| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: June 20, 2015, 1:43 AM
I definitely qualify as a drug addict. I abused cocaine and molly for like three years butin the short time I ht an emotional bottom. Thankfully never arrested or caught driving under the influence, never went through a lot of the bottoms most addicts struggled with and that still haunt them today. I am lucky in that sense. For me it was a complete emotional bottom. I didn't want to live anymore. I lost a man who I was completely in love with three years ago when I was at my worst, it didn't help that he was an alcoholic, but still I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Well I was too sick to be in that relationship anymore and finally after two years it ended with a bang. I was heart broken, and from there on my abuse of coke got worse, until the point where I didn't love myself and I just didn't want to live anymore. I was a person I couldn't and didn't even know anymore. I went to rehab and found my solution through the rooms of AA two years ago. However I never struggled with drinking, drinking only came around when using cocaine and it helped balance everything out. But I never craved a drink or woke up thinking about one, or drank at work or any of the situations and issues with drinking you hear in the rooms. Well a year ago I started drinking here and there, mostly wine, and it was a seldom occasion and I was able to even walk away from after only drinking half a glass. Drinking in my opinon isn't a problem or trigger for me, yet in both AA and NA it is considered a relapse. Now I don't drink for the wrong reasons, and what I mean by that is if I have a bad day or I am sad about something I don't come home and say "I need a drink". But I still go to meetings and I cant share this because it's considered in both programs as a relapse, yet I disagee. So I feel like I am lieing to my friends and I hate that. So is drinking worth lieing to my friends? No but then again saying I am an alcoholic is like lying to myself. In the big book it says "if you can drink like a gentleman our hats go off to you". Also it says one drink is not enough and 100 is not enough. This doesn't apply to me and I am not in denial, as I mentioned before I am definitely and addict, but I just don't have a problem with drinking. And when I do drink it's not every weekend or every other week, but more like once or twice a month or two months even. I just don't want to live a lie and I am sick of feeling guilty and I am worried what people will think.
| ||
Posts: 176
Joined: August 24, 2014
Posted: June 20, 2015, 3:10 AM
Hey there....
I will tell you my experience. For me, being clean means being free from any single mind altering substance. It is a way and quality of life. No matter what the addiction is, using anything that alters my mind will ruin that 'clean' mindset and lead me to relapse. I am not reciting here, but i speak of experience. It just does not work for me. I can never have just a little from anything. It just doesn't make sense to me.i do not understand how people can enjoy one drink ....i find it stupid that people have 'a' drink or 1 line--but that is why i am an addict. i do not really know what happens in the brain biologically, but i do know one thing. Something happens when i alter the mood of my brain by any substance-be it alcohol, weed, pills , cocaine etc......if i use anything, i get the old mind set again ....i become that old me that i hate being....the addict in me is triggered....and before i know it, i am having a full blown relapse. This post has been edited by soberturtle on June 20, 2015, 3:35 AM | ||
Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: June 21, 2015, 7:45 AM
The only requirement for membership in aa is the desire to stop drinking.
-------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
|
Posted: June 24, 2015, 6:44 AM
"One drink is too many but a thousand is never enough" is the phrase
| ||
Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: June 24, 2015, 6:59 AM
"One drink is too many but a thousand is never enough"
Yup .That has been my experience.. there is a solution tho. For me it has been a combination of a God,of my understanding ,AA,, reab ,my sponsor and online support with others who have taken the time to help me along my recovery road with the knowledge and wisdom they have learned on their own recovery road.If you are willing to do what it takes to get and stay sober than there is help. It is by no means easy but it is possible. I drank for 30 plus years..lot of wasted time, lot of regrets , lot of pain not only for myself but for others. Today I am sober and in another couple of months looking forward to my 5th year of sobriety. there is a life without alcohol and drugs believe it or not. thank God I found that out before I died from my disease ..you have that chance too.. take it and you won't regret it.... we are here for support.... This post has been edited by pirate on June 24, 2015, 7:00 AM -------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |