I Need Advice
Posted: June 18, 2013, 1:54 PM

Hi everyone !

I am going to a party this Thursday evening with my co- workers. The dinner and social is at a pub.I want to go cause we are finished work until Sept. I get along great with all of them, they are not big drinkers, but will have a few. I have 4 and a half months of sobriety,I feel good and I don't want to drink. A sober life is worth living.But, I am scared I will get a craving,or the party might screw with my brain. I'm not sure what to do. Please help me,what would you do ?

Posted: June 18, 2013, 2:31 PM

Posts: 4144
Joined: July 18, 2006

Hi, Island.

If you're not comfortable (and clearly you are not), consider declining the invitation.

Here's what they told me: If you are SURE you MUST go at this early stage in your sobriety, bring a few telephone numbers of those who know you will be there in case you get sideways; Have an exit strategy, i.e., I'm only going to stay for 3 hours (or after they cut the cake, for example) and will leave immediately; Plan your transportation by having your own way to and from the party; Bring another recovering alcoholic with you to hang with; Plan on drinking soda water or soft drink (no punch or 'surprise' drinks).

"No," is a full sentence. Don't feel as though you need to make excuses for not drinking.

Here's another thing: Watch who's drinking. The ONLY people interested in what's in your glass are other alcoholics. Notice how loud is starts to get (and how boring) as the party goes on.

If you have a legitimate reason for being there, arm yourself with a prayer before going in and slip into the bathroom if you have to get back in touch with Him.

Don't drink. Come back and tell us what you observed....


Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.
Posted: June 18, 2013, 3:26 PM

Posts: 178
Joined: April 3, 2013

Hi C.

I am glad to see that you are making your sobriety so important.
If it scares the hell out of you don't go.
If you feel safe enough to go, have a back up plan, that you can use to get out at a minutes notice. And put that plan into effect without any waiting or analysing until you are safe at home.
Go alone so you don't have to wait for someone else to give you a ride or to ride with you.
Stay away from the bar if at all possible.
Avoid people who have had too much to drink. (you probaby can read the signs).

I wish you luck my friend. Go and enjoy the wind-up. But don't drink ---- your sobriety helps me stay sober to.


This post has been edited by Seagull on June 18, 2013, 3:29 PM

Let me love and serve and teach,
Those who come within my reach.
For miracles begin that way!
Author: Sally Deford
Posted: June 18, 2013, 6:15 PM

Posts: 5917
Joined: January 5, 2008

Hi Island. I am probably not a good one to give advice on this matter because for me it did mess with my sobriety and I did relapse AFTER attending functions in places where alcohol was flowing freely.. I THOUGHT I handled it well while there only to find myself drunk after a couple of days....which is THE REASON WHY I stayed away from any celebrations this time around that included a lot of booze. I am not telling you to not go I am just relating what happened to me.....I lost 19 months of sobriety by hanging out and partying at a wedding, and the party after the wedding.I did not drink during that time but before the week was out I was drunk... Relapse happens in our brain long before we pick up that drink , picking up the drink is the last stage of a relapse.... I am scared to death of it and if at all possible I try to avoid it, I feel strong , I trust me,, it's my disease which is cunning , baffling and powerful that I don't trust. In the meantime I wish you all the best and I hope that whatever decision you make it will be one that will be right for you..........Give it a lot of thought .I am very proud of your accomplishments and how far you have come. I would hate to see it all messed up just because of one evening... .....love ya girlfriend.

Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need
Posted: June 19, 2013, 7:29 AM

Posts: 329
Joined: September 3, 2008

Hi island,
I remember feeling very vulnerable being around booze in my early days. I was told STAY CLEAR STAY SAFE, If it was inevitable I had to attend such places I would excuse myself early. To put myself in such situations was insane.

I pray that your able to get to meetings, find yourself a sponsor, start the program, get involved within a group meeting (service). it works if we work it.


This post has been edited by Paul UK on June 19, 2013, 7:30 AM

Posted: June 19, 2013, 8:14 AM

Posts: 4144
Joined: July 18, 2006

Read the Big Book starting with the bottom of pp 100 through the end of the chapter, "Working With Others." Presuming that you're working some form of The Twelve Steps (which is THE PROGRAM that AA offers), you may understand what "Fit Spiritual Condition," means.

If there is a legitimate reason for being there, meaning that you have, "...any good social, business, or personal reason for going..." you may consider attending. If you are practicing rigorous Honesty (1st Step), and you find you may be, "expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places," use the sentence:

"No. Thank you. Perhaps another time."

And then immerse yourself in a meeting, call someone and tell on yourself, and get back into the middle of recovery.

Just a suggestion, of course. If you've already tumbled it in your head a hundred times, what I say is of little consequence if you've already dismissed emotional sobriety.


Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.
Posted: June 22, 2013, 3:40 PM

I went to the party, I didnt have any cravings at all, I had a really good time !! water and pepsi all night. No thoughts sinse then. Because I know I can't handle poison in my body...1 more week and I will have 5 months sober, and loving it.. The chat line I go on is awesome,. I am so grateful for all of you who gave me support, lots of views,only a few of you replied,, THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! GOD BLESS YOU.

sending hugs your way
stay strong and stay in control ,I am ...

.... p.s. seagull ,I am still taking 1 day at a time ....

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