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Posts: 77
Joined: July 1, 2011
Posted: July 2, 2011, 1:35 AM
Enough, please!
Hi, to everyone on the site who has posted their story. I have known I am a drug user, abuser and now addict for at least 5 years. The latter was quite hard to admit even though my subconscious mind knew all along because my conscious mind just continued – continues – to override what my brain is telling me and that is that no matter how hard I try and sincerely believe that this’ll be the last gram I’ll buy. However, it never is. Even now, when I am writing this in which to share the admittance I am reluctant to do anything about it! My entire septum has rotted away and I have spent possibly £25,000 on utter rubbish in the last four years. I am no better than anyone else is but I am very harsh on myself and believe I should be able to do this alone. The main reason being that I kicked alcohol about 7 years’ ago without any outside help or support group; in fact, any support at all. I have now come full circle with alcohol because I genuinely do not like the taste, feeling, or even the smell of booze. I have no cravings whatsoever and can go to pubs, parks, concerts, on holiday and it does not bother me in the slightest. Naturally, the first year was the hardest and I slipped up at least six times but every time it got easier i.e. from drinking one bottle per night to one bottle a week. After several weeks I took it down to one glass a week and then one sip; then finally buying an entire bottle and tipping it down the sink without touching a drop (regardless of how expensive the wine was or how ludicrous it must sound), but I was then able to stop buying it all together. Forward another five years and I find myself in exactly the same pattern but with powder. I had always been anti-drugs from an early age until one of my friends said that my stand on “all people being inherently selfish and self-absorbed when on drugs”, didn’t hold water as I had never seen it from the “other side.” The words stung and I felt naïve, judgmental and, tragically, curious. You know the rest. I am not sure what I am seeking from this site but have tried alone to no avail. Readers, please feel free to evaluate my email. However, would you keep in mind that I do suffer from a serious mental health disorder and been subjected to criticism my entire life and therefore would be grateful for a NON “hard-hitting” response because of the afore mentioned and also because I do completely understand that I have a big problem and I am not in denial. Perhaps I am looking for some words of wisdom and/or encouragement, which I would very much appreciate. Thanks for taking the time out to read this. HL -------------------- Hidden Light | ||
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Posted: December 28, 2011, 12:40 PM
hello enough!
I am in about the same situation...as soon as I skip one addiction I come up with another numbless using story. I found your post when I was looking for some helping strategies but only thing I find is the same problem. I guess it takes a lot of effort to succumb habits and find new ones which are healthier and less destructive. as I said I was looking for help myself and I am sad not being able to offer help. having said that I also must remark society globally is in bad health and I know -not denying- it would be easier for a lot of folks if our lifestyle frame would be more caring because I sense a lot of neglect. I do have friends but they have jobs and children to take care of and there is little common life left in a time everybody is treasuring their loneliness in front of screens :)) greetings. | ||
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Posted: April 26, 2012, 4:04 AM
My apologies for not replying to your kind message but, quite seriously, I'm not backwards in coming forwards but never seem to see any replies to me for nigh-on months and months and then literally stumble across another poor soul who'd replied almost instantly! I must appear so rude but can only issue a limp "sorry" decades later. Thanks for your message. Yes, I've been thinking about addicts. Do addicts like us simply swap one addiction for another? One of my siblings is addicted to exercise but not a WORD is mentioned because, well, the obvious - it's doing him good. However, whether it's crack, meth, chocolate, gambling, cleaning, exercise i.e. A "safe" addiction as opposed to a destructive one, are we predispositioned to ALWAYS become addicted? Does that make sense? If I open a box of chocolates, no-one'll be offered one if I can help it (!) and I'll scoff the lot til I feel physically nauseous. I stare amazed when visiting a friend or relative who have UNOPENED Easter eggs just lying about, DAYS after Sunday and often WEEKS after the holidays. What? If it's there, it's gone. At school it was sport (oh come back dear, dear school days. I hated school until the day I left: then spent twenty years yearning after the fun, laughter, achievements, close friendships etc etc!), yet also realised I was actually addicted to codeine for the best part of it too!! In fact, that lasted probably twenty years if I'm blatantly honest. TWENTY YEARS for C****t's sake. Why? What happened? Ok, I must go as I'm boring myself to tears and you have a life to be getting on with. I have a list as long as my arm to plough through today. Write to me if you can (be bothered!). Regards and luck, HL.
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Posts: 324
Joined: July 4, 2013
Posted: July 7, 2013, 7:58 AM
Hiya Hidden Light,
Are you still around? I'm aware this is an old thread but if you would like to talk E-mail me at eveleivibe@btinternet.com. I was just looking through these thread but you remind me of myself i'm that way with chocolate unless im at my parents or somewhere n have an issue with codeine so im now on suboxone 8 mg Evey x -------------------- eveleivibe@btinternet.com Ignorance may be bliss but knowledge is power! | ||
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