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Posted: June 30, 2016, 3:11 PM
Hi Everyone!
I'm new here.. I have such bad anxiety. I am an alcoholic and I have been struggling with it full blown since 25. I am now 33. I guess what started this post and joining this is I just wrote an email to my work, which I quit because my BF and family pushed me into doing so. It wasn't a good fit, being in a restaurant and brewery, but I just got done writing an email to them that was a complete lie. I quit because it was causing me to relapse but I made up a complete lie to cover that and I have now continued on with that lie. I am posting the email just to show how far my lies can go. My mom does have a brain aneurysm but it did not rupture.. I feel terrible now even putting that out there in the universe. I will add that I am slightly buzzed because I thought I needed the courage to do so to write that. I've never done this posting before and not sure what to expect. Just sending this into the internet ether. | ||
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Posted: June 30, 2016, 3:12 PM
Good Morning,
First, I would like to apologize and let you folks know that this was the last thing I thought would happen and the severity was a complete shock to me. I'm back home now and I have a little more time to gather my thoughts. I don't mean for this to be a sob story but would like to explain my sudden phone call to Meredith regarding my employment there. I feel I owe you more of an explanation than was given. My mom is 76 years old and I have known of some medical issues but she isn't always upfront with my sisters and I about the specifics. She has been living with a brain aneurysm for the last year and has refused surgery due to the mortality rate being 50/50. Last Friday, I got a phone call that she was being rushed to the emergency room due to the aneurysm rupturing. Although, I am the youngest of 3 siblings the responsibility fell on me to go to Hawaii. Fortunately, I have the ability to stay at home with my children and finances are not a struggle for me. I chose to go back to serving because I genuinely missed it and it's more than just a paycheck for me. My sisters, on the other hand, require that they maintain employment because their livelihood depends on it. Unfortunately, that put me in a position where I felt I had no other choice but to go to my mom. She is doing ok and is stable now. There has been significant brain damage and she will require 24/7 care. Hospice is looking like it's in the near future. I'm thankful that I got to spend time with her and can now make informed decisions. Again, I am so sorry that these circumstances arose and I had to give such sudden notice in leaving. There is such a great team there! From the kitchen staff to management and I am blessed that I got to see a little part of that. It reinforces and ignites that fire in me that serving and being involved in the restaurant/hospitality industry is something I will pursue. Honestly, I'm incredible sad that I had to walk away so suddenly and abrupt. I hope that you can understand... I am available anytime to come in and sign paperwork and turn in all property. Let me know the best time that works for you. Thank you, | ||
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Posted: July 14, 2016, 2:52 PM
Hello - Thank you for posting this. I am also new here and after looking around I thought that this might be a good place for me to start. Specifically, I can relate to the guilt you described for exaggerating your reasons for leaving work. I don't really have anything constructive to tell you other than that you are not alone. You are not the only person to have these feelings and I had a very similar experience when I left my last job. Not everyone understands the struggles of alcoholism and how one's environment can have such a substantial impact on their ability (or inability) to curb their drinking. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and it sounds like that's what you did here. Good for you.
I am 28 years old and have considered myself to be an alcoholic for almost six years. I drink about a liter of vodka every day, sometimes from morning into night and throughout the workday. I do not remember when was the last 24-hour period that I went without alcohol. Just wanted to provide a little background on where I am coming from. We are both on this site because we want to get better. It is a difficult process and I obviously don't have the answers, but you are not alone. Try new things. If something is not working don't be afraid to change it up! Don't be afraid to ask for help from people you trust. Anyways, I'm not sure if this response is of any help but just thought I'd chime in and at the very least offer some support. Your BF and family obviously care so do not be afraid to lean on them. | ||
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Posted: July 14, 2016, 10:53 PM
Welcome, both of you. I am 33, and my drinking became overwhelming by the time I was 24. Drank my way out of college and spent the next 8 years trying to keep the bottle down. If you are wanting to quit drinking, you will find lots of suggestions here to do that, mostly through Alcoholics Anonymous. It has helped me. I have over 1 year without a drink or drug, and believe me that's a miracle. I was a 5th or more of whiskey a day and had a couple years of dope that nearly killed me. I traveled literally across the country 5 or 6 times to either chase the drink or run from it. If you want to quit drinking for good and you've tried everything else- try AA. No doubt you've already googled AA in a drunken stupor and probably count your drinks with perverse pride (I did), but when all the specialness with which you might feel about your romantic death dance with the bottle, it will fade and you'll be all alone in a strange city wondering why your family doesn't call anymore.
In my experience the only real conversation between a drinking drunk and a sober one is when the drunk (you) is desperate to quit and the other drunk (me) can offer hope and a solution. I have found a solution to my drinking in AA. It isn't perfect, but I'm not drunk. You honestly wouldn't believe all the stuff I've been through drunk or high and in sobriety. Two days after I got sober this last time I find out I got a girl pregnant. I moved from LA to Philly with her to raise the baby near her family. Still sober. My daughter is 5 months old and I can be with her every day and show up for real life stuff. Sober. I used to be afraid to cross the street and order a pizza unless I was drunk. Now, I'm raising a daughter. Just over a year ago I was arrested in a blackout wandering the streets drunk. Today, I have a job, a girlfriend and a daughter. AA works but you have to be open-minded and willing. There is hope. Lots of it. 
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Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: July 16, 2016, 11:58 AM
Adam. Man I am glad to hear you in recovery. Many around here thought you would die of this disease. Grace is amazing, isn't it? :) Stick with the winners!
-------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
Posts: 86
Joined: April 16, 2014
Posted: July 17, 2016, 9:06 AM
Thanks for becoming a new member here and thanks for sharing your post
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