| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: June 29, 2014, 11:14 AM
Hi everyone, I'm James and this is the first time I've ever written about my spice addiction and what I went through. I smoked spice extensively for two years and have been going through recovery steps ever since I quit 5 months ago. These past 5 months have been some of the hardest in my life. I've gone through this whole process alone, too afraid to let anyone know what I had done and what was going through my mind.
I'd like to start with saying that I've gone from brand to brand, k2, mr nice guy, black sabbath, red line hysteria, etc. My favorite brand was Head Trip because it lasted so long and had such an intense high. I've had the bad trips, the great trips, and a lot of in between. I originally started spice after high school as I was getting ready to join the military. Being an avid marijuana smoker I jumped on it due to it being a "legal" alternative. Since there was a wait list and I couldn't smoke bud, why not? I won't go in to many experiences here so as not to influence you out there who are still smoking, but I will share two. The first time I smoked I rolled up 2 fat joints and waited for my parents to leave in the morning thinking today will be a high day. I tanked one joint and was halfway through the second when I realized my fern was communicating to me in my head giving me strategies on how to cope with the wind in order to take another hit. After a few more hits I was fed up with the wind, said goodbye to the fern, and went inside to begin my castle siege. After sitting down in my living room, I quickly realized that this high was too intense to game. I could feel the pleasure coma creeping over my body and it was all I could do to keep control and not give in by leaning forward and grabbing my knees. Next thing you know, all of my teeth have fallen out and I was able to move them around in my mouth with my tongue until I opened my mouth and strings pulled them back in to place. I quickly went to the bathroom, sobbing and praying to God that I wouldn't die as I projectile vomited and dry heaved my little heart away. It was the most intense, chaotic high ever, and I wanted to know everything. This is just one of many stories. As I started smoking more of it, so did my friends. There were 3 of us and we progresses to hitting bong rips to get even more gone. We called being high on spice being in the astral planes. Imagine 3 pale, white dudes walking around with purple rings around their eyes spreading this addiction. Thankfully I soon shipped out to basic training where I started my withdrawals. I noticed a lot of disassociating habits forming and that was some of the hardest weeks ever, but at least I hadn't been using for too long. Fast forward 2 years down the road. I left the military due to a medical discharge and went back home. Remembering the good old spice days I went straight back and started up just like I had before. Except for this time, I was alone. I would time it to make sure I could take whacks throughout the day in order to never have to feel withdrawals. I would even trip out before work and calculate the time I would need to be functional again. I loved it. I wanted everyone to join me. This led me to the event that made me stop. I had been smoking very frequently on the new generation spice ( IT IS NOTHING LIKE THE OLD ONES) and I had been getting increasingly paranoid that my parents were starting to notice I was being a chronic. I had discovered a brand called Fatal Attraction that essentially added an aphrodesiac effect to the spice high which had me smoking and watching weird porn all day. One night in particular, while sitting in my living room taking whacks off my bong at 3 am when my parents were sleeping I looked over in an almost manic paranoia and was convinced my father was crouching down behind the table on the other side of the room with a note pad recording everything I was doing. All my thoughts, my behavior, my actions. I knew it wasn't real, but I was still convinced and that scared the hell out of me. It's been 5 months since I've quit. These have been the hardest 5 months of my life. I still deal with disassociation, stuttering, foggy brain, diarrhea, paranoid thinking that what I say isn't coming out right and that the people I talk to are judging me for it? I often find myself able to blank out for periods of time and I've convinced myself that I've ruined my friends lives because I introduced them to this s***. I still have days when memories come flooding back that had been blanked out and I'm still trying to mend my relationships with the family and friends that I pushed away. Sometimes I feel like I'm just someone else totally. The things that formed who I was before were destroyed and what was left was a shell of a person that had to be rebuilt which I'm doing. I've gone to the doc a bunch to get tests done and so far so good. Although I think I may have hypertension, but we don't find that out for a bit. To those out there reading this.... Just know that there is a way out. I did it alone and it was hard, but I did it. The physical part is not too long, but the psychological effects may be a lot harder to deal with. Just don't give up. Do what you have to. Find God, find zen, find anything. Spice life is no way to live your life. This drug robs you of your soul. I have a girlfriend now who I've told a little about all of this and she's been great. I guess the questions I have to ask from you all are; is what I'm going through like what you all did? How long did all these symptoms last for you all? Is there anything you want to know? Also.... Final one... Sometimes I feel like I left a part of me back in that "world". Not the spice smoking me, but like a legit part of my soul or mind was trapped in that other dimension that only spice users know exist and that if I did it once under controlled circumstances, that I could maybe show retrieve that old me that I lost in there so long ago.... Anyway, that's just crazy talk :). Stay strong everyone and know you're not the only one who's been through what you're going through. Support is key | ||
Posts: 13
Joined: March 16, 2015
Posted: March 17, 2015, 2:34 AM
I don't know if you will ever read this reply, I hope so as it has helped me another inch of understanding my 26 yr old son's experience with this drug. He has been using a long time, along with meth, alcohol and regular pot. Just this weekend he has had a horrible reaction to his use. I heard of spice and he has told me of his use of it, he is pretty honest with me regarding what he uses. He has had many almost bottoms, this very night may be his True bottom. I Pray his being back on the street, 1100 miles from me and all bridges burned, that his head will clear enough to get help or get arrested. As a Mom, losing track of him while on the streets of the city is agonizing both for what I am feeling and what he is experiencing. Tomorrow I go to Nar-Anon. A group for Parents w/adult addicts. Thank you again for your story and PLEASE, continue your sobriety, the only good thing about a relapse is that you can start again the 12 Steps and reagain sobriety.
God Bless. -------------------- To Trust To Hope To Endure Whatever Comes. | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |