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Synthetic Weed
Posted: June 14, 2013, 1:49 PM


Posts: 109
Joined: February 28, 2013



no DAC not found anywhere yet, the whole process has become incredibly difficult on a practical level (rather than how it makes me feel) and although I have felt, well, suicidal at worst, and incredibly anxious and depressed at best, it's surprising (to me) how your brain/spirit will kick in and make you carry on and keep trying even though there is setback after setback. Maybe it wouldn't have been this way if I was still abusing drink and drugs? so in that respect I suppose i'm fortunate.

yesterday, after some particularly bad news about 'the move' I came VERY VERY close indeed to buying alcohol, REALLY almost did, but at the last moment pulled back, rationalised it and how it wouldn't really help at all and so I didn't. ... actually, I told myself that if I DIDN'T buy alcohol I was being a better person, a stronger and better person than if I DID buy alcohol and that even if I was suffering emotionally it was better to do that and SURVIVE than to threaten my mental and physical well being with drink.

anyway, I wont bore you with all the ins and outs (that's why I haven't been posting on here, I don't feel its relevant to the forum, but I have very much wanted to) so i'll pop off now, but I feel a very strong attachment to this forum because it helped me kick my addiction, and that means all the members, so I still look here every day.

my sincere love to all, Tog x
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Posted: June 15, 2013, 9:39 AM


Posts: 109
Joined: February 28, 2013



just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, my girlfriends uncle was found hanged on his houseboat last night.
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Posted: June 17, 2013, 6:54 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



Sorry to hear about your girlfriends uncle tog. I believe stress is built when we stay in a bad situation for too long. Sometimes that stress makes people snap. Sometimes they snap too much...

I heard somewhere the other day that more has been learned about the brain in the last 5 years than all the years since we began studying it.

There was a definite difference in how the synthetic affects mood and depression. Comparing the two wasnt possible until I recently had my lapse with pot. The synthetic seemed to over-excite the creative process and at least for me made me want to do everything to an extreme. It magnified my compulsiveness. When smoking pot I lose my direction, my focus, and my motivation much faster. It is just a much different thought pattern from what is experienced from the synthetic.

Pot was always something done to relax...to enjoy. If I smoked too much of it I would just get tired and sleep. When I would sleep it was usually much deeper and I would only wake up maybe once in 7 hours. On pot I dont have the energy to do much of anything at all. The last couple of weeks I have gotten into a pattern of falling asleep as soon as I get home from work. I noticed that I oversleep much more when smoking and that I can sleep much longer than before.

I mention this because the synthetic works much different in the way that it seems to 'give' energy by waking you up if you smoke a lot. I would wake up every two hours or less and would immediately go smoke something to return to sleep. The big problem with the synthetic is that it was much harder to leave alone and smoke limit the number of times it would be smoked during the day. With pot I would only smoke every hour or two while the synthetic was every 20 min. Over time the potential to smoke all day every day is greatly increased. Smoke some pot at night when tired....fall asleep...stay asleep. Smoke the synthetic? Pass out...wake an hour or so later....smoke more....stay up in a tired state...smoke more....lots of energy to do things - only little gets done.....smoke more...pass out....wake up after an hour or so...etc.

Factor in now that one of the reasons that we would smoke would be to end the extreme irratibiity that we would encounter the longer we went without it. Physically I felt sick when I went without smoking so I smoked more often as a result. This resulted in developing a greater tolerance which led to the high usage rates I ended up reaching. I normally smoke in a one hitter - with the little hose. One hit is very small, and in the beginning the synthetic would knock me on my butt off of just ONE hit. A one gram bag could be stretched for a week or so and that was getting high most of the time. However, after a couple of months of use? 3 grams every day!!

Just consider this....Last week smoking pot - 50 - 60 hours of sleep. When I smoked the synthetic ( at least in the beginning) - 20 hours of sleep or less for a week. Last year when I used the synthetic to fuel my work ethic in the Spring I think I only averaged 20 hours of sleep a week for six weeks straight!

I point out the differences between the synthetic and marijuana because I believe the synthetic withdrawal causes problems with depression and mental coping in ways that I never experienced with pot. Since I , and many others, thought that the synthetic was basically the same as weed - I think it useful to point out the ways they are different. The synthetic is still such an unknown!



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Worried Aunt
Posted: June 19, 2013, 8:35 AM







I have a nephew that is addicted to synthetic weed and want to know what me and his other family members can do to help him stop? Please any and all suggestions would be great.

Do we push the issue?
Do we leave him alone?
Do we make sure he has no access to his money?
Do we monitor his every move as much as possible?

HELP!! He is only 19 years old. He has a good job and if he loses it because of this STUFF he may never get another opportunity again.
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Prfct18
Posted: June 19, 2013, 2:56 PM







To the married man with kids who took this on cold turkey - I have a loved one battling like you won't believe - in same boat as you were. Would you be so kind as to email me at prfct18@aol.com . I am reaching for any help I can find for them as no one seems to have any answers and I am scared
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Posted: June 20, 2013, 7:39 AM


Posts: 20
Joined: May 12, 2013



Worried Aunt and Prfct18, my husband was addicted to synthetic weed. Reading on this page will help you understand what your loved ones are going through. I would suggest you stop by the Families/Partners of Addicts to get help for you. Addiction hurts everyone involved.

Good luck,
J.
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Posted: June 21, 2013, 4:37 AM


Posts: 79
Joined: April 15, 2013



Well the synthetics ban has reached my town, and the tobacco shop has been cleaned out of synthetic, yay! Glad for myself and for anyone else that needed it gone to kick the addiction...

And Dac, yes I'm sleeping better than ever now, even though I'm not smoking pot everyday, and funny thing is that I feel I could take ot leave pot now, so that's a plus, I can have a chuff then not worry about it again for a few days, what a relief!

Sorry for your girlfriends uncle, but so glad you have been able to get through all this without drinking or synth, you are an inspiration...and still hoping you find a new home soon!!!

I'm just so glad I'm now weeks away from the synthetic, not even counting now how long it's been as i don't plan to ever go back to that crap again, and I'm evidence you can get off this stuff if you really want to, it's not easy, but if I can do it so can you, stay strong!!!
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Allison
Posted: June 21, 2013, 10:27 PM







Shopping for airline tickets today! Yay! Should only be a few more weeks before I can get to WA and my step mom can come home. .. Did I mention she left the next morning after the last show down over this website? And refuses to come back until I'm gone.

I've been working a minimum wage job at Minitmart here in KY. (There, I set up a joke for you,DAC.) I work 40 hours a week but the pay is so lousy it's taking awhile to get money saved up. And Adam is dragging his a** getting an apartment... *sigh* If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself....

I miss talking with everyone...
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Posted: June 26, 2013, 12:26 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



Hello everyone! I have passed the 2 month mark for the synthetic, but I have spent the last month smoking pot.... I just dont feel like coming to this site and posting much while I am getting high....it seems like a contradiction somehow. Anyways, I am on day 2 of putting down pot.....I say putting down because I am still undecided on how I really feel about pot long - term. For now, I am going to stop for at least a month - then I'll see how I feel about things.

WHY did I pick up smoking pot after the synthetic debacle??

To answer questions, and to use the drug for what I have always used it for - good sleep and to pass the time when working. Remember, I am self employed - no boss - no drug screen - and I work outrageous hours during the Spring. But regardless of why I did what I did I learned more about the nature of this particular drug in comparison to the synthetic. So I will pass on some of what I have learned.

A month ago, I only intended to smoke for about a week. I dont have a regular source, only a friend doing me a 'favor', so I got me about a quarter and a half and made it last for a month. It cost me about $10 a day.

After my experience with the synthetic, pot was going to be absolutely worthless to me for a while after quitting the 'spice'. After 6 weeks of abstinence though , I decided I had to at least try pot again to see if it was really 'ruined' like I had suspected. Well, it hasnt been ruined completely....but pot just doesnt do that much for me as far as a 'high' goes anymore.

Here's what I noticed.

At the beginning, I would smoke pot expecting something similiar to what was experienced with the synthetic. Pot is way different. I had to smoke at least 4-5 hits to feel anything with pot. And what I felt was just not that much different from being completely sober. It turns my eyes red, makes me sleepy/lazy, and 'quiets' my thoughts while at the same time making it hard to remember things short term. Pot definitely makes it harder to think critically in a way that the synthetic didnt. With the synthetic I was more energetic, my thoughts and ideas were accelerated noticeably - at least short-term, and the high was definitely a lot more powerful..and it would only take one hit to feel the effects of the synthetic after so long a lapse.

What is the appeal of smoking pot for me? I just wanted something to help pass the time for a while. I wanted out of the depressive funk I had fallen into after 6 weeks away from the synthetic. Also, I dont have a problem with pot. To me, it is a little worse than smoking cigarettes, but yet not as bad as alcohol. My test? Take an alcoholic, a chain smoker, and an everyday pot smoker and have them all quit cold turkey....who will suffer the most from the withdrawals?? Well its day 2 for me and I 'feel' little or no adverse side effects from my month long binge. Again, my sleep has been affected a little , my appetite it down, but the most noticeable thing is the irritablility/anger - but on a much smaller scale than what I ever experienced after quitting the synthetic.

The biggest positive of smoking pot? The sleep!!!! Prior to my last month I had not slept straight thru the night for as long as two whole years. IMMEDIATELY after smoking MJ again I started sleeping like the dead again. Little or no dreaming, if I did dream I couldnt remember it very well the next day, and almost nothing interesting happened....in fact , I cant recall one memory of any dream I have had in the last month! No night sweats either. If I was smoking the synthetic I would not get past two hours without waking up....the other night I fell asleep at 10 and didnt get up until almost 7 without waking once!!

When smoking pot I ended up trying to mimic the habits of the synthetic at first by smoking frequently during the day. In my past pot smoking experiences I would normally smoke every hour or two throughout the day. But this time around I was trying to smoke every half an hour or so , but it just didnt do the trick. For me, pot affects the body more than the mind. It makes me sleepy, lethargic, just plain lazy. The more I smoke the more tired I get, and that is exactly what happened. On a couple occasions I tried to 'really' get high and smoked as much as I could in about a 15 min period. I could smoke until it hurt my lungs...but still only a 'very' mild high was ever achieved. Eventually, I came to expect only a small high, and that caused me to cut back to smoking 4-5 times a day again like I used to when I was younger.

But here is the wierd thing. Sometimes after smoking 7-8 hits I could not notice having much of a buzz at all. Even still, there was something comforting about knowing I had something to smoke to pass the day. It's like I was addicted to my routine of smoking something more than I was the actual drug. It still baffles me. It was only a small noticeable high - but it was still something I ended up wanting to do all day....at least for a while. In the end it just wasnt worth the hassle and since it IS illegal, I need a break from it for now. Smoking pot is also wearing me out physically and I am starting to put some things off. So it is a good time to quit!

The past month has been just a blur. I sit on a mower all day. Alone. I talk very little if at all to people during the day. Whether I am high or not I still got all my mowing done every week. And the fact that I really 'love' to mow while high just made it all the more justifiable. I am a very functional stoner. If you didnt know I had smoked you probably wouldnt notice I was high. It really doesnt affect me that much at all anyway so its not that hard to pass it off any more. I actually got pulled over a couple weeks ago maybe 5 min after I had just put down my hitter after smoking my customary 7-8 hits. The officer was a K-9 officer and could have easily busted me if he searched my truck. But nothing but a seat belt ticket was given. No suspicians were aroused, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and I drove off thankful that I was only out the $25 seat belt fine instead of something much worse....another reason I need to take a break!

Also, dont compare driving on pot to driving while drunk. They are NOT the same at all. If pulled over and drunk, an officer will shine a light in your eyes and see if your eyes are shaking back in forth....if they are shaking - your drunk! I've done both ( not drunk driving though for 25 years) and I can just tell you that I can pass every drunk test they have while stoned , but if drunk I would almost certainly fail. Also, all drivers are NOT created equal. In 30 years of driving I have gone virtually accident free. But consider this. I once had to watch a video for a drunk driving class (too many tickets in early 20's) and they showed 6 people drinking to a BAC of 1.0 and then taking a police administered driving test - the kind the cops take when they are training. What they wanted to demonstrate was how coordination diminished between taking the road test sober vs drunk. They succeded! In every case the drunk score was worse than the sober one, but something else jumped out at me. One of the guys 'drunk' score was higher than one of the ladies 'sober' score.....Which meant he was more coordinated drunk than she was completely sober. Again, not all drivers are created equal - I'll just leave it at that.

Other differences I noticed between the synthetic and pot were more mental. The desire to write almost completely disappeared. I also didnt think 'comedically' hardly at all. I have done almost nothing the past month but smoke all day while working, come home and stay awake for maybe an hour, then sleep. Today, only 1 day away from smoking the comedic ideas started coming back. So now I have decreased creative ability as a good reason to stay away from pot as much as I can. I also was very inefficient while smoking pot. It would take me 12 hours to do a day that should have only taken 9 or 10 hours. It would take me the entire week to get through my schedule. Today I started mowing at 7 and got done at almost 10. In those 15 hours I did 2 full days of work though...I took yesterday off and I only have about 6 hours of actual mowing left of tomorrows schedule. On a stoner day I would have been lucky to get in 10 hours and would have come home and fallen asleep by 11. Pot just physically tires me out , makes me procrastinate more, and ends up making me sleep MUCH more than I would if sober.

Allison

Good to hear from you. Glad you posted! I imagine I didnt help anything with your step mom by writing some of the things I did.....SORRY! But it does sound like you are getting closer to getting back your independence again. Hopefully when you do you will tell us all about your adventures in KY! 'KY adventures' are always interesting to hear so hopefully you will fill us in at some point.....When I think of Kentucky I think of my family....and of the movie deliverence. Hopefully no one has asked you to 'take off your panties' and do your best pig impersonation with your 'purty mouth'. Because if you have found yourself in the same position as Ned Beattys character, a little 'KY' would be a much appreciated thing to have to ease the pain!!

See!! bad, bad jokes are slowly beginning to form again!!

mermaid

After reading what I just observed from smoking pot do you have anything to add?? Have you noticed anything similiar to what I mentioned? I have a theory that I cant support just yet , but I still believe it. And that is that my pot smoking the past month has eased immeasurably the withdrawals from the synthetic. I am not talking of the withdrawals experienced immediately after quitting, but the depressive feelings that occur (at least for me) one to two months out. In a way I feel 'healed' from smoking the pot. My best evidence is the sleep , but I wont really know more till I have been away from pot for at least a week.

Let me know what you think.




This post has been edited by DAC on June 26, 2013, 1:05 AM
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Posted: June 26, 2013, 1:20 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



tog

I have a meeting next week to determine if I can stay in my house or not. I know what its like to live with the 'forced move' uncertainty hanging over your head. Very stressfull!! Hopefully a month from now you will be able to come on here and tell us that moving was the best thing that could have happened for you. It will take away the bad memories to be in a different place and maybe you will feel like a completely different person living in a new place.

I wish you the best - let us know how it goes.

I havent been up till two in the morning for a month...I think all the extra sleep the past month has helped me mentally heal from all the sleep deprivation I have endured the past couple of years. I only hope that my sleep continues without the pot....I'll let you all know if the improved sleeps is a real improvement or not.

Going to bed- I wish you all the best
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Posted: June 26, 2013, 2:14 AM


Posts: 79
Joined: April 15, 2013



Hi everybody!

Dac, reading your post was pretty much what I have observed...when I tried pot to get of the synth, it just didn't work anymore, but at around 3 weeks away from synth I began to feel the effects again, but they are very different, as you say, the synth is all in the mind, but unfortunately for me it just made me nuts, the pot is just different, more an ahhh mind and body feeling where syth was more an AAAAAHHHHHHH !!!!! feeling...but sleep is magic on pot...but I still think it took me going to the doctor to get some medication was what helped me leave the synth behind, if you can't do it yourself, get help!!!

I'm on the fence with pot, for me, as long as I don't smoke in the morning or during the day, I get everything done, I try and wait till five, but sometimes it's earlier, but only when I'm going to be staying home, and the first smoke of the day usually gives me a pottering burst, where I'll get stuff done too, but then after a few hours ill have a munch and I'm ready for bed, no sitting up late watching movies, I'm just tired stoned, and I fall straight asleep, and stay asleep all night, not like synth where I would wake up every few hours craving more...pot doesn't have the urgency anymore, I even have a couple of days before I worry about getting more now, so it has done something to my pot receptors, it's just not the intensity of synth, and I'm over intensity, I just want chill please...I basically just have a smoke how normal drinkers can have a drink, that's what I'm aiming for anyway, I just can't exist at this point in time with complete everlasting stone cold clean sobriety, maybe soon as I get stronger I'm willing to have the clean sober days outnumber the days I have a smoke...my goal for now!

The synth is all over the news in Australia, they are trying to make it a federal gov law or something while the federal law is throwing it back at the state govs, but the one thing that will happen is that they will declare all synthetic drugs illegal, people will still get it online, but it's a start.

I hope the house meeting stuff goes ok for you...

Hi Allison! So good to see you here! glad things are moving in the right direction, you need your own space asap, I can't get my head around how people could be freaked out by seeking support and advice and an ear online...they should be glad...just don't get it. Don't like don't read, don't you have some kind of constitution law about free speech? I've missed you too!
Anyway, hope an apartment comes up soon, it's such an uncertain time, and so much added stress for all of yous, I'm praying it all falls into place for everyone here, I finally got my forever home now, and I want the same for all you!!!
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Posted: June 26, 2013, 6:47 AM


Posts: 109
Joined: February 28, 2013



hi all hope all well. i'm suicidal. looking like have to put all stuff into storage. may end up either in temp homeless hostel or maybe GF's mothers floor (not sure even poss).

only 1 estate agent is allowing us to view anywhere cos of social security payments and they have shown us only 1 place in the last 4 weeks and is too small to fit anything in in a noisy high rise miles and miles out of town, couldn't afford bus to work or get any belongings in it.

not smoking/drinking . . extremely anxious/depressed thinking if I have to split up from GF and go into hostel with addicts may end up killing myself.

can convince myself for an hour or 2 at a time when working that will be okay but panic and anxiety takes over and I am on the verge of collapse.

tried all the social advice places and the council and all they can do is tell me where to register homeless.

it is like being in hell, when I wake up it is like the nightmare is starting all over again.

even emailed my father and asked if I could go and live with him in Spain (mean splitting from GF but better than killing myself) but he said I couldn't.

scared, super anxious, on the edge of a breakdown.

drink and drugs just seem irrelevant.

take care.
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Posted: June 26, 2013, 8:32 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



tog

Battling an addiction will just wear you out...It is mentally exhasting and on top of that physically it takes a while to recover. You have been clean for 3...4 mos? With the synthetic I believe it takes longer to mentally readjust than with the other drugs. Mermaid said pot doesnt have the 'urgency'. That is a word I associate with the synthetic more than anything - URGENT. It had to be smoked NOW, run out - and you have to have more NOW! Major problem in your life? Need a solution NOW! Feel depressed? Do something about it NOW!

Tog I have never wanted to really kill myself , but the suicidal 'ideating' trait that the synthetic seems to ramp up STILL causes me to explore that option every time something bad happens. I wouldnt do it , so why do such thoughts even creep into my consciousness? It has to be the part of the synthetic withdrawal process.

I had a low point only a couple of months ago where I was having a really bad day and when I got home I did a really stupid thing. I have a winch that lifts up my mowers so I can work on them. I push a button and a cable with a loop on the end lifts up.....With never an intention to really do anything I still acted out something I wish I hadnt. I put my head in the loop and lifted myself briefly off the ground before furiously letting myself down.....it hurt! I have a real penchant for wanting to experience things first hand so I believe I was doing this to really show myself why I would never do it for real - I think actually I was trying to make myself cry and just coulndnt. Whatever the stupidity was it worked...but for the wrong reason. Just a few seconds after I let myself back down and walked outside the barn my 8 yo daughter came out all bright and enthusiastic wanting to see her dad......but what if she would have saw what I did?? What if I actually did it and she was the one who found me?? I never was more ashamed. I was so thankful she didnt see anything, and I will never do something so blatantly dumb again.

You are not the only one who feels this way at times tog. But these times will pass....trust me!

Since then, only passing thoughts about suicide - nothing but remnants of the synthetic from my point of view. The last month? No thoughts at all. The last couple days? The bad thoughts have crept back almost immediately - but they are very, very weak. I will admit that one of the reasons that I relapsed so much was to battle these very thoughts. However, the relapses made the thoughts persist longer than they would have if I just quit, so I just prolonged the suffering. Hang in there tog - six months out I have to believe most of these things will go away. At least that seems to be true from what I have been reading.

mermaid

Good to hear from you! I'm glad they took the temptation out of your hands. As far as getting synth off the internet? A couple of years ago I bought K2 online after they had banned it in my state.....it was total crap. Right after the most recent ban the very same 'juicy' brand was available - 4 grams for 12$. Only it had NO active ingredient so it really was just flavored tobacco. So what I am saying is I dont think you CAN get the synthetic any longer. Fortunately, I have not even tried. No desire at all to mess with the synthetic again!

I smoked everyday for a month and have had no real cough to even mention. I estimate I smoke up to 10 times as much marijuana as I did the synthetic - yet NO black stuff has been coughed up at all. Maybe just a little grey stuff from time to time, but no toxic black tar like with the synthetic.

Gotta work....talk later..

This post has been edited by DAC on June 26, 2013, 8:35 AM
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Posted: June 30, 2013, 3:31 PM


Posts: 109
Joined: February 28, 2013



GOOD

http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/story/2...etic-drug-sweep
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Posted: July 1, 2013, 10:34 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



How is everyone? Silence to me either indicates trouble or success - the two reasons I believe most people stop posting. Either you've given up trying....or you have the thing kicked and have just moved on. Hopefully most have succeeded and no longer need to work things out on this site - for you Congratulations!

I have gone a week free from smoking pot. I have stopped even thinking about the synthetic as a possibility so at least that disaster is gone from my life. The pot though? I have really had no trouble at all putting it back down. VERY easy to quit, at least compared to the synthetic. However, even as I write this and cant imagine smoking anything again, I know that it is entirely possible I will do so at some point down the road. This last time I smoked marijuana was more to answer questions for me and help understand what it was I thought I was missing. The truth is I wasnt missing much at all! It just SCREAMS at me now how different the synthetic was from the real thing.

There is a reason I dont smoke pot and try and work my business, a reason that I would quit every year even though I still liked to smoke. I am much more inefficient and lazy when smoking pot. This last experience illustrated that to me firsthand and was something I needed to know. Yeah, I really like sitting on a mower with a buzz.....but getting off the mower to do the physical stuff? I had to drag myself through those things and it made me aware of why I ever made an exception for the synthetic. The synthetic DEFINITELY has a component that is similiar to an amphetamine in the way it keeps people up. I know now that I was trying to use the synthetic to get more done....and that was just bad logic. I could STAY up longer, I could mow till all hours of the night, I could get up with no alarm after a 2 hr nap and go all day as long as I was smoking....but in the end it ran me so far down physically, mentally, and emotionally that I wish I had never did what I did.

What I see now haunts me....I was going through a 'resurgent' time in my life after experiencing many bad years. I noticed I had options that I had never considered before and it put me in a great mood. From that mood sprang the ideas and outlook about life that had me so encouraged and enthusiastic last year about my future. But because I was smoking the synthetic at that time I credited the synthetic with having something to do with it. In fact, I BELIEVED it made me more creative, more easy going, and was HELPING me sleep when the real truth was it mad all these things worse. Perspective is something that sharpens with time and I just couldnt see those things without having the benefit of getting months away from it. I never would have seen it at all as long as I thought I was smoking something that was the almost the same as pot.

I had a kidney stone this weekend. VERY PAINFULL!! Now I take nothing , absolutely nothing , as far as aspirin or pain medication goes so that when I need it to work - it works. In the past, two advil could knock down my pain enough to let the stone pass and that was usually it. This weekend? I took 8 (threw up 4) and did not notice ANY relief for the entire 9 hours I was in intense pain. It did nothing!! I have not had that happen before, and I wonder if it the synthetic has messed up the receptors in my brain to the point that ALL drugs (even the 'good' ones) will be different from now on. It's just a theory , but the level of pain I endured without ANY noticeable dulling from the advil has made me think this is true. I have had over a dozen kidney stones in my life - advil was all that was needed for most of them - but this time it did nothing!!

tog

interesting reading, I didnt know it was illegal to that extent. It is so openly sold in the states where it is still 'legal' that I just assumed that they were able to skirt the law. But maybe the end of the synthetic for good is within sight!!

Hows the apartment search going? How are YOU doing?? We all have good and bad days but it seems you are in a stretch of the bad ones and hope that something comes through for you. I have another meeting tomorrow where the bank may tell me I have to move, so I know how it feels. Moving ranks as one of the most stressful of lifes events - especially when its a forced move. Just remember that the altered thinking that came from the synthetic will make it seem worse than it really is. Stick it out buddy!! Things have to improve at some point.....At least this is what I tell myself every day.

I hope you find answers..

Mermaid

When I smoked pot , i didnt write much of anything. Do you experience the same feeling? Is this not a clear indication of how something as benign as pot can isolate? I know for myself it made me more content to just keep to myself and not say or do much of anything with others....which for me was the opposite of the synthetic. I have come to think that I have NO problem at all with smoking pot once at night for sleep, or smoking it with others in a social setting, but the all day everyday smoking changes my behavior to the point I just become 'comfortably numb' about the things that should demand my attention. I procrastinate too much, focus on 'wants' too much , and have far less energy to do the things I must do to make a living. But for sleep? It does make that much better. My month long binge killed the fever dreams. In fact, I cant hardly ever remember anything at all about my dreams any more. I sleep straight through the night now when I fall asleep. It just takes longer to fall asleep initially thats all. But NO dreams!!

But in a way I kind of liked the dreams....

Allison

I imagine with work and school you are probably so busy that even if you were free to write you still might not be able to.....a good thing!! You have been away from the synthetic and I'm hoping pot as well so maybe this little trip of yours to your dad's was exactly what you needed to put things in perspective. I know at some point you will check in with us so until then i wish you the best. I miss hearing your 'take' on things so drop in when you can and let us know how you are doing.

Concerned mama

You still reading? How's your son doing? Have you noticed any differences in his behavior after quitting the synthetic?


As in life, It seems trouble brings people together, and success seems to keep us apart. So the fact that many of the people who posted here have moved on should be an indication that many have kicked their problems and are leaving those memories behind. For those I am glad, and grateful, to have at least made their acquaintence - even if for just a short time.

until later..take care!

This post has been edited by DAC on July 1, 2013, 11:12 AM
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ConcernedMama
Posted: July 1, 2013, 7:33 PM







Hey Dac!

Yes, I still get on here everyday to check on my cyber friends. My son moved out this weekend to his own apartment with a roommate. He seems to be doing good. Drinking beer daily - not until stupid drunk or anything but non-the-less, still needing a daily crutch. I am so happy he is off he synthetic - he has smoked pot occasionally but I don't think it is a daily thing. His finances are going to surely suffering with paying rent, electric et al. All in all, I'm very proud of him - he still has a lot of growing up to do but he is only 22. I just want the best for him as all moms do for their children.

I am so glad to see that you are doing ok too! Self reflection can be cathartic and can also go the other way of where you only see the negative. I was very negative when I got home today and I just had to ask God to give me a heart of gratefulness because I am very blessed -Positive thinking really is all it's cracked up to be lol.

I still think of Allison and Tog too and wonder how they are. I can only pray that their paths are still positive. I wonder if Tog and his lady have found a place? I hope so. It truly broke my heart when Tog was writing about having to move and leave his garden. It's funny how you don't even know someone except through reading about their lives and yet you include them in your daily thoughts and prayers like a friend or family member.

Please take care of yourself Dac and remember to stay hydrated in this scorching heat.

Take to you guys soon.

CMama
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Allison
Posted: July 2, 2013, 3:49 AM







Hi all,
I thought I would come on and sort out some thoughts. I miss the days when I was able to take advantage of the safety and security of this site without having my every thought monitored and offended by. I don't know what is going to become of me in the next few weeks. I have a plane ticket reserved for the 16th of July. But I don't really have a destination. The apartment we were hoping for fell through. They weren't satisfied with Adam's work history. Even though he held down 2 jobs for years in MO and found a job a few weeks after moving there, which was just 2 months ago, they want him to be in his current job longer. All of the places to rent from charge just to apply, apparantly. Or rather the 4 or 5 that he has actually applied to. So the only option now is to stay where he has been staying, in a small room living with his friends, a couple. I am NOT AT ALL keen on this idea. For one, I have never met these people, and what I do know of the guy and from the one time I was forced to talk to him on the phone, I am not fond of him. Plus Adam and I haven't been alone together in about a year. Plus, I am antisocial and just don't want to be sharing a small living space with three people. Plus I am sick to death of roommates. Once again, the plans I was excited about have gone awry and now I am filled with dread and dismay. I think I would rather be homeless. And I can't wait it out any longer because my step mom won't come back until I'm gone and she's ready to come home now. I think on my next day off I am going to ask around about apartments here in town. There is a complex behind the gas station where I work. Maybe I could borrow a bed and stay there, if they would take me. I'm going to have to try to take a leave of absence from school because I won't be able to afford internet and am having trouble keeping up anyway. That and I've about stopped caring... I just don't know what to do. I am so tired of everything being more difficult than it needs to be and running into walls everytime I even try to take a step forward. I just... wish I could be done living now. I'm tired of it. What the hell is the point in even trying when f***ing everything is doomed to failure and maximum aggrivation and difficulty??? How the hell am I better off now or when I get to live with those people than I was when I was on synthetic?
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Posted: July 2, 2013, 6:03 AM


Posts: 109
Joined: February 28, 2013



I know how you feel Allison, I am completely screwed, looks like Lucy will go sleep on her mother's sofa, and I don't know where I will end up, maybe a homeless hostel through the council. I am at the end of my tether.
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Posted: July 2, 2013, 9:07 AM


Posts: 421
Joined: February 24, 2013



Good to hear from you guys. Sorry you are having so much trouble just getting by. I know I have felt just like allison and tog in the way that it just feels so overwhelming at times - why bother. In fact, I felt that a lot last year. I still think the synthetic changes our ability to cope and deal with adverstity. For so long we have had something to help escape whatever reality was crushing down on us. Without it, we must face it straight up and after years of smoking whatever the synthetic really is we have debilitated ourselves. Most of us were not hard core drug users who knowingly used something so addictive and , yes, mind altering. We thought we were smoking something like pot. I firmly believe we are just the tip of the iceburg for this problem. For every one of us who comes to this site, there are probably thousands more who are experiencing the same troubles and dont have a clue what is going on with them.

So when you get down , keep reminding yourself, this is not me when I think of doing 'bad' things to myself, when I feel like quitting life, when I can't see past my current trouble. The human brain has an enormous capacity to heal itself, so in time I have to believe that it will get better. We just have to stick it out. Easier said than done I know, I still have more dire thoughts than I would like to admit. But at times I feel like I am improving. I just cant tell.

I am reluctant to say anything positive about drug use right now , but in the spirit of passing on information I wanted to say that my sleep has never been better. On the synthetic, and even months past it, I could not STAY asleep. The 2-hour nap thing is something we all experienced. The sleep was very 'shallow', not much rest was achieved, the dreams were vivid and memorable and night sweats were common. But since I did the pot smoking thing my sleep has gotten back to normal. I went to bed last night at midnight and slept all the way till 7 this morning! I dont even wake up when my wife goes to bed around 6. And when I wake up, I cant go back to sleep. I know I have dreams , but cant even remember them upon waking. When I had trouble sleeping from the synthetic , I would just try and recall the dream , sit still, and I could go back to sleep and sometimes back into the same dream. Now, I cant remember anything at all and I must admit that is a little frustrating , but the quality of the sleep is so much better it is a welcome trade-off.

Another thing about the synthetic. When I was smoking it I seemingly wanted to share intimate details of my life with EVERYONE. It made me open up in ways I had not before. It caused me to 'overexplain' things, there was a neediness to connect that I had never experienced before. I have seen others do the same things here. But once the synthetic influence is gone? We are embarrassed we shared so much. We dont think others understand us at all, and we end up feeling untrusting and isolated. Again, I think this will go away at some point, but until then we will all experience our share of misery.

cmama

Good to hear from you! Glad your son is moving on in life. Hopefully this experience will make him much wiser and able to deal with later adversity in life. Over time his perspective will change and I believe he will be stronger from having the experience. At least he is not alone and has your understanding shoulder to lean upon should things go wrong. Many parents never achieve such a close relationship with their children, so you must be doing something right!

tog

Just try and get past the next month. Set short goals, and focus on your girlfriend and know that she is experiencing the same feelings about moving as you. Whatever you do, dont get into arguments and blame each other for what is happening. Just keep trying. You have been mentally stronger than I have about putting down the drugs so I know you can get through this. It sucks , I know, you put the synthetic away 4 months ago and the advice is still 'baby steps'. But keep your chin up. You are dealing with a very stressful event straight up - in a weakened state of mind from the past drug use. Get through this and you can beat anything!!

allison

I can tell by your tone you are experiencing many of the same things I did when i was at about the 2 month mark. Our past experience tells us that we should be past all the ill effects of our drug use - so we dont understand why we still feel so bad after so long. This will make me think that sobriety is just not worth it. Its better to be high than to be depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts. The problem is I believe when I get to this point I am in reality getting close to moving past these thoughts. Only I short-change my recovery by having a relapse....and the whole process starts over again. Like you, I wanted to share my writing here with my mother. I thought it would make us closer and would give her an insight into what was really going on in my mind. But I think now that was the synthetic influence. I dont have any desire to share these things currently and wish I had not tried to explain myself to others in the depths that I have. The sad fact is that they just cant understand...And after seeing how your mother betrayed your trust and took away something that was helping you get better . I am VERY thankful I can still be anonymous. After all, if everyone reads your private diary, it's no longer something you will write in. Its like, they sabotaged your recovery because they were afraid of what you might say about them. Funny....your drug problem became all about them!


Keep doing things that focus on the long term. If you give up your school , the regret will drive you back into drug use. So do whatever you can to keep moving forward with your classes....dont give up! I know its frustrating when you want others to notice the positive efforts you have made to improve your life and all they see are the drugs. I know how frustrating it is to not be able to be seen as 'normal'. But addiction is like a sickness, you are weakened from past usage - not just physically , but mentally and emotionally as well. When things in your life are improving you feel optimistic. Suffer a setback though? Then its back to all the dark thoughts that we have all shared here. We just arent as strong as we once were....not yet.

mermaid

Hope you are doing OK. You are experiencing things similiar to me from the pot use. Still not sure what to make of what I learned. I would still like to not use anything ever again, but after living through the insomnia and sleep deprivation the last couple of years I am actually glad I did what I did to help get some rest finally. Then again, its been a couple of months away from the synthetic so maybe my sleep would have returned to normal anyway....I cant tell anymore.

I have written a few things on a post on the marijuana board. I started a thread almost 4 months ago and have put a couple of posts there over the last month. Not much activity there though, not many people suffer from 'pot addiction'.

One last thing. If you consider yourself a 'sensitive' person , you are more predisposed to self medicate. The two go hand in hand. And if you are sensitive and smoked the synthetic? The isolation that will eventually come will make the regret over smoking cause any depression you felt before the use much, much worse.

It just takes time to heal....we just need to keep trying!

This post has been edited by DAC on July 2, 2013, 9:25 AM
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Posted: July 3, 2013, 5:40 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: July 3, 2013



interesting to read about the synth weed, I am a recovering addict of almost 12 years and recently had the experience of my son being addicted to this synth weed for about 2 years, it has been six months off the spice, but some of the withdrawl has been really bad, depression, anxiety. He is doing better and I am so glad. As an addict I suggest the 12 step program helped me. From what I have experienced this stuff is bad, I have a friend in the rooms who lost a son to smoking this stuff, suffering a heart attack they said it was caused by spice. Crazy stuff we just don't know what this stuff does. Thanks for reaching out to people with your experience. don't give up it will get better, ask someone for help, and keep asking til you find it. Stay strong
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