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Posted: January 10, 2012, 8:07 AM
Hello everyone... My name is ChristinaElizabeth & im very nervous... Im in recovery myself (pain medications) and iv been on this site b4 in the past under a diff subject/addiction. IM PRAYING THAT SUMONE OUT THERE READS MY POST & UNDERSTANDS HOW IM FEELING,AND I REALLY HOPE THERE MIGHT B A PERSON OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP EXPLAIN,UNDRSTAND,AND HELP ME HELP ME UNDRSTND WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE...
Iv been in my relationship for little over 7yrs. My husband is in recovery for almost 5yrs now. Iv been in recovery for jst almost 5yrs. My husbands DOC is ALCOHOL,&mine is pills... We are VERY close with each other when it comes to our sexlives. We have soo much fun,luv,undrstnding,and willingness to try anythng and everythng wirh each other. We watch porn together,use toys together and anytime we see sumthn that the other might get turned on by or might like, we tell it to each other & try thngs out on each other. Bout 2.months ago I started findin porn dvds that were not in our "collection". Iv questioned him on them, but he says we got them a long time ago & I musta forgot. ILL JUMP AHEAD ALITTLE SO ITS NOT SUCH.A LONG POST... A few weeks ago I foumd a couple dvds hidden in our closet,WITH THE RECEPTS STILL INSIDE THE BAG,so I knew he couldnt say they were old ones again. LONG STORY SHORT...... He said I ws crazy when I told him I felt like he wsnt tellin me everythng that he ws doin during the day. He no longer shows me xheck stubs,dsnt leave money in his wallet,and a lot of little changes have been makin me feel weird. He started puttin on my bras,thongs,and bikini tops when he would wanna have sex. He came clean bout the porn dvds but said they were for him to see t | ||
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Posted: January 10, 2012, 8:18 AM
If we would like anythng they were doing. HE SWORE TO ME THAT HE WS HIDING NOTHING FRM ME AND I NEED TO STOP ASKIN IF HE HAS ANY OTHER PORN DVDS HIDDEN....I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT THE OTHER DAY AND GOT INTO HIS TRUCK WHILE HE WS SLEEPIN @ 2AM IN THE MORNING...I FOUND 16 PORN DVDS & A BUNCH OF SEX THINGS. HE TOOK APART HIS DOOND PUT ll these dvds inside the metal door and then put the cover panel bck on. I told him what I did the next day, and he said he wanted to get rid of em,but didnt knw what to do. He tells me he is NOT Gay,but wants to see what it would feel like to do it with a man...while im watchin. He now wears my panties bras and he said ysyrdy that he wants to put my lipstick on so itll rub off wen he sucks on one of our
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Posted: January 10, 2012, 8:34 AM
"toys"...! Im sorry if iv put all this in 3 diff posts,but my cellphone is tne only computer I can yse to get online. There is soooo SO much more but I dnt wanna turn my posts in2 a chapter book (lol)....
If THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT CAN INFORM ME OF ANY OF THIS,PLEASE HELP ME UMDRSTND THNGS.HE SAYS ITS ALL FINISHED NOW,BUT I KNW HE STILL HIDING THNGS FRM ME. CAN HE REALLY JST STOP,OR IS IT THE SAME AS ANYOTHER DRUG/ADDICTION AND IT TAKES HARDWORK AND TIME AND WILLPOWER,MEETINGS,SPONSERS...?? HE STILL CONTINUES TO TXT ME OR CALL AND TELL ME THNGS HE WANTS TO DO...INCLUDING WEARIN MY BRAS PANTIES AND TOYS. IM NOT SURE HOW I HANDLE ALL THIS ANYMORE. HE SEES ME IN MY SEXY BEDTIME STUFF AND JST SAYS HE LUVS ME,THEN ONCEVI TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF, HE GRABS EM AND PUTS EM ON HIM. HE NVER TELLS MR I LOOK GOOD, SEXY. I JUST FEEL Kinda ugly,like im not sure im attractive to anyone anymore...HELP! | ||
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Posted: January 10, 2012, 8:53 AM
ME AGAIN.... I just realized that my posts were kinda hard to undrstnd cause of messin upspelling and puttin extra letters in middle of words. My cell phone is all I have and the keyboard is so small and my fingers to big, so im hittin thngs that dnt make a lot of sence...just thought I should explain.. THANKS
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Posted: January 10, 2012, 9:37 AM
I think that you already have the answer. He is addicted to sex. He was predisposed to this because he already has addictive tendencies (in recovery for alcohol). When you say "in recovery" do you mean that you are both not using correct? Are you attending any 12 step groups? Addiction is a disease one that can be arrested but not deleted. Once an addict, always an addict and that means there is a disease process that can rear it's ugly head at any time. An addict's thinking, as you know, is differnt than a person who isn't an addict. That is why successful people who have the disease of addiction make 12 step meetings a part of their lives. The compulsion that comes with the disease of addiction is too big to fight alone and the meetings keep your mind "right". I had heard an addict in recovery speak on this and it hit home with me. It made so much sense. He said he had tried to only to meetings once in awhile, then not at all and he began to think negatively and the "WTF's" snuck it and the cycle at this point is on a slippery slope. Until your husband decides that he doesn't want to keep living fo the next addiction, then he will get more of the same. For you, there are support groups for loved ones of addicts. You are already exhibiting being on the crazy train by obsessing about his new use "porn". To get yourself back albeit serenity, you need to let him go and have his addiction and take care of yourself in this. I highly recommend a recovery group for you for both purposes...support for you because of his addiction and a 12 step program for your pain pill use. Pain pills have the highest relapse and your recovery could be in danger by losing yourself in his new choice of addictive behavior. STay close to God and quit trying to figure his using out. You never will. God bless
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