 times in the last 8 years (I don't say this for sympathy, rather to give whomever reads this the whole story on me). Despite all that I had been feeling really good recently. I felt I was on a good combination of psychiatric meds for about a year. I must admit that I sometimes think of crack with a certain nostalgia. Usually this feeling is supplanted by the memory of the horror I had faced with crack. But the last few weeks have been different. I have noticed a feeling of apathy washing over me for a few months. I am not a spiritual person, so I am not immune to feeling like this sometimes, but my apathy has grown; I feel I am now in a bit of a depression really. The most alarming part to me now is how I am thinking of crack. When I think of it now, I think of all the things that I obsessed over for so long. The crackling. The taste and smell. Even recycling the residue left on the chore boy when you finish what you have. I want it again, and I feel like I don't care enough anymore to stop myself. I do not know what to do. Any ideas are appreciated This post has been edited by arcady59 on August 24, 2015, 4:03 PM | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 24, 2015, 5:17 PM
Do you attend NA meetings ?
Regular AA & NA meetings keep me clean/sober and relatively sane. I was a hopeless, suicidal psyche ward addict/alcoholic like you. Today I function quite nicely and I take no meds. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 1
Joined: August 24, 2015
Posted: August 30, 2015, 4:44 PM
Well I have attended AA and CA meetings in the past. I am thinking of returning to the AA meetings now, I always found those to be more helpful. Thanks.
I know it has been a while since I posted my topic, but I have managed to stay sober from crack/cocaine since then. I still feel very vulnerable though. | ||
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Posted: December 11, 2015, 9:31 PM
I am just finding this forum. I have never done any drugs at all...I do not even take Dr prescribed meds. But I have recently lost a very dear friend to drugs. Crack was one of her biggies yet that is not something everyone knows about. I read your post about trying to stay clean and doing so good and then all of a sudden wanting it again. And your words remind me so much of the long nights we sat and talked of her addictionstuff and how she was trying to stay clean and how hard it was. I actually came here trying to understand her addiction and what more I could have done....but after reading your post i realize that that is not the case at all. This is truly something that is a fullin and body struggle. I hope you are still on track and doing well. I can't imagine how difficult it can be at times...but I can say thank you for sharing your words. I know in my heart that one day they will fall on the right person that needs them. And your struggles may help save their life. You will stay in my prayers and for ever have my gratitude for opening up in such a way for others. I only wish I could have sent her to this forum before she died...maybe she could've reached out and found someone who understood her and what she he was going through.
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Posted: May 19, 2016, 10:45 PM
I am a nurse at a psychiatric hospital. Almost all psychiatric patients require a change in medications over time. If you notice your meds are no longer effective, please notify your doctor as soon as possible. Don't lose hope!
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