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Can You Help Me Again Now?
Posted: December 11, 2012, 6:27 PM


Posts: 133
Joined: August 10, 2012



I kicked the pills but allowed alcohol back in; it is threatening to destroy everything.

It may be the worst, I think - at least the pain pills left me with half a brain. Alcohol keeps demanding more and more...

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Posted: December 11, 2012, 6:35 PM


Posts: 9129
Joined: December 1, 2005



What are willing to do different, Giyanna?

Have you called your sponsor? Have you gotten completely honest with all of it? Can you let go of any pride or ego left and surrender to listening to others and doing it their way?

I pray for you. I hear so often how "hard" it seems to be to get back into recovery once you go back out. Don't be the next statistic. Find a meeting & go and raise your hand as a newcomer with a willingness like your life depends on it.

You have my email.

xoxo
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: December 12, 2012, 9:45 AM


Posts: 231
Joined: October 23, 2011



My recovery began in a Recovery Home 90 day program run by a Catholic Priest. There was about 200 of us there at the same time and Fr. Paul called us all alcoholics.
There were drunks, druggies, sex addicts, gamblers etc.... all kinds of people. My group had 25 people in it and 4 of them had never had a drink but their 'thinking' was the same as mine (well described in AA's "The Doctors Opinion"... they just didn't drink).
The recovery treatment for all of us was the same as far as I saw. The 12 Steps work for all of us.
My glaring problem was alcohol but I was on Valium for 15 years as well (1974-1989).
My disease wants to be fed and it really doesn't care what. My problem isn't the booze/drugs/sex... my problem is I just don't seem to be able to live sober in my own skin.

I strongly suggest you immerse yourself, commit, to the 12 Step program of your choice.
Get involved and get active. Make it your prime commitment. Get a Home Group and a sponsor. Do what the trusty oldtimers did.

All the best.

Bob R

--------------------
--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
....but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989 ... working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... at the moment I am between meetings.

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
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Posted: December 14, 2012, 1:12 PM


Posts: 133
Joined: August 10, 2012



Thanks Bob and Stacy,

It's about time I do this right and admit that after years of 12-step (AA) I am just a newcomer all over again.

I cannot count the times I have gotten sober, stayed that way for years, got complacent and then that one drink..

Long interlude with prescription pills (who knew?) and then I thought my problem was solved...till the pills required more and more. I now have "no opiates" with every doctor and pharmacy (glad of it-I never want to go through that WD again. But the alcohol... my personal DOC... time for some real humility here, and a new beginning.
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Posted: December 14, 2012, 4:28 PM


Posts: 6643
Joined: September 15, 2005



Giyana I have been in and out of AA rehabs detox sub regimens since 1988. I never surrendered to alcohol until recently. Honest I would still drink if I thought I could handle my 1-2 glasses of wine or 2-3 beers during the NFL. But I went nuts again in 2011 and surrendered to all of it including my wine and beer as to this day have no idea why I did not die during my last Binge. First blackout since I drank at age 12.

I went back toAA got stuck at step 4 as it was suggested to redo the steps and I went to therapy. I love it. Helps a lot as I am quite scared of my addictions. Thank god. I do believe that a higher power another human being talking to people who have been dually addicted is very helpful for me.

All I can tell you is I finally got scared of the drinking. I prefer to live. Go back to the rooms please. It can only help you.

Enjoy your holidays

Jeffrey

--------------------
It is Just Not worth it.

"Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what the puck happened."

One Day At A Time
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Posted: December 15, 2012, 9:36 AM


Posts: 5072
Joined: January 5, 2008



Hi k .. It seems as if you are ready to get off the roller coaster. There is a life out there waiting to be lived and as a human being you deserve to have it.. Our purpose on this planet was not meant for us to live stoned, drunk and making attempts after attempts in fighting to get sober. For every moment alcohol/drugs take from us whether it be by using or by using up our time and energy in trying to quit and thinking about it is a moment lost in living because either way we are giving our lives over to the power of our addiction. I had enough of using and I had enough of trying to beat it... . I got sick and tired of being sick and tired from using and I got sick and tired of going back and fighting the same old battle when I relapsed. our lives are worth so much more... For me The answer was not in fighting but in surrendering.when I ACCEPTED the fact that I am an alcoholic and I will NEVER be able to drink normally and that the only solution was to let it go permanently if I wanted to live any kind of normal life so I surrendered, I stopped fighting and instead used my energy to build a foundation for sobriety..I made the choice to concentrate on sobriety instead of concentrating on the fact that I could not drink. Today there is a whole new world opened up for me... oh sure I still have problems.. that is life but my problems are not created by my addiction nor do I add to them by drinking...I am living and I am so grateful to be doing it sober and you can have that too... you are worth it .

--------------------
Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need
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Posted: December 15, 2012, 11:41 AM


Posts: 133
Joined: August 10, 2012



Oh thanks Pirate! I so needed to see another reply here to keep going. I definitely need the support right now - very unnerved by this.
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Posted: December 15, 2012, 2:19 PM


Posts: 231
Joined: October 23, 2011



giyana, I truly hope you are committing yourself to meetings again.

I post here when I'm "between meetings". My meetings are primary, on-line is secondary (IMHO)

I find On-line Internet recovery to be very similar to on-line sex. Exciting and attracting but in the end falling short of the real thing.

All the best.

Bob R

--------------------
--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
....but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989 ... working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... at the moment I am between meetings.

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
  Top
Posted: December 15, 2012, 3:31 PM


Posts: 133
Joined: August 10, 2012



Papabear and Suboxman,

I don't know what will work but there is a 7:30 Am meeting everyday here and I plan to get to that. The BF doesn't even (usually) get up till 8:30, so it is a very dangerous time for me.

In NYC I first got sober at the Mustard Seed, 7:30 round robin (not sure if they have those anymore) but it saved my life then; time to try that routine, I think, since I am a dawn-o-clock person and it is a dangerous time. Sometimes I have to wait 3 hours for "company".

I also plan to post here every day. Thanks for your support, EVERYONE.
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Posted: December 17, 2012, 4:47 AM


Posts: 427
Joined: May 5, 2012



Hi. We all may have different formulas for staying sober, but the objective is the same- don't drink. Getting back to those early meetings might be just the thing you need. Staying sober has made life worth living for me. I hope you find what works for you. Best of luck and please do come back.
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